Public Relations 101 - Grade: F-

This so-called silly season is getting sillier by the minute...Mind you, I'm not complaining.

So our story starts with the current issue of Golf Digest, which the reader may have notices includes Dan Jenkin's "interview" with Tiger Woods.  And yes, those scare quotes are there for a very specific reason... Here's a short grab to get us rolling:

I've always wanted to ask, what's with these pet names you give people? Maybe it's

The Escalade is a nice detail.

a California thing, but Marko? Steiny? Stevie? Cookie? Chuckie? It's like everybody but you comes out of the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. 

I don't know, Jenko. I'll have to ask Steiny about that.

Now, just so we're all clear as we dive in deeper, the title of Jenkins' piece is "My (Fake) Interview with Tiger Woods, " so one fluent in the English languabe could not possibly read the item without the knowledge that it's, you know, what's the word I'm grasping for, fake.

Looks more like Michael
Campbell to me.

You should go and read the item before we go any further.  Go ahead, I'll be here when you get back.

OK, now I'm a big Dan Jenkins fan, but this is third-rate Jenkins at best.  He hits the right notes (bad tipper: check, propensity to fire employees: check) and there's amusement to be had, but it's got a pro forma feel to it and suffers perhaps from being a tad too personal.  The pleasure is more that someone could write it, and only a living legend could possibly do so, than in the actual writing.  Though perhaps this is more reflective of the elevated standards that Jenkins has set...

So, imagine for a sec that you're the public relations official for Team Tiger...what strategy do you recommend to address this intolerable calumny?  Hold that thought, as Tiger decides to respond ina piece posted at Derek Jeter's new venture, Players' Tribune.  Let's start with just the title of the piece:

Not True, Not Funny

Okay, let's unpack this, shall we?  I've no argument with the first half of that, though I do think that's what Jenkins was going for with his use of the word "Fake."  Oh, and did I mention that fake appears not only in the article title, but on the mag cover as well?   As for the latter allegation, that's a matter of opinion and, while I'm happy to know where Tiger weighs in, in matters of humor the Jenkins v. Woods cage match is a walkover, as the latter leans more to flatulence and scatological themes.

Meanwhile, here's Tiger's lede:

Did you read Dan Jenkins’ interview with me in the latest Golf Digest? I hope not. 

Because it wasn't me. It was some jerk he created to pretend he was talking to me. That’s right, Jenkins faked an interview, which fails as parody, and is really more like a grudge-fueled piece of character assassination. 

Journalistically and ethically, can you sink any lower?

Ethically?  In a story clearly labelled fake?  

Now I love the Jeter connection, because the blogger code of ethics requires me to remind the reader that Tiger met famed celbrity-handler Rachel Uchitel at Derek Jeter's apartment.  

Now, let's circle back for another brief excerpt from the Jenkins' ersatz interview:

Speaking of Sergio, I'm sure you read this quote he said about you: "He's not the nicest guy on tour. We don't enjoy each other's company. You don't have to be a rocket engineer to figure that out." Got a response? 

Sergio wins Low Crybaby in every tournament. That's all I know.

Pot, kettle.

Then, because perhaps some folks missed the Jenkins piece, Tiger had the aforementioned Steiny, who really should know better, send an officious letter to Golf Digest.  If you've the time and stomach for it, Shack has posted it in it's entirety here, along with his oh-so-through Fisking of Tiger's rebuttal.  But really, life is far too short...

Wondering about the origins of this blood feud?  Bob Harig has the background:

Jenkins has been a longtime critic of Woods, going back to when the 14-time major winner first turned pro in 1996. Among his stated issues with the golfer is that Woods never would consent to a sit-down, one-on-one interview. In the introduction to his story, Jenkins writes that when Woods returned to golf from back surgery, "this energized me so much I immediately tracked down Tiger and asked if we could do the interview we should have done years ago." He then says Woods agreed and "suggested we grab a couple of orange Slurpees at the 7-Eleven and meet at a GameStop, where we could play Tomb Raider during breaks."

Really?  That's it?  

You're probably thinking that we should wind this down at this point, but there's one more person that felt obliged to opine on the subject.  Any guesses?  Anyone....Bueller?

That would be Lindsey Vonn, famed Olympic Gold medalist and current Tiger-squeeze:

"We talked about the article and that he was going to say something," Vonn told USA TODAY Sports. "I completely agree with him. I agree with his statement and I'm glad that he did it. That's not journalism. It was like a fabricated interview, like what (Jenkins) thinks Tiger would say. 

"But it went way too far, and it wasn't very clear that it was a joke, that it was fabricated.

Ummm....Lindsey, how exactly did you interpret the word fake?  Shall we look at one last excerpt from the Maestro's FAKE interview?

Let's move on. Are there any wedding bells in the future for Lindsey Vonn?

With me?

If you're gonna hide behind your girlfriend's apron strings, those are admittedly some pretty fierce versions.  But while I'm guessing that Lindsey could handle Dan in a fair fight, if Dan is half the man I think then the fight will not be terribly fair.

But the moral of our tale, made here by Jason McIntyre, is this:

Quick reminder: Nobody was talking about this at all until Tiger’s team went on the offensive this afternoon.

And that's why a failing grade is justified for Team Tiger.  Whatever the merits of the original story, they have made a classic blunder in drawing far greater scrutiny to the story.  So, unless this was done over his objections, Tiger should, in fact, fire Steiny.