Loose Threads

Sorry for the day off yesterday, but I did give you a double-dip on Tuesday...Of course I know you can't get enough, but it's a marathon, not a sprint.  I actually started this post yesterday, and events have overtaken us.  So please just roll with any continuity issues....

Gluteus Deactivis - We haven't checked in on the mysteriously deactivated glutes in hours, and one can't help but wonder if they've achieved ignition... Come to think of it, we haven't heard anything out of the Allenby investigation either, as the wife informed me while watching Better Call Saul last evening (there is news there, please see below).  I do so hope they find the real killer...

First up is Gary Van Sickle, who posts a good old-fashioned Fisking of the Golf Channel Tiger Panel from Sunday here.  Though since most of Gary's comments are along the lines of "Nailed it," so it's a bit of a love fest.  But the panel was better than expected, and also shorter than expected because they use some of the time to memorialize Billy Casper.

But the guys were pretty thoughtful and a spin through Gary's piece will give you a sense of their thoughts and expectations.  But this from the mailbag portion is the biggest chuckle:

Van Cynical, Once Tiger’s glutes are activated, will he be able to use them to buy goods and services wherever glutes are accepted?

--Capbozo via Twitter 

Yes. And even better, Cap, he’ll be earning miles that he can cash in for a vacation to Orlando with the kids.

Even the readers are slaying them, but hopefully the Orlando trip will not include Isleworth.  On account of that tight turf we heard so much about in December, though of course it was bener previously an issue...

Thanks to Shack for posting this video of Notah Begay's appearance by phone on Dan Patrick's show, in which even noted Tiger-buddy Notah has to chuckle at the gluteral humor:

There's also some fun stuff at the end when Dan asks if Notah could take Tiger these days, and about their gambling history.  Gotta say, Notah sounds worried for his friend, but who isn't?

And the hits keep on coming...Tiger has fallen to No. 62 in the world, but Jim McCabe is there to put that news in perspective for us:

With Tiger Woods having fallen to No. 62 in the world rankings, here’s one way to

digest a little perspective. The last time he sat lower in the world rankings was Oct. 6, 1996 when he was 75th. He had moved there from No. 221, having beaten Davis Love III in a playoff at the Las Vegas Invitational. 

Love used persimmon that week, ladies and gentlemen. 

Anyway, Woods moved to No. 61 the next week and the horse was out of the barn, so to speak. He became No. 1 for the first time in June of 1997. His time as the top-ranked player numbers an astonishing 683 weeks - the equivalent of 13.13 years. 

How long ago was Oct. 6, 1996? Consider that Woods at 75th was sandwiched between Bruce Lietzke and Hidemichi Tanaka in the world rankings and that Jumbo Ozaki was No. 8.

Well, how lucky are you dear reader, as I just happen to have a Bruce Lietzke joke (and who doesn't?).  Lietzke, those of a certain age may recall, used to hit every shot with a soft fade.  Not sure he could draw the ball at all... so he's on the range at an event in Texas (I think) and he has his son hitting next to him, and the son is hitting one rope-hook after another.  Another pro walks by, stops for a second to watch the father and son, and as he moves on is heard to mutter, "Must have been the milkman."

I'll be here all week, folks, please remember to tip your waitress.  Luke Kerr-Dineen is there for those that absorb information in more of a visual manner, showing Tigers OWGR in graphic form.  He's got three different time sequences, but here's what it looks like form 1997:

That's actually the optimistic scenario, since the current trough mirrors that of a couple of year ago.  But back then he wasn't posting 82's and shanking chips...

When asked whether he could come back, the Tour Confidential panel was pretty negative, including these answers:

The Anonymous Pro: No, he’s done.

Jeff Ritter, senior editor, Sports Illustrated Golf Group: Tiger's mind is oatmeal and his glutes are roadkill.

I would have gone with toast on the glutes, yanno, just to stay in the breakfast meme....

One of the more interesting aspects of this was that Shack, in his Monday morning Morning Drive appearance, was apologizing for all the attention paid to Tiger at his moment of distress, and I was surprised that he felt that need.  Circling back to Van Cynical, I think he's on to something with this

Sickle cell, Should we just forget about Tiger and concentrate on the Rorys and Rickies of this golfing world now?

--Paul Spencer via Twitter 

While I’m all for you, P.S., concentrating on Sabbatini and Barnes, Tiger is actually a more interesting show now than ever before. In the past, it was just a question of how he was going to win. Now, we don’t know what to expect. Will he play well? Will he chunk another chip? Will he get hurt? His golf career has gone from one logical outcome -- him winning -- to an infinite variety of outcomes. There’s something about watching the best player in the world struggle with the game that finally allows us to relate to him in a small way. So, no, don’t forget about Tiger. What will he do next?

.This was where I left it yesterday before the release of Tiger's Non-Statement Statement yesterday:

Right now, I need a lot of work on my game, and to still spend time with the people that are important to me. My play, and scores, are not acceptable for tournament golf. Like I've said, I enter a tournament to compete at the highest level, and when I think I'm ready, I'll be back. Next week I will practice at Medalist and at home getting ready for the rest of the year. I am committed to getting back to the pinnacle of my game. I'd like to play The Honda Classic -- it's a tournament in my hometown and it's important to me -- but I won't be there unless my game is tournament-ready. That's not fair to anyone. I do, however, expect to be playing again very soon.

Is everyone clear?  The media has subjected the statement to their Tiger-translation software, and concluded, as per this, that he's taking a leave of absence.  Not so fast, says Steiny, who one can only assume wrote the deliberately opaque statement:

"Nowhere did we say it was a leave of absence," Steinberg said. "He's going to work on his game and when his game is back to form ... his game was in bad shape when he made swing changes in the past. He needs to work on this away from a public setting. He needs to work on this on his own."

We'll give last word to Randall Mell, who makes as much sense of it as anyone could:

The news today, as best we can surmise, is that Tiger is pulling away from the game, in some sort of way that differs from his usual breaks. Why else pen a story like this and tweet it out?

Right now the folks at The Honda are not expecting Tiger, though he has until a week from tomorrow to make that call.  After that eyes will turn to Bay Hill, otherwise we might not see the man until after the Masters.  But at age 39 it's quite impossible to see him taking a pass on a major if hes' healthy, no?

The Crime Blotter - Big news on the Allenby front, and likely the last... This just in from the best detectives in the world:

Honolulu Police Department detectives arrested 32-year old Patrick Owen Harbison and

allege he used three of Allenby’s credit cards to make purchases at several retail and convenience stores in Oahu — 28km from where Allenby was found bloodied after a boozy night out with mates. 

The arrest comes almost a month after the Australian sportsman went to police and told investigators he was bashed, kidnapped, thrown in the boot of a car, robbed and then dumped on a main road.

Surely that's just the first domino to fall...we've got to find the kidnappers and whoever drugged the man as well.  Errr...not so much, and please stop calling me Shirley:

Police in Hawaii have told reporters they are not investigating Allenby’s claims of being abducted and assaulted. 

When asked about the assault, Honolulu Police Lieutenant John McCarthy said: “I don’t know what physical altercation you’re talking about.” 

On Allenby’s claims of being abducted, Lt McCarthy said: “There is no kidnapping investigation.”

Well, he wouldn't have made that up to cover his trip to the strip club, would he?  Because that would be wrong...

Exit question:  Will we ever hear the results of the blood work?

A Story For This Week - We posted Richard Green's hole-in-one on a Par-4 last week, and we all no doubt thought he peaked too early...in fact, he even suggested as much on the video.  But not so much, as it turns out, and the story is actually much better than that:

Victorian veteran golfer Richard Green and his fiancée Marianne Skarpnord have delivered the "love story" ending promoters were hoping for at this year's Victorian Open, with each player clinching titles in the men's and women's events running concurrently at Thirteenth Beach Golf Club. 

It took two playoff holes for the men's title to be decided on Sunday - the second year in a row that event has gone to extra holes - but the 43-year-old Green finally outlasted reigning Australian Masters champion Nick Cullen by rolling in a 1.5-metre putt for birdie in his third time down the 18th hole. 

About an hour earlier, his fiancee Skarpnord, from Norway, played her part by clinching her seventh title as a professional, winning the women's event by three shots ahead of rising teenage prodigy Su Oh.

That's incredibly romantic, and it is after all the week of Valentine's Day.   Shack likes the story as well, though as you'll see he's prone to flights of fancy:

Wouldn't it be fun if the US Senior Opens ended on the same day at the same course? And same with the men's and women's Olympic golf stroke play. So that week two could be used for a proper team event! 

Just dreaming...

If only!  But an Olympic team competition might be be, you know, interesting, and we can't take that risk...

West Coast Swing Blues -  Loyal readers know how I feel about Commissioner Ratched's wretched wraparound schedule (that's not bad in the alliteration department), with the major ramifications anticipated on the West Coast swing.  So, let's start here, shall we?

After Irish golfer Paul McGinley flew to San Francisco on Monday, three days ahead of

his appearance in the AT&T Pebble Beach National Pro-Am, he went straight to one of the city’s most beautiful spots: Ocean Beach. 

McGinley went for a walk with a friend to “get a bit of fresh air” and followed that with lunch at the Cliff House. But when he returned to his rented SUV outside the restaurant, McGinley was startled to find his back window had been shattered. 

“All my stuff was taken,” he said Tuesday in a telephone interview. 

Gone were his travel bag, custom TaylorMade clubs, equipment, carry-on bag, travel documents and passport. The thief also took Ryder Cup mementos McGinley planned to auction for charity.

That's a shame, of course, but here's Shack's take on it:

While we all sympathize with McGinley’s plight and hope the San Francisco Chamber of Commerce works quickly to ensure he has another passport and his trip made less awful, this was yet another reminder that the AT&T National Pro-Am digs deep down the depth charts to fill out its PGA Tour (mostly) field. 

What some would consider a week of a lifetime—playing Pebble Beach, Spyglass Hill and Monterey Peninsula CC while sipping fine Napa wines, savoring artichoke soup and hanging out with well-connected blowhards—has become a chance to see names entered in a PGA Tour event that recall glory days of centuries past. I know that some of today's Hogan and Sneads can't deal with poa and the craters created by amateurs, but isn't this mostly about the PGA Tour calendar spreading stars thin and turning what should be one of the most watched events of the year into a glorified Callaway Invitational?

In truth it's both... Since today's celebs are more Ray Romano and George Lopez than Der Bingle and the Rat Pack, the appeal of six-hour rounds, lousy weather (though my cousin, who lives in Carmel, tells me it's 80 degrees this week) and a weakend rota (and yes, Monterrey Peninsula is an upgrade from Poppy Hills, but it used to be a mechanism to play Cyprus Cypress Point (bonus points for any reader that knows the source of that auto-correct story).

But Geoff is correct that the schedule is a big factor in the dramatically weakened field.  And while McGinely seems to be a fine fellow, his golf game has not been such in this century that he deserves a spot playing with the big boys (or the few that are there).

But this I like very much:

Fourteen college golfers will have a unique opportunity on Feb. 16. 

The inaugural Northern Trust Open Collegiate Showcase will partner a PGA Tour

professional with a college player from his respective university, as well as two amateurs. The college player will play his own ball, with the low-finishing collegian earning an exemption into the Tour event, which begins three days later at Riviera Country Club in Pacific Palisades, Calif. 

For one, Jordan Spieth is really excited about the event - and the fact that he gets to play with a former Texas teammate. 

“I’ll be playing with Kramer Hickok, who I roomed with,” Jordan Spieth said, laughing. “He’s a year-and-a-half older than I am. I grew up with him since he was this tall.” He held his hand about waist-high. “I played against him in high school and roomed with him in college." 

Jonathan Garrick, a UCLA junior, said it "would be a dream come true since it's right in my backyard."

Now, we can't get through with an item without a little sniping... I think that's just a great idea and even better because of the involvement of the pros.  But one more than minor quibble is that exactly no one will see it because a couple of years ago the organizers decided to close Riviera to spectators on Monday and Tuesday as a cost-saving step.