It's A Wrap

We shan't be wrapping just the weekend, but rather the entire year....  I do appreciate the time off last week, as the batteries needed topping up.  We'll ease slowly into 2019 as the lads head to Maui to kick off the year.

Checking In On The Birthday Boy -  Today a certain resident of Jupiter, FL turns 43, with not a single gray hair to be found.  OK, that was unnecessarily hurtful, as there's not an actual hair to be seen of any hue, but still....

ESPN is airing it's new paean, Tiger Woods: Return of The Roar tonight to celebrate, and Shack has air times and the trailer for those interested.  I find myself burned out on the Tiger comeback nostalgia, though that may well be a result of his horrible play in Paris and Vegas.

For those interested, Golf.com has this review, in which it's apparent they spared no journalistic effort:

Even Tiger’s favorite putter — the Scotty Cameron blade he wielded while winning 13 of his 14 majors, only to banish it when he it betrayed him — gets its 15 minutes, replete with a gauzy voice-over from Van Pelt describing the club’s return to Tiger’s bag.

Appointment TV, for sure.... 

I find myself drawn instead to two other stories, first this from luggage handler Joe LaCava:

Woods on the sidelines meant for several years, LaCava had a light schedule. He caddied just 19 times over a four-year span. During Woods’s down times, LaCava would go visit Woods at his Florida home for support. 

“He had no quality of life. Couldn’t hang out with his kids, kick the soccer ball around, stuff like that,” LaCava said. “That hurt me inside. I came down to Florida and hung out with him — sometimes he didn’t even practice, just to hang out and have a friend, sitting there and going through the pain with him.” 

Woods told LaCava that he was free to find another bag. “He basically said to me, look, if you wanna go find another guy to work for, I’m okay with that,” LaCava said. But, in one of the documentary’s most poignant moments, he explained that the decision to wait was obvious. 

“If I could live another hundred years, I’d wait another hundred years,” he said. “I was never not going to work for Tiger as long as he was going to have me. I just wanted to work for him and no one else. And I think that helped a little bit, knowing that he had a friend that thought that much of him, as a person and with his game.”

Good on him, though I suspect he was well-compensated for the opportunity cost.  Although, as I recall things, Tiger was similarly OK with Stevie looping for Adam Scott, until he wasn't....

I'm far more interested in this Dylan Dethier offering, which isn't in the slightest being oversold:

‘Time to do something really significant’: How Tiger Woods’s newest design venture could change the game 

What, it's not gonna solve global warming?  really then, what's the point?

Dylan does frame the piece beautifully, I'll grant you:

In 1993, a talented young golfer gave a clinic in front of a devoted crowd at Jackson Park, a municipal course on Chicago’s South Side. More than a quarter-century later, that

Tiger and Earl in that 1993 visit.

golfer is back at Jackson Park — and Tiger Woods is looking to make a lasting impression. 

Woods is lead architect on the proposed renovation of 18-hole Jackson Park and nine-hole South Shore, two historic, beloved munis that sit at the western edge of Lake Michigan. Under the plans laid out by TGR Design (Woods’s design firm) the two courses would combine into a 7,341-yard 18-hole championship track.

And this from a 2016 visit:

“He was just mesmerized. I could see it in his eyes; he kept looking out at the Chicago skyline and saying ‘Wow — there’s just no other city in the country where you could do this.’ We drove around the site for a while, and I actually almost killed him crossing Jeffery Blvd., where you’re always having to dodge cars. That wasn’t ideal but it was also perfect because he could see that this was a project that really needed some work. 

“We stopped a few times and just talked big picture, and one of those stops he said this line that really stuck with me: ‘Where are the kids?’ Here it was, a beautiful August afternoon, school was out, and there were no kids playing.”

Fair enough, Dylan, though I've got no shortage of reservations.  But in the interest of full disclosure, let me also share this bit that's cause for optimism:

The community-focused nature of the project seemed to hook Woods. It hooked another

important business partner, too: Mike Keiser. Among golf course developers, Keiser cuts a unique profile: he made his fortune selling recycled paper greeting cards, he’s passionate about speed golf and he now spends much of his time thinking of creative pricing models for golf courses. Keiser’s beloved developments, generally marked by breathtaking scenic beauty and minimalist amenities, include Bandon Dunes in Oregon, Cabot Cliffs in Nova Scotia and Sand Valley in Wisconsin. But he has a sweet spot for Chicago municipal golf, too. 

“Jackson Park was my favorite place to bring our youngest son,” said Keiser, who raised his kids in Chicago. “He didn’t want to drive all the way to the suburbs, but if we could whisk down to Jackson Park from Lincoln Park in 15 minutes, he was all in.”

No, Dylan, the only thing at Bandon that's minimalist is the architecture....  It's true that Keiser's resorts aren't opulent, but the he doesn't exactly give it away....

Regular readers will remember that I'm extremely skeptical about this project.  It's not a day for long rants, but it feels like a celebrity vanity project being sold as "For the children."  The Tour Confidential panel was convened the last Sunday of the year, and asked to assess this project:

Our Dylan Dethier went deep on Tiger Woods’s design venture at Jackson Park, a municipal course on Chicago’s South Side. It will be $50 for locals, kids 17 and under will play free and those behind it are one day hoping to host a BMW Championship and President’s Cup. This project represents Woods’s first foray into affordable public-access golf. Was it overdue? And what kind of impact could Tiger have on the game if he attached his name (and influence) to more of these types of courses?

The encouraging aspect of Tiger's nascent architectural career has been his focus on playability and short course, for which he is to be commended.  That said, if this is really for the children, then why does it need to be 7,400 yards and why does it need to take 9 holes away from said children?

Bamberger: Overdue or not, I’m glad it’s here. It sounds really good. It sounds like a step into the direction I had always hoped Woods would go, bringing golf to the masses, as Arnold did before him. 

Zak: Of course it’s overdue, but I don’t want to put that on Tiger. I’d rather put that on other stewards in the game north of 43 years old. Clearly, he’s got as much juice as he’s ever had since the scandal. It’s also clear he plans to use it. I played the Jackson Park portion of Tiger’s course in August. It’s ready … and waiting … to be taken over. Sooner the better.

Shippy begs to differ:

Shipnuck: It’s totally fair — he found time for ridiculous cash grab projects in the desert of Dubai, a gated-community in Mexico, etc. The so-called Tiger Effect — bringing more people of color to the game and the Tour — hasn’t exactly panned out. Just being Tiger on TV isn’t enough to change things; he needs to be at the grassroots level, affecting change. This Chicago project is a fantastic first step and hopefully a template for Tiger’s future in growing the game.

To me it's quite obvious that this big-boy golf course will have maintenance requirements far beyond what a $50 greens fee for locals can sustain, so what's going on here?  Is it that they've been able to raise sufficient private resources from Obama's Rolodex to cover these shortfalls?  If so, that's not a model one can replicate, so at best we're looking at a one-off....  And one-offs don't change the game.

But the history of such projects makes one inevitably skeptical...  at least it renders your humble blogger skeptical.  I've already gone longer on this than intended, so we'll see how it evolves.... 

Golfers Behaving Badly - Strange days in the golf world, as this story broke on the heels of architect Keith Foster's guilty plea for smuggling goods related to endangered species:

Indian pro golf star Jyoti Singh Randhawa has been arrested and jailed on charges of illegal hunting at a tiger reserve. 

Randhawa, 46, was a top-100 golfer in the world as recently as 2009. On Wednesday, he was traveling with his caddie, Mahesh Virajdar, through the Dudhwa Tiger Reserve in an Isuzu pickup truck that was pulled over for suspicious activity. Forest officials, range staff and officials from the Special Tiger Protection Force searched the vehicle. 

They seized a dead bird, the skin of a boar, a .22 rifle, binoculars, three empty cartridges, 80 live cartridges, magazine, rangefinder, two mobile searchlight torches, and 36,600 rupee (just over $500) in cash, according to Zee News. An official also alleged that Randhawa appeared to be inebriated.

Are you allowed to use a distance measuring device in a tiger reserve?  Not sure where the R&A comes down on that one....

 This will not be one of my more memorable segues, but it feels like a good fit for that first item:

But administrators in Michigan are looking to make a difference here. 

The Detroit Free Press reports that the golf committee of the Michigan High School Athletic Association has made a recommendation in light of concern over high school golfers posting inaccurate scores. 

And that recommendation will be in play soon in Michigan high school golf.

Inaccurate?  But I had been reliably informed that golf was a game for gentlemen.... 

This I suspect will prove to be quite amusing, because a bunch of adults will use technology, in the form of a cellphone app, to try to stop teenagers from cheating.  Yeah, that's the ticket.... 

Upon Further Review... -  Golf.com, like every other media site on Earth, is recycling its top pieces from the year.  This one might be worth your time, given how differently it reads after September in Paris:

Inside the day (and press conference) that changed the U.S. Ryder Cup team forever

You gotta admit, I nailed this one pretty well.  Even at the time, the triumphalism evinced in the wake of the U.S. victory in 2016 seemed...well, at best, premature.

But after the desultory loss and the amusing assignment of blame, it seems quite pathetic.   Repeat after me, Phil, it isn't about pods, it's about twelve players.  Has Tom Watson received your apology note yest?

One last amusing note on that Ryder Cup....  I don't recommend this, but opposing Captain Thomas Bjorn got cheeky where the sun don't shine:

I don't think he expects to be dating any American women....

Bottom Story of the Day - This might be my favorite story today:

Rory Sabbatini was born in South Africa and represented the country in the World Cup

five times—winning it with partner Trevor Immelman in 2003—as well as on the

International team at the Presidents Cup in 2007. But in 2019, his official home on the PGA Tour will be listed as Slovakia after the 42-year-old became an official citizen of the European country earlier this month. 

Sabbatini, a six-time winner on tour during his 21-year career, is married to Martina Stofanikova, his second wife, who is from Slovakia. 

By taking Slovak citizenship, Sabbatini could represent the country in competitions, including the 2020 Olympics. According to an AP report, the Slovak Golf Association is sending proof of Sabbatini’s citizenship to the International Golf Federation to make the process official.

Now you might attribute this to ambition or a frantic desire of an aging athlete to maintain relevance, but, wait for it, it turns out that he's doing it for the children:

Beyond playing in the Olympics, Sabbatini believes he can help grow the game in his new home. 

“I believe that I will be successful for Slovak golf and will be a source of inspiration for Slovak youth,” Sabbatini said at the Consulate General of the Slovak Republic in New York. 

Sabbatini instantly becomes the first Slovak to play on the PGA Tour. He is currently 143rd on the FedEx Cup points list and is likely to play his first PGA Tour event for his new country at the Sony Open in Hawaii.

That sound you hear is South Africa gratefully slamming the door on his butt.

Hope Springs Eternal -  News broke that our prayers have been answered:

It looks like The Match will return in 2019. And probably 2020. 

Bank on it. 

Were the subscription numbers for golf's first pay-per-view program that good? Neither Turner nor its parent WarnerMedia have released official figures, but knowledgeable sources told Golf World that the $9 million showdown between Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson on Nov. 23 in Las Vegas drew nearly one million customers who paid the $19.95 fee.

Who paid and then were refunded the $19.99, that is.... 

That doesn't mean we'll see a rematch of the affair that Mickelson won on the 22nd hole in the dark on a makeshift par-3 hole. But to keep both involved, a team showdown is "almost a certainty," said one confidant of the two men. The conventional thought is that they pair together against two challengers. But another option apparently is that they remain on opposite sides and each chooses his own teammate. 

Regardless of the format, every indication is that the show will go on.

I'm assuming that Tiger would take Patrick....  Too soon? 

Just as I'm starting to salivate, Steiny pops in to throw cold water on it all:

Mark Steinberg, who represents Woods via Excel Sports and was among many entities involved in putting together The Match at Shadow Creek in Las Vegas on Nov. 23, won by Mickelson, said that report from Wednesday "is not true at this point,'' with many issues to be sorted. 

The website speculated that the format could expand to include other golfers, and that Woods and Mickelson could possibly play as a team or play with a partner on opposing teams.

Oh, the drama!  Obviously they'll work this stuff out, though my guess is that they'll ditch the PPV...  

Glad we could find this time to catch up, but no promises on blogging in the next few days.  I head back to Western HQ on Thursday, so we'll catch up from there if not sooner.

Weekend Wrap

I am safely ensconced in Unplayable Lies World HQ and prepared to review this weekend's exciting golf action...  What?  No action?  No worries, we'll just make crap up as we usually do....

R.I.P. - If you're of a certain age, you'll remember this guy:

Former PGA Tour winner and course designer Forrest Fezler died at the age of 69 on Friday in Tallahassee, Fla., after battling brain cancer.

His best year came in 1974, when he won the Southern Open, his lone Tour title. His best finish at a major also came in 1974, when he placed second to Hale Irwin at the U.S. Open at Winged Foot. During his career, the California-native had 30 top-10 finishes and eight runner-up finishes. 

In 1973, Fezler earned PGA Tour Rookie of the Year honors. But injuries would hamper him for much of his career and force Fezler to have to adjust both his swing and the number of tournaments he played in.

Like many, however, Fezler's career was defined by one minor instance of rebellion against The Man:

Fezler’s most iconic moment as a professional came during the final round of the 1983 U.S. Open at Oakmont. In between the 17th and 18th holes, he ducked into a port-a-potty

and changed into Bermuda shorts for the final hole. “I went brain dead for a few minutes of my life and it brought me publicity for 30-some years,” Fezler said to the Denver Post after his infamous moment. “I’m glad I did it.” 

Fezler had long said that he pulled the stunt because he disagreed with the USGA’s course set-ups, but he told GOLF.com in 2015 that he actually did it in response to bad officiating he had faced two years earlier.

I can only hope that Phil is taking notes, because THAT'S how you stick it to the USGA.

R.I.P.

Busted -  I see no reason that he couldn't have finished his work by telecommuting from his new residence:

Three days after golf course architect Keith Foster pled guilty to federal charges of illegally transporting between $250,000 and $500,000 in items made from endangered species, his most high-profile golf client has fired him. 

Congressional Country Club president Bev Lane sent a letter to the membership on Saturday announcing that the Board of Governors at the Bethesda, Md., club had terminated their contract with Foster and is in the process of looking for a replacement to move forward with renovation work on the Blue Course that had been expected to begin in Fall 2019. 

In the letter, first reported by the Fried Egg and a copy of which has been obtained by Golf Digest, Lane stated that the club had no prior knowledge of Foster’s legal issues. In addition to his work as an architect, Foster owned a family antiques business in Virginia that specialized in selling foreign-sourced merchandise, a portion of which included wildlife products made from endangered species such as crocodiles, sea turtles and sawfish. 

Foster had been hired by Congressional to help oversee a restoration of the Blue course to original 1924 Devereux Emmett plans ahead of a number of national events the club will host in conjunction with the PGA of America.

Given my ambivalence over the venue, I wouldn't much care except that the PGA of America has made a rather large bet:

In a deal signed in September, the club agreed to be the site of eight PGA of America championships over a 15-year period. They include the Ryder Cup (2036), the PGA Championship (2031), the KPMG Women’s PGA Championship (2022, 2027) Senior PGA Championship (2025, 2033) PGA Professional Championship (2029) and the Junior PGA Championship (2024).

And, of course, those hits keep on coming:

UPDATE -- 1:45 p.m. ET: The Fried Egg is reporting that Olympia Fields has also cut ties with Foster. The Chicagoland course, which hired Foster in May, was just awarded the 2020 BMW Championship.

I say let the man finish these gigs before doing his time.  After all, if he can make Congressional and Olympia Fields interesting, then he's kind of a God and Trump should pardon him.

Riddle Me This, Batman -  Golf Digest has some fun with a year-end quiz, including the following:

6: What penalty did the USGA give Phil Mickelson for hitting a moving ball during

the U.S. Open? 

A: No penalty

B: Two-stroke penalty

C: Disqualification

D: Forced him to watch himself doing the worm for 24 hours, Clockwork Orange style.

Hey, who can pass up a Clockwork Orange reference.  This might actually be the funniest bit, though it's awfully inside baseball:

11. This happened for the first time on the European Tour in 2018: 

A: An amateur won a tournament title

B: A woman won a tournament title

C: A player shot a 59

D: Keith Pelley wore simple, dark-framed glasses

Just Google it....

 The Next Big Thing - The Tour has this cooked up for folks in March:

Want to see Tiger shape shots in person without losing the convenient features that

enhance a TV broadcast? Head to TPC Sawgrass in March. The PGA Tour will roll out Toptracer technology at The Players, giving on-site fans (for the first time) a chance to watch on giant video boards as the best players in the world carve their golf balls on the practice range.

I'm not quite sure why we need the tracer lines for folks sitting close enough to follow the ball, but perhaps they'll also give club and ball speeds and the like.

In a companion item, apparently we won't be hitting on your grandfather's range:

Golf is in a steady state of evolution, but every now and then there’s a revolution — like the modern-day disruption of the driving range. What began in 2001 with Topgolf and its

high-tech golf-meets-entertainment venues has given way to full-blown gamification. Banging balls is no longer just for wannabe Ben Hogans. Practice is diversion, and the other way around. The trend is evident in pocket-sized mobile apps like Trackman Range, which allows range-goers to trace their shots — and partake in target contests against their friends — with NASA-like precision; and in spinoff concepts like Topgolf’s Toptracer Range, a bundle of cameras, screens and sensors that can turn a plain old range — or a big-league one — into a golf-themed arcade. Throw in the rise of simulator-culture, with hitting booths that double as social hubs installed in airports, hotels and corporate campuses, and you can see where the arc of history is headed. Your grandpa’s idea of a good time on the range won’t meet your grandkids’ standard for having fun.

Meh!  The technology is amazing and the near-golf experiences it allows are great, but the ubiquity of it seems overstated.  The vast majority of us will continue to experience the range in an old school manner.

Confidentially Yours - The Golf.com writes gave up 60 Minutes to participate in their weekly confab, offering up some moderately interesting bits:

1. Canadian pros Mackenzie Hughes and Graham DeLaet recently took to Twitter to voice their opinions on certain rules changes for 2019, and not all of them were flattering. “I think they were trying to simplify the game but after watching them explain the new rules I don’t think they accomplished that,” Hughes said, pointing to the new dropping procedure which players to drop from knee height and the provision that allows players to replace damaged clubs mid-round. Added DeLaet: “How they didn’t address the anchoring definition is absurd.” What kind of impact do you think the new rules will have on Tour next year? Are they likely to bring more clarity or controversy? 

John Wood: No difference, at least on tour. Yes, I think in general the new rules will make things easier, but with how much is at stake during every decision involving a rule, most of the guys will still call in rules officials for most rulings. Should the players (and their caddies) know the rules enough to do things on their own? Probably, but there’s just too much at stake to risk it. 

Sean Zak: As with all change, it’ll feel (and look) weird at first, but let’s not forget what we said right away: the new rules were better. Nothing has changed! We’ll need three or four months of play to really see how awkward or clear these decisions end up being for the pros. I’m not going to let the opinions of two pros (they play a different game) make me think any differently about the rules changes that haven’t even gone into effect yet.

I mostly agree, as the big boys don't often double-hit (we only remember T.C. Chen because it was such an oddity) or lose balls.  The one aspect to watch may be the grooming of putting lines...

Dylan Dethier: The drop-from-the-knee thing is a visual that will be a little strange to get used to. The pin in on the green thing even more so. But I think there will be about the same number of controversies, just slightly different ones now (see Woods, Tiger at the Hero). Love the outspoken Canadians, though! 

Michael Bamberger: Controversy in the short-term and clarity in the long-run. Modestly on both counts. Except for the pin in, there’s nothing here that changes the game in any fundamental way. 

Josh Sens: It’s like emergency workers say–you’re always preparing for the last disaster. A lot of the problems we saw in recent years have been smartly addressed, but we’ll hit other snags that we can’t possibly foresee now. Meantime, still waiting for a rigidly enforced shot clock, a change that would do the game more good than any other I can think of.

Yeah, forgot Bryson and leaving the pin in.....  But isn't "Outspoken Canadian an oxymoron?

 Next they tackle the issue of the day:

2. Our Josh Berhow dug up the complaints filed to the FCC during golf telecasts in the last three years. There were no grievances in 2016 and ’17 but nine in 2018, most triggered by foul language uttered by golfers. In your experience as both an on-site reporter and on-the-couch viewer, does pro golf have a profanity problem?

Wood: S*!t no. This is just my personal feeling, but they’re just words. Can anyone out there honestly say they’ve never cursed on the golf course in a fit of anger? If a few slip out during a broadcast, I think it shows professional golf in a truer sense. Of the millions and millions of people who watched golf all year long on TV, nine felt aggrieved enough to lodge a complaint. I can live with that. But I’ve also been known to look up old on field baseball battles between Earl Weaver or Tommy Lasorda and an umpire (if you don’t mind cursing, run to YouTube and enjoy) and watch for hours on end, so maybe I’m not a fair judge.

Heh!  Let me just say that I'm taken back to our days at Cabot last September.  Our room was essentially next to the landing area of tee shots on the 18th hole of Cabot Links, and we watched and listened as the late afternoon groups finished.  The language of players as they hit their approach shots was quite amusing....  Not terribly imaginative, mind you, as they demonstrated an over-reliance on one particular word.....

Zak: If anything, pro golf would have a microphone problem, not a profanity problem. But that’s the price you pay when you want to hear Tiger say, “Talk to me, Joey,” or “One yard!” And last I checked, NINE people deciding to write in is not a substantial group. 

Dethier: We need MORE microphones, not fewer. I can’t tell if Zak is mocking or not (a recurring problem around the office), but that player-caddie interaction is the good stuff. Players should expect whatever they say during a shot will be caught on tape (and act accordingly) but these were more amusing than offensive in my book. 

Bamberger: Profanity is a sign of honesty and showing that you care. It is also the test of good vocabulary, when used appropriately. Professional golf does not have a problem here.

I actually find myself very conflicted on this point.  Like the writers, I don't have any problem with the profanity, and love the improvement in audio on golf telecasts.  On the flip side, however, we do want kids to watch and kids tend to have parents....How about a baseball story?

Sens: This is very much off-topic but John’s mention of Lasorda reminds me of one of my favorite baseball stories, relayed to me by a longtime Dodgers reporter. Often, when Lasorda went to the mound, he was just making a show of things (that’s part of the managerial code–you make a demonstration in defense of a player, say), and what looked to us on TV like Lasorda going ballistic was actually Lasorda saying to the ump, “Have you tried the manicotti at such-and-such restaurant? It’s unbelievable.” The ump would then toss Lasorda to complete the stage play. And after the game, he’d follow up on Lasorda’s manicotti recommendation. But back to the topic at hand. . . I’m with Michael. There’s no problem, except perhaps that the blue language is not nearly creative enough.

And how about a tease of the year to come:

4. Don’t look now, but the Masters is less than four months away, and the hallowed design at Augusta National is in good company: Bethpage Black (PGA), Pebble Beach (U.S. Open) and Northern Ireland’s Royal Portrush (British Open). Is this the best major rota in recent memory, and which week are you most amped for?

Wood: Pretty awesome. I’m always beyond amped for Augusta, and I’m especially amped for Royal Portrush, which I’ve never seen but is universally acknowledged as one of the best. I’m, what’s the word I’m looking for….Hopeful? for Pebble Beach. I’m a

NorCal guy and I think a U.S. Open at Pebble is the pinnacle of the Championship, but I’d be lying if I said I was anything but a bit trepidatious about how the USGA will set it up. And Bethpage Black is another favorite, but that week will be dictated by weather. If we can get a reasonably warm forecast and a firm and fast course, then it will be as good as it gets. 

Zak: It’s pretty damn good. Hopefully the golf is just as good. Most excited for Pebble. Never been there before. Heard it’s pretty solid 😉 

Dethier: Oh yeah, these are four big-time winners. Only thing missing is something from golf’s new-school innovative course designs. Looking ahead, maybe a spot opens up in 2032? 

Bamberger: It’s a spectacular lineup, especially for glory’s last shot, at Portrush. And let’s not forget about the Players at the Stadium course in March.

Gotta be Portrush, because it's rare to get a new venue in that event.... and it's so damn good.  Plus, even for those of us that know it, we have those two new holes.  

This is a pretty good question on which to exit:

6. Happy holidays! In this season of giving, give our readers one insidery golf insight from 2018 that they’re unlikely to know about.

Insidery?  Shouldn't it be insiderish?

Wood: Trying to come up with something from my point of view, the caddie, and the number one thing that comes to mind is how amazing the guys who make our yardage books are. The level of skill, of detail, they put into these is beyond incredible. When I started, the books, while valuable, were extremely basic. Mark Long, who makes the books for the PGA Tour, and Dion Stevens, who makes them in Europe, are not well known names in the golf world, but week in week out their work has so much to do with everyone’s successes on tour.

Does John know about the green-reading book ban?

Zak: One elite Tour player’s chef believes they save him one-third of a shot a round just by cooking for him on the road. Not sure I can validate that, but I love the thought. 

Dethier: In a pitch that didn’t pass muster, according to my editors, I broke down the best golfers by first name. It was a simple formula: average world ranking of the top three players of that name. For you inquiring minds, “Pat/Patrick” ranked the best, with Reed (No. 15), Cantlay (No. 18) and Perez (No. 40) averaging out to 24.3. Alexander (Schauffele, Noren, Bjork) and Justin (Rose, Thomas, Harding) tie for 2nd at 30.3. Bet you didn’t know THAT! 

Bamberger: The order of play on the first tee on the PGA Tour in a Thursday and Friday threesome goes by who has won on Tour most recently. If there are no winners, the default is career money, with the highest earner going first. At home, we just flip a tee, and it points to the day’s first victim. 

Sens: As a measure of comfort, I like this stat: from 150 yards, the average Tour pro leave is 23 feet from the pin. Ask the average golfer, and they’ll almost always guess that Tour pros stick it much closer from that distance—another reminder that we regular old duffers set absurd standards for ourselves and should spare ourselves the self-abuse when we don’t knock down the flagstick.

Hey, I warned you it was only moderately interesting....

Merry Christmas to all, and I'll see ya when I see ya.

Late-Week Laments

Just a smattering of items to cover today, though we start with quite the strange one.

Foster Care - Do you know of golf architect Keith Foster?  He's a young gun that's developed quite the reputation in recent years for his faithful restoration of several prominent courses.  Here's a brief CV from Golf Digest:

Foster, who was recently chosen to renovate Olympia Fields and is currently working on Congressional C.C., told the Fauquier Times this past October that the demands of

Congressional forced him to close the Outpost. Some of Foster's recent renovations include Apawamis Club, Philadelphia Cricket Club, Moraine C.C., Old White at The Greenbrier, Eastward Ho! and Orchard Lake.

I'm most familiar with his work on The Cricket Club, a Tillinghast that had been neglected for decades, though I also see his work at Apawamis each time I make the left onto Locust to head into Rye.

The Outpost was an antique and specialty shop run by Foster and his wife, though it seems that those specialties were of the rather illegal ilk:

Golf architect Keith Foster plead guilty on Wednesday in a Virginia courtroom to illegally transporting between $250,000 and $500,000 worth of items made from endangered species, migratory birds and other wildlife. Foster now faces a five-year prison sentence. 

According to the U.S. Department of Justice, Foster and his wife violated portions of the Lacey Act—which is a conservation law in the United States that prohibits trade in wildlife, fish, and plants that have been illegally taken, possessed, transported, or sold—when they owned a store called The Output in Middleburg, Va. The store specialized in selling foreign-sourced merchandise, a portion of which included wildlife products made from endangered species such as crocodiles, sea turtles and sawfish.

Egads, what was he thinking?   And to make matters worse, he couldn't help bragging about it, to the worst audience imaginable:

"To evade enforcement by Fish and Wildlife, Foster relied on a shipping company to falsify import records in order to hide wildlife items and avoid inspection by the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service and other law enforcement officials.

Those documents indicated that starting in December 2016, on numerous occasions Foster discussed with a customer, later revealed to be an undercover agent for the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, the unlawful nature of his conduct. He also told the undercover agent that it was illegal to import sawfish blades but that he intended to smuggle them.

Foster told the agent, “Rest assured, I’m gonna bring more in ‘cause I’m the only fool in the States that probably wants to risk it."

Oddly enough, there is a precedent for this kind of behavior....  And while it ultimately has a happy ending, the interim results were tragic:

When Lord George Bennett founded the little town of Bandon on the very western rim of

Oregon in 1873, he must have been pining for his native Ireland. It was from Ireland that Bennett imported both the name of his new home town — and an ornamental shrub that would one day destroy it. 

The shrub is called gorse. If you’ve driven much along the Oregon Coast you’ll have noticed it; it’s increasingly dominant as you approach Bandon from the north or south, displacing the native salal plants with their waxy dark-green leaves and bland-tasting purple berries. It’s usually in the form of a chest-high gray-green mass, sometimes speckled with little yellow flowers like those of Scotch Broom. Its leaves are protected by a tangle of low-grade prickles, like those on a thistle. 

But it’s not for its prickles that the stuff is feared in Oregon. It’s for its love of fire.

Anyone that's ever touched a gorse bush will laugh at the thought of someone being nostalgic for it, as it's really quite vile.  The danger of the gorse was the only reason that Mike Keiser got permission to build his first golf course, and the rest is history....

Stick With Your K-Sigs - Do you feel that you underpay for your Pro-V1's?  Looking to show off to your Saturday foursome?  We've got you covered:

Chances are you’ve never heard of ClearSports. The under-the-radar sports-equipment manufacturer sells tennis rackets for $240 and high-end golf shafts for $450. But it’s the golf balls that caught my eye. 

One dozen Clear balls will run you a minimum of $90, or $7.50 per ball. To put that number into perspective, most other premium balls cap out at about $45-$48 per dozen — or $4 per ball.

But wait, it's even worse than that:

The company makes the balls even more exclusive by setting a limit of one introductory box “per prospective member.” That’s right; should you want to become a regular consumer of Clear balls, there’s an application process. Those who get approved earn the

privilege of paying a one-time membership fee of $1,200 to receive 12 dozen balls and some apparel bearing the Clear logo. 

The balls — and the business model — are the brainchild of ClearSports co-founder Garry Singer. Golf balls weren’t even on Singer’s radar until five years ago when he sold his legal staffing company and started looking for a new venture. The 54-year-old initially thought about buying a professional tennis tournament in Connecticut, but was eventually persuaded by friends in the golf industry to consider the idea of making a high-tech ball. 

“The challenge was an intriguing one,” Singer said.

Glad it's working out for him, though not clear (see what I did there) why the rest of us should pay the price.  Unless, you know, there's something special about them:

With the help of veteran golf-ball chemists and other industry sharpies, Singer and friend Mitchell Slater went to work building Clear. The result was two models: a softer three-piece Red and firmer four-piece Black that caters to different feel, launch and spin preferences. If you’re looking for an in-depth story on the technology inside each Clear ball, Singer’s not your guy — he’s unwilling to divulge what separates his product from others. 

“It’s the secret sauce,” he said. “We don’t like to share that information with everyone. It’s sort of like a secret society for diehard golfers.”

Do they include the instructions for the secret handshake in each sleeve?  As for your humble blogger, I'm already a member of this secret society and they'll allow me to buy two dozen at a time.

Golf, Still Hard - Luke Kerr-Dineen fires up the Wabac Machine to remind us of these old Tiger commercials for Nike.  Not only do I not remember them, but I gotta admit that this one at the least is quite hilarious:

Interesting in that they don't actually try to sell you anything....  Just Tiger with a big swoosh on his hat, you'll figure the rest out.

Love On The Links - That's where it happened for Employee No. 2 and I, so you'll understand why I had to click through to this one.  No surprise that they lead with this happy couple:

They've got all the usual suspects, Tiger and Erica, Rickie and Allison, and the rest....  Though I don't why Allison didn't trot out this swimsuit at the Ryder Cup:

Hey, it's a slow news week.... They also have ny favorite DJ-Paulina photo of all time, and you know that this is an especially competitive category:

Paulina as milkmaid?  Hey, a fellow can dream....

Not to worry, they include everyone's favorite couple:

Better yet, they're running a poll here, though you might notice an omission from the list of nominees:

Allison Stokke and Rickie Fowler.

Jena Sims and Brooks Koepka.

Erica Herman and Tiger Woods.

Annie Verret and Jordan Spieth.

Paulina Gretzky and Dustin Johnson.

Jillian Wisniewski and Justin Thomas.

Why the hate?  I suspect you're gonna be hearing from Justine on Twitter.....

There's More Than Eight -  Desperate for content, the folks at Golf Magazine share their favorite courses of 2018 with us, the so-called Great Eight.  The thing is, of course, that reading about a writer's first look at Pacific Dunes or Teeth of the Dog leaves one underwhelmed....  If you've been there, you know all about.... and if you haven't?  Well, you probably still know about it....

As for Dylan Dethier continuing to milk his Monday round at Augusta via the lottery, there's a separate ring of hell reserved for him.

But there are some entries worth acknowledging, such as this one:

Golf de Morfontaine 

Mortefontaine, France 

This game is all about the Total Experience™, right? Well nothing was better for me than

Golf de Morfontaine (north of Paris) during Ryder Cup week. I had never understood what “hushed tones” really meant until Morfontaine, aptly dubbed the Augusta of France. It was the quietest round of golf I’ve ever played. There were maybe 30 other players there, and the gracious member who joined us coerced us into playing holes 19-27 (the original nine). I made an eagle, Dylan Dethier came one inch from an ace and we capped off the round with a pint on the back porch. As the sun faded over the tall pines, it was one of those rare moments where, despite having already spent eight hours there, I truly did not want to be anywhere else. —Sean Zak

 Hey, he got to play Augusta with the Sunday pins....  He doesn't get an ace as well.

Dethier is actually quite a good stick, and I'll leave you with this video, narrated by caddie Sean Zak, of his play in the Goslings Invitational:

For some reason blogger won't allow me to center the embedded videos, for which I blame the Russians.  I expect I'll take the weekend off from blogging, so see you Monday?

Thursday Threads

It's a wasteland out there, but we have just a few items for your delectation....

A Bad week To Quit Smoking - Not a good week for historic Scottish links, though this latest hits your humble blogger quite hard.  Yesterday we had the Montrose Links, fifth oldest on the planet, covered in sand.  Today we lost this notable clubhouse:

The clubhouse at Machrihanish Golf Club in Scotland was destroyed on Wednesday after a devastating fire hit the property. 

According to the Daily Record, officials were called to the course, which sits on the west coast of Scotland, around lunchtime. The early reports are no casualties, but the club's steward lived in a flat above the clubhouse.

Now calling it the west coast of Scotland doesn't quite do it justice, as it's at the far end of the Kintyre Peninsula.  Let's see if this map helps:

The golf club is located on the western side of the peninsula, at the southern end.  One can fly into Campbeltown, but the more traditional route is via two ferries from Troon.

The area is also known as the Mull of Kintyre, the unfortunate beneficiary of this Paul McCartney ode....It's really quite dreadful, and the blurry video seems a curious choice, but other than that it's great.

The clubhouse and first tee sit on a spit of land originally used as some kind of military facility, creating the ultimate cape hole.  Here's the hole description from Golf Club Atlas:

It's a great opening shot, though not all that difficult.  There's no reason to bite off too much, as all of the Mull is to the player's right.  But it's unusual and dramatic, and an otherwise delightful links....

I still have swag that I wear from their pro shop, and we might just have to make a return visit to help them recover from this loss.  I erred greatly in not visiting The Machrie on Arran during our trip there, and given Arran's large number of distilleries I can't see Employee No. 2 objecting to a visit.  

The Year That Was -  Folks are continuing their wistful walks down memory lane, including two offerings devoted exclusively to rules issues.  Ryan Herrington offers his under this header:

The 16 most gut-wrenching Rules decisions of 2018

My gut is notoriously slow to wrench, so watcha got, Ryan?

Rhein Gibson, Bahamas Great Abacao Classic

During the second event of the Web.com Tour season in January, Gibson got a one-stroke penalty when his caddie, Brandon Davis, picked up his ball from a hazard on the final hole of the tournament rather than Gibson. The extra stroke dropped a none-too-happy Gibson from T-2 to solo third and caused him to throw his putter cover at Davis in disgust. Davis wasn’t Gibson’s full-time caddie, but the 32-year-old Australian made sure he wasn’t his part-time one any more either, firing Davis for the blunder. That night, Davis took to social media to offer an explanation for his actions, taping an eight-minute video in which he cited Decision 26-1/9 to try to exonerate him.

Oh man, I had forgotten that one....  If you've forgotten or never saw it, the appeal here is that hostage video from caddie Brandon Davis, in which he strangely tries to pull the Khalid Sheikh Mohammed look with a troubling amount of success.  Good times!

You guys know most of these, and kudos to Phil and Lexi for appearing twice.  This one was new to me, and I might need a diagram to understand it:

Iowa men’s golf team/Gonzalo Leal, Marquette Invitational 

We’re declaring this one from October the winner for the weirdest rules spat of the year (which is saying a lot). We’ll go slow for clarity’s sake. Leal, a Hawkeye freshman, hit his drive right on the 12th hole during the tournament’s second round at Erin Hills. Uncertain what happened to it, he hit a provisional ball. Leal found what he thought was his provisional ball after believing his original ball was in a water hazard, and decided to invoke the two-ball rule (Rule 3-3), playing the provisional ball and a ball dropped next to the hazard where he believed the original ball had gone. After hitting both balls on the green, Leal found threeof his balls on the green. It turned out his playing partner, Northwestern’s Lucas Brecht, actually mistakenly hit Leal’s provisional ball, and that the ball Leal thought was his provisional was actually his original ball. (Brecht got a two-stroke penalty for hitting a wrong ball). Having played his original, Leal finished up the hole with that ball and thought he was in the clear. But since he invoked the two-ball rule, by playing the original ball Leal technically was playing the wrong ball and actually couldn’t go back to his original ball. And because he didn’t correct his mistake, he technically had no score for the hole and thus was disqualified. Worse, that DQ caused the entire Iowa team to be DQ’d from the event since they were only playing with four golfers that round due to their fifth player withdrawing due to injury. The DQ dropped the team to last place in the event, which caused them to fall from No. 14 in the Golfweek Sagarin Rankings to No. 49.

Thanks for going slow, but maybe slower still next time?

Of course the winner has to be Doris Chen and her mother that kicked a ball back into play....  Yanno, family values and all.

This second offering from Dan Killbridge at Golfweek is replete with category errors, of which this was my fave:

5. J.B. Holmes, Farmers Insurance Open 

With the final round at Torrey Pines already approaching six hours, J.B. Holmes took an agonizing 4-plus minutes to hit a single shot on the 18th hole. He was roundly slammed on Twitter and reenergized debate surrounding slow play on Tour.

 I don't consider this a rules issue, as evidenced by he absence of a ruling....  However, it isn't often one sees and actual touring professional unable to pull the trigger.  I mean except for Kevin Na back in the day....  But to waste that amount of time, and then to lay-up into the rough forfeiting any remain chance to win the event.  Come back Chip Beck, all is forgiven....

Also wistful is Alex Myers, with his list of most buzzworthy moments, for which I'll tease you with Alex's montage:

That middle panel is quite hilarious, so why not give Alex a click.  And forgive the spoiler alert, but his worthy winner is Ho-sung Choi, though it's an honor just to be nominated.

Stat So? - Christopher Powers encroaches on Mark Broadie territory with this:

14 of the most telling statistics from the PGA Tour in 2018

11 — Number of players who ended win droughts of at least at 4½ years on the tour. They are as follows, from longest dry spell to shortest: Charles Howell III (11 years, 9 months), Paul Casey (8 years, 11 months), Kevin Na (7 years, 9 months), Keegan Bradley (6 years, 1 month), Ted Potter, Jr. (5 years, 7 months), Ian Poulter (5 years, 5 months), Tiger Woods (5 years, 1 month), Phil Mickelson (4 years, 8 months), Webb Simpson (4 years, 7 months), Matt Kuchar (4 years, 7 months) and Gary Woodland (4 years, 6 months). Lee Westwood also ended a victory drought of 4 years and 7 months on the European Tour at the Nedbank Challenge. Westwood’s last PGA Tour win came at the 2010 FedEx St. Jude Classic.

It does seem like there were an unusually high number of such comebacks...  But he elides the oddest factoid involved here.  To wit, that Kooch and Westwood's dates overlap exactly.  They started and ended their winless streaks on the exact same Sundays.....

This one is interesting:

4.57 — Tiger Woods' par-5 scoring average. The number matches the worst mark in Woods' career; in 2013 he also had a 4.57 average. However that year it was good enough to tie him for fourth on tour. This year, that mark tied him for 24th, by far the worst standing of his career in the category. Prior to this season, Woods had never finished worse than T-6 for a season in par-5 scoring average. In nine of his first 10 seasons on tour, he finished first, including eight straight to start his career.

One could almost guess that this reflects the way the guys send it these days, though I've been reliably informed that there's nothing to see here....  Nope, nothing at all:

278.9 — Average driving distance in yards in 2018 for Brian Stuard, who ranked dead last in that statistic among the 193 players that qualified. Averaging 300 yards on the nose didn’t even get you in the top 50 last season. In 1998, 300 yards would have ranked first on the PGA Tour, and 278 would put you in the top 30.

Nothing to see here....

68.00 — Saturday scoring average for both Tiger Woods and Rory McIlroy, tying them for first overall on the PGA Tour. Each, however, had just one victory, and though both were impressive (Woods’ 80th career W at the Tour Championship, Rory’s Sunday charge at Bay Hill), they probably both think they could have had more. Their Sunday scoring averages played a role in that, with Woods’ dropping nearly two strokes to 69.75 (41st on tour) and McIlroy’s two full strokes to 70.00 (T-54 on tour).

I thought Rory's would be better, as he's perfected the art of the back door Top Ten.

Mikey's Moments -  Mike Bamberger scores some interesting comments from the relaxed crew at the PNC Father-Son, including this from Vijay:

MM No. 1: Singh, talking amicably about his settlement last month of a nasty piece of litigation with the PGA Tour known in some quarters as the Deer Antler Spray suit: “It was good for both sides, I guess. I’m glad it’s over. It lingered on and on and on and it’s nice to just finally have it behind me. The PGA Tour has always been a great

organization. It was just a [PED rule] that didn’t pan out. Everybody knows about it, I’m glad it’s over.” 

Singh is 55 and he had no problem rattling off his January, February and March schedule because it’s pretty much what it’s always been: “Sony. AT&T. L.A. Honda. Bay Hill. TPC. And then I’ll see what happens.” In other words, regular Tour. 

Sony is the Hawaiian Open. AT&T is Pebble Beach. Honda is Honda. Bay Hill is the Arnold Palmer event. TPC is the Players Championship. About the only Tour-preferred corporate name Singh missed was Genesis, which is what Tiger Woods calls the annual stop at Riviera, longtime home of the Los Angeles Open. This year, Singh finished seventh and made $1.7 million on the PGA Tour Champions.

MM denotes mellow moments, the vibe of the F-S for sure.   I'm grappling with my grief at this settlement, and also a bit curious as to how many zeros were involved.  But Shack is here to harsh the mellow on a different issue:

Singh, 55, also outlined his plans to keep taking up a spot on the PGA Tour by playing a full West Coast Swing schedule. Charming.

In the last two PGA Tour seasons, Singh has missed 17 of 28 cuts. His best finishes came at the 2017 Players (T16) and 2018 Masters (49th).

Not sure if Shack missed a better finish at LA, but his point is valid regardless.  It's time for Veej to go gracefully (or not) into that good night.

This is a sweet one for sure:

MM No. 5: Jack Nicklaus is playing with his grandson, GT, Gary’s son. GT is the kid who made a hole-in-one in the Wednesday par 3 tournament, taking over for a shot while serving as his grandfather’s caddie at the Masters in April. Big Jack was asked about that ace on Friday and what he said is astounding and is so revealing about Nicklaus. He said: 

“GT had hit my pitching wedge on the practice range. First time he ever saw it. He had a jumpsuit on, which was pretty tight. He made a beautiful golf swing. Knocked it on the green and into the hole. Gary Player was jumping up and down. Tom Watson was jumping up and down. I think I was crying. He was obviously ecstatic. It was great. I walked down the path and Curtis Strange was in the booth. He looked back at me and said, `How does that rank at the Masters for you?’ And just went like that.”

And Nicklaus held up his index finger. No. 1. 

This from the man who won the Masters six times. 

“What you do with your own kids or grandkids is far more important than anything I have done, he said. 

If that doesn’t show the perspective of age, what could?

Expect any less of Jack?

Time to get on with my day....Enjoy yours. 

Midweek Musings

We've got some hard-hitting coverage for y'all today....  We report without fear or favor.

Holy S**t, Batman! - I had been reliably informed that golf is a game played by gentlemen, though I'm thinking there has to be a Robert Allenby exclusion buried in the fine print.  Josh Berhow has this unique year-in-review offering:

Justin Thomas was overwhelmed with emotion. Under the fading sunlight in Palm Beach Gardens, Fla., Thomas had just two-putted for birdie on the first playoff hole to win the 2018 Honda Classic. 

After holing the tournament-winner — a knee-knocking four-footer — he took a step back and pumped his fists once. “Let’s go!” he yelled. Then he did it again. This time with slightly more colorful language, and CBS microphones caught it all: “F— yeah, baby!” 

Less than an hour later, while meeting with the press, Thomas could only laugh at his 73rd-hole slip. 

“I didn’t know that was obviously going to be on TV or I wouldn’t have said it,” he said. “I’m sorry. Please don’t fine me very much, PGA. … I apologize to anybody that heard it, or everybody that heard it.”

Apparently nine complaints were made to the FCC, and Josh has them all.... This guy singles out one repeat offender:

One of the NBC complaints was triggered by a Tiger Woods expletive during the final round of the Bay Hill Invitational. The viewer said they were watching with their 10-year-old son. 

“I am trying to teach my son golf and would like to continue watching, but I don’t think I can,” the viewer said. “I feel like when [Woods] plays they should use a delay.”

Oh sure, pick on the black guy.  But for those keeping score at home, this was the most memorable of these incidents:

In all fairness, is it too much to ask that we get a shot of said hot ex?  They get us interested in the characters, and then cut us off abruptly.....

Cancel The Rent Party - Forbes with the comforting news that our hero might just make it after all:

Tiger Woods cracked the winner’s circle for the first time in five years when he won the Tour Championship in September. It was a remarkable comeback after four back

surgeries for Woods, who will turn 43 at the end of the month. 

While injuries have limited the golfer on the course since 2014, he continues to be a bankable star off it, more than two decades after he turned pro. The result is an estimated net worth of $800 million, tied for ninth with author James Patterson in Forbes’ annual measure of America’s Wealthiest Celebrities. The golfer and author rank just behind hip-hop artist Diddy ($825 million). Star Wars creator George Lucas is the top celebrity at $5.4 billion. 

Woods has earned $1.5 billion since he turned pro in 1996 ($1.8 billion adjusted for inflation), with more than 90% of the tally from endorsements, appearance fees and golf course design work. His $116 million in career prize money on the PGA Tour is 31% ahead of Phil Mickelson, who sits in second. Woods was the highest-paid athlete for 11 straight years when he was at the peak of his game and winning 14 major championships.

Well, that's certainly a relief.... A major in 2019 and he might just catch Diddy..... There was a time a few years ago when Tiger was rumored to be somewhere between cash poor and destitute, though he's so cheap with a dollar that it never computed.

Top-Dressing In Scotland - Don't you just hate the aeration on your home course?  More than anything, it's the sand used as part of the drill and fill program that irks me.  But this from one of Scotland's historic links seems like overkill:

Scotland’s Montrose Golf Links advertises itself as the fifth-oldest golf course in the world; the rugged links have stood the test of time for more than 450 years on Scotland’s east coast. But the second hole, which overlooks the beach and the North Sea, was radically transformed during a weekend storm. 

As sea levels have risen in recent years, the sea has crept closer and closer to Montrose’s first three holes — 70 meters closer in 30 years, according to research from Dundee University. When Storm Deirdre hit the area on Saturday, the high winds brought the beach to the course itself, blanketing the fairways and greens and filling holes and bunkers with sand. 

Head greenskeeper Darren McLaughlin told PitchCare he’s never seen anything like it in 22 years in the industry, and locals have said this is the worst they’ve ever seen. 

“This is a result of coastal erosion, the dunes slightly just retreating towards the golf course,” McLaughlin said. “When the wind turns to come from the southeast then effectively there is very little protection. It blows up towards the course, to the second fairway and leaves this fairly thick carpet of sand; and then the fairway is basically unplayable. I have never seen anything like that.”

Looks really wild, and you'll never guess where they lay the blame....  Oh, who am I kidding?  They can't help themselves...... Apparently there was never crazy weather before the invention of the internal combustion engine.

Is This a Good Look? - I have a question for you... what exactly was wrong with dropping the ball from shoulder height?  One of my ongoing frustrations with our governing bodies is that they waste their efforts on rules that don't need updating.  For example, the elimination of the penalty for double-hits.  Who exactly was the pro-double-hit lobby?

Golf.com has been running a series of items on the pending rules changes, none of which I've felt the need to share with my knowledgeable readership.  Today's installment covers the revised rules governing drops, and I have a simple question.  Why do they want make us look like buffoons:

It's not a dignified look, is it?  I guess there's nothing preventing us from continuing to drop from shoulder height....

Alan, En Fuego - Alan Shipnuck's weekly mailbag feature has carried many of my posts, but this week's is especially good.  Shall we dive in, the first question being something of a twofer?

#AskAlan What is the bigger crime against humanity – Dru Love (aspiring Tour pro, a dozen career Tour starts) competing in the Father/Son or Omar Uresti (a PGA Life Member, over 350 career Tour starts) competing as a “club pro”? -@BladyNick 

What about John Peterson getting his am status back in 3 years? -@NoCartsPlease 

All of the above are abominations, fundamentally altering the playing field in unfair ways. The Peterson thing really bugs me. Amateur status should be like your virginity – once it’s gone, it’s gone forever. To be a pro means devoting countless hours to your game, conferring a lifetime advantage over mere amateurs. Uresti has a similar edge over the poor sweater-folders he’s competing against. And the Dru Love outrage has been so pervasive I don’t have much to add, other than scorn.

OK, I have trouble working up any outrage over the Father-Son, it not being serious enough to warrant my scorn.  But I am amused by how angry club pros get about Omar Uresti, given that he's legitimately working as a club pro.  

A couple of Jack queries for you?

Looking for a late Christmas gift: what is the best Jack Nicklaus biography? -Eric (@GolfTrotterQc) 

It’s kind of sad that all the Nicklaus autobios are somewhat dry and boring. Arnie & Jack by Ian O’Connor is probably your best bet, since it’s enlivened by the Palmer material. Duel in the Sun by Michael Corcoran is not as expansive but it does a terrific job bringing to life the unforgettable 1977 Open Championship. I also really like Curt Sampson’s The Eternal Summer about the 1960 season – there’s a lot of Hogan and Palmer here but also some fascinating stuff about the young Nicklaus.

Jack is my golf God, but he's not a terribly interesting subject for a bio....  Just too nice and too upstanding.  But this one I like:

Looks like Jack can still putt. What would his legitimate handicap be? #AskAlan -John (@jkellegrew) 

Put him on 6K yard tees, which makes sense for a man of his age, and he’s scratch … at least if there are cameras and fans around. The Nicklaus kitchen is papered in signed $100 bills he’s taken from his regular playing partners. One of Big Jack’s intimates told me that these days across 18 holes his interest seems to come and go but he *always* birdies the last hole to take the money. How good is that?

It's very good, indeed. 

One more from the F-S:

I fell in love with Little John’s game this weekend. Discuss. -@BrianvRowe 

Yeah, it was a revelation watching him play. Like most golfers, I probably spend too much time worrying about mechanics and being bogged down by swing thoughts. Little John is the antidote to all of that. The freedom with which he plays is truly inspiring.

I'm sorry, I couldn't get past the shorts....

In order, Koepka’s power, Spieth’s putter, Tiger’s mind, Reed’s short game, Stenson’s 3-wood, Pepperell’s humour or Rock’s hairdo? -@MarkTownsendNCG 

I don’t need Rock’s hair! This is what I crave, in order: Koepka’s long-game, Reed’s short-game, Spieth’s putter, Tiger’s mind (because if I have all of the above, I can remain mentally weak), Stenson’s 3-wood, Pepperell’s wit.

Alan's hair supremacy acknowledged, it seems a strange time to go all-in on Jordan's putting...Just sayin'.

Since repairs will be allowed on greens starting in January, do you think there will be a movement to wear steel spike shoes again? -@TimothyrPope 

I doubt it, since most golfers are now used to wearing glorified tennis shoes and they are undeniably more comfortable. But I hope a few die-hards will go back to the nails, if only because the sound of those shoes on hard surfaces is so evocative – I can still hear the stomping of pissed-off Tour pros from the mid-90s as they stormed out of the scoring area and across parking lots.

Sigh.  he's preaching to the converted, but I miss the days when trunk-slammers were preceded by the clomp-clomp-clomp across the parking lot.....

At which North Carolina course would you like to see a PGA Tour event? Excluding Pinehurst and courses already hosting (Quail, Sedgefield, etc). -@Mason_Herlihy 

Tobacco Road!!! I played it for the first time this year and it blew my mind. It might be the most fun/outrageous course I’ve ever seen, just a vast canvas for Mike Strantz to express his artistry. The pros would probably hate it, which is all the more reason to make them play it!

I can't tell you how much I hated that golf course....  

Who is your favorite player to interview? #AskAlan -Matthew (@DKMSKeller) 

Geoff Ogilvy, Padraig, Phil, Pat Perez, Rory, Martin Kaymer, Bryson, Tony Finau, Bubba, Keegan Bradley, Sneds, Charles Howell, Stewart Cink, J. Rose, Kevin Na, J. Vegas, Brian Gay, James Hahn.

No Grayson Murray?  Patrick?  The shame, of course, is that some of those engaging personalities aren't better players.....

Here's my fave, on which I'll exit:

All these guys on Tour seem to want to get married by age 25 … usually to girlfriends they’ve had since middle school. Are there any proud cocksmen on Tour or is any action happening on burner phones behind closed doors? -

@PaulKoehorst 

I agree it’s a troubling trend – these young superstars should be cutting a swath through the Maxim Hot 100! But a few Masters ago I was chatting with a tween golf phenom in Jordan Spieth’s gallery – they share a trainer and Spieth had become a mentor. I asked the kid if Jordan ever offered advice for his love life and he said,”Yeah, he told me to find a good girl and hold on to her – it’s better for your golf.” No doubt skirt-chasing siphons a lot of time and energy that could otherwise be used to accrue FedEx Cup points. Spieth’s words are more than advice – it’s a worldview. And most of his contemporaries have taken it to heart.

Hey, we still have DJ.....  Cocksmen don't get much prouder than that, and he's seemingly been up to old tricks lately....

Catch ya later....