A Walk On The Dark Side

Fasten your seat belts, Dear Reader, as this morning's news cycle will allow us an extended visit to the seamy underbelly of our game.  And coming off an impromptu day off from blogging, you know there will be snark to spare....

November, Redux - Back in November we had good fun with Dan Jenkins' parody interview with one Eldrick Woods,  We weren't overly impressed with the source material, but iit was Team Tiger's response at Derek Jeter's Players' Tribune that warranted a failing grade in Public Relations, all captured with my usual je ne sais quoi here.  I'm sure you've had countless opportunities to refer back to that timeless post in the intervening months...

The look-back is occasioned by this from the Golf Writers of America:

2015 GWAA WRITING CONTEST RESULTS

NON-DAILY COLUMNS – 1, Dan Jenkins, Golf Digest, My fake interview with Tiger; 2, Jerry Tarde, Golf Digest, Hannigan shook things up; 3, Alan Shipnuck, Sports Illustrated, The case for Johnny Miller.

That's really quite unfortunate, not least because the Tarde and Shipnuck pieces deserved far better than Miss Congeniality.  I'm a huge fan of the man and second-rate Jenkins can often be good enough to win awards.  But this was third-rate at best, noteworthy only because of the Tiger hissy-fit.

As an exit question, do we think the GWAA would have dissed The Striped one thusly if his game were in better shape?

Of Veej I Singh - A recycled line I'll grant you, but one of which I was particularly fond.  We've seen our old friend Vijay quite a bit lately, acquitting himself reasonably well against the far younger flat bellies.... well, that is, until we get a look at the cross-handed chipping.

But we've heard precious little about Veej's ongoing attempt to reclaim his lost honor by using deer antler spray suing the Tour for something or other.  Pete Madden in SI provides the timely update:

According to documents made public this week, Singh deposed two Champions Tour golfers, including 1989 British Open winner Mark Calcavecchia, in his ongoing lawsuit against the PGA Touralleging "disparate treatment" following his admitted use of deer-antler spray, which contained IGF-1, a banned substance under the Tour's Anti-Doping Program Manual. The PGA Tour said Singh wants to depose as many as nine more players on the senior tour even though the court's Jan. 30 deposition deadline has passed.

Calc?  As I once said of former Yankees catcher Franco Cervelli, if he's on steroids then he's using them wrong.  Per Madden, here's the current status of Veej's discovery:

So far, Singh has deposed 13 witnesses: 

Six PGA Tour representatives

Richard Young, the lead draftsman of the World Anti-Doping Code

David Howman, director general of the World Anti-Doping Agency

Dr. Oliver Rabin, the World Anti-Doping Agency's science director

Rodney McDonald, vice president of Tour Operations at Cleveland Golf, Singh's former equipment sponsor

Mark Calcavecchia, who sponsored deer-antler spray until the Tour told him to stop using it in 2011An unnamed Champions Tour golfer

An unidentified additional fact witness

Now we get the reason for the Calc deposition.  Of course we can't help but wonder about the second, unidentified round belly, as well as whether that first grouping might include Commissioner Ratched.

One last excerpt:

According to the Tour, Singh has proposed calling an additional 11 witnesses, including nine Champions Tour golfers, Cleveland Golf president Todd Harman and Dr. Anthony Butch, the director of the UCLA Olympic Analytical Laboratory that tested the bottle of deer antler spray Singh provided to the Tour.

Shack has some fun with the thought of awkward  pairings when Veej tees it up on the Senior Champions Tour.  As I've repeated ad nauseum, my interest is in shining a healthy dose of sunlight on the Tour disciplinary actions.

Back9, The Recriminations - Everyone's favorite golf network has suspended operations, temporarily for sure, so let's play America's favorite forensic game, where did the money go?  From the Hartford Courant:

Back9 said it has raised more than $40 million in startup capital. That includes more than

$5 million from the state Department of Economic and Community Development. It first received a $100,000 grant and $250,000 loan from the Small Business Express program, and then received two more loans under the Manufacturers' Assistance Act program, a program that is open to far more than manufacturers. The first loan was in 2012 for $750,000, and the second loan was in 2013 for $4 million.

The company has not paid any interest back on the largest loan, because payments were deferred until 2017 and 2018. On the smaller loan, it pays $1,850 monthly.

And it's hard to see where things went wrong with this kind of sure thing business plan:

In 2013, when Back9 had a ribbon cutting at its offices in the Phoenix Building with Gov. Dannel P. Malloy in attendance, the company said it was developing TV shows such as a golf-dating program called a "Hole Lotta Love" and "Extreme Golf," which would feature celebrities and athletes playing golf in unusual locations like rooftops and the desert. 

The network began original TV programming from its $9 million studio at Constitution Plaza in September. The company paid DirectTV $7 million to carry the channel, a lawsuit alleged.

Hole Lotta Love?  I might have used that in a parody of a golf network business plan...In a just world Gov. Malloy would have some serious 'splainin' to do for burning $5 million of the taxpayers' money, but I ain't holding my breath.

This was an obvious train wreck from Day One, and if DirectTV's $7 million check cleared, they seem to be the only winner to be found.  And I haven't even mentioned the name Bosworth....

The New Golf - A few days ago Shack had some good fun with this:

The headline is the same old thing we've read ad nauseum over the last few years:

"Millionaire entrepreneur explains why cycling — and not golf — is the new sport of choice for young professionals."

He subjects it to a good old-fashioned Fisking and lands a couple of body blows.  I wanted to blog it but, if you've ever seen your humble correspondent in spandex, you'll understand my hesitation.  But Shack follows up with the truly terrifying video below:

Egads, not on my golf course you spandex-clad freaks!

Rio Loco - No exploration of the underbelly of our game could possibly be complete without a brief detour to Rio, where the hopes and dreams to grow our game go to die.  The new-to-me Keely Levins tells us that the Occupy Golf movement is growing their game:

Like the more famous Occupy Wall Street, this group is attempting to make its point -- in particular about the environment and money -- peacefully. 

The environmental issues are straightforward: The golf course is being built on a section of land that was formerly part of the Marapendi Municipal Natural Park. The more than 610 acre park is used for leisure and environmental education -- which is where the issues come in. According to Occupy Golf's website, there are more than 300 endangered species that live on the park's land.

I couldn't resist that first paean to the OWS degenerates.  Let's just say that Keely obviously wasn't in lower Manhattan at that time...

As for the second bit, 300 endangered species seems a bit hyperbolic, no?  And I will remind you that this is in a city that dumps raw sewage into the ocean, so perhaps there might be, you know, higher environmental priorities?  But as we engage with these social justice warriors, it inevitably turns out that their interests are more, shall we say, political and economic:

The other problem Occupy Golf wants to solve is who's in charge of developing the course, and what exactly they're building. Here's where things get shady: Occupy basically says that the mayor of Rio de Janeiro, Eduardo Paes, gave the land and permission to build on it to a wealthy Brazilian developer, Pasquale Mauro, who, according to Occupy Golf, is "a known deed falsifier." Furthermore, buildings previously located in the areas weren't allowed to be more than six stories tall, but Mauro has been permitted to build condos around the course as tall as 22 stories. 

Aside from its uneasiness with Mauro, Occupy Golf also isn't pleased with any private party building the golf course and the accompanying buildings because any subsequent revenue is going to go to that individual. If it had been set up to generate public revenue in a not-for-profit structure, the organization claims, the city could retroactively handle some of the economic burden hosting the Olympics is inevitably going to cause.

Oh yeah, it would have been much better if the notoriously corrupt Brazilian or Rio government undertook the project.  What could go wrong?  Perhaps the local authorities should demonstrate that they can meet the city's seage needs before going into the golf business....just sayin'.

OK, so the existence of socialists in Brazil is a dog-bites-man story....no surprises there.  But see if you're as amused by this penultimate 'graph as I am:

Occupy Golf's Facebook page has been up since late November, and it has garnered more than 7,000 followers. A video of a forceful police encounter is featured on the page, along with photos of police interacting with protestors -- not always in the most peaceful of ways.

OK, it appears that there's good reason we're unfamiliar with Keely's work, that being that Golf Digest apparently still has editors (though how this one got through is troubling).  Keely led with the premise that this is a growing and peaceful movement, directly contradicted for those with a high enough pain threshold to make to the bottom of her piece.