Man Shows Wife How To Close The 8,537 Browser Tabs She Has Open
Hey, unlike your humble blogger, she at least has some rudimentary tech support.
“See honey, that 'X' in the upper right corner allows you to close that tab you are no longer using,” said Clarence to his wife, Clarice, as she nodded along while not really listening because she saw a tab showing a swimsuit she had been looking at a few months ago, but was now probably ready to buy. “All you need to do is is tap that 'X' with your finger, and it’s gone. Simple as an oil change.”
Good thing I got to it early, as Twitter will be shutting down the Babylon Bee in 3,2,1. Nothing shows a genuine commitment to fighting disinformation on a non-partisan basis quite like suspending satirical sites.
Haven't We Suffered Enough? - I'm amused remembering Phil's whine about paying the Tour for the waiver for these. Somehow, for this one, I'm betting there's no personal check from Phil made out to Jay Monahan. But, it's back:
The only place you'll see four of the last five NFL MVPs competing at the same time and same place this year is on a golf course.This year's version of Capital One's The Match will feature a foursome of Tom Brady, Aaron Rodgers, Patrick Mahomes and Josh Allen. The 12-hole exhibition will take place on June 1 (6:30 p.m. ET on TNT) at Wynn Las Vegas, the only golf course on the Las Vegas Strip.It will be the old guard against the youngsters with Brady and Rodgers versus Mahomes and Allen, Turner Sports announced on Monday.Brady and Rodgers played in The Match last year but as opponents. They were paired with PGA Tour stars Phil Mickelson and Bryson DeChambeau last July in Big Sky, Montana. Rodgers and DeChambeau won the match, with Rodgers clinching the victory by making a 12-foot putt on the 16th hole.There have been five previous editions of Capital One's The Match that have raised nearly $33 million for various charitable organizations, according to Turner Sports.
The single most dramatic moment in the prior installments was Tom Brady's pants splitting, so one can see where he was a shoo-in to return. And since they seem to be going for active QBs, perhaps that explains the flip-flop about retirement.
Notable also is that, despite the last version being such a dud, they're sticking with the 12-hole match. But with no actual professional golfers, I'm struggling to understand who might check in on this. The amateurs were the most interesting part of earlier versions, but mostly limited to Phil's coaching thereof. On their own?
It's on a Wednesday night, so doesn't compete with tournament golf, at least not directly. Withoit the presence of Tour members, I'm not sure this requires a waiver from Ponte Vedra Beach, which is likely why it includes no actual professional golfers.
Also no word on whether Phil will be in the booth. I don't see why not, as he doesn't need to be in London until June 9th.
But I've Already Seen Titanic - The secret ingredient (the bride loves her Chopped) would seem to be golf too painful to watch... Think I'm kidding?
Color me skeptical, as I'm pretty sure that I can turn off Greg Norman AND Nick Faldo anytime I choose.... Though, why take chances, better never to turn it on.
There is a moment early on in “Shark,” ESPN’s latest 30 for 30 documentary film, when you hearthe soothing voice of CBS veteran broadcaster Verne Lundquist say, “This one might go down as one of the greatest final-round collapses in major tournament history.” The viewer has just been shown a highlight from the 1996 Masters, when Greg Norman nearly chips in at the 15th hole and then falls to the ground as the ball veers past the cup. The camera pulls back, and you see that Norman is hearing those words as he watches the highlight on a laptop. He rests his face on his hand, and then he lets a finger drop over his lips. He looks off in the distance. He doesn’t say a word.It is an awkward few seconds that auger more uncomfortable moments to come. “Shark” is a montage of Norman’s playing career—his star turn as the charismatic actor who held the World No. 1 ranking for 331 weeks in the 1980 and ’90s, and, of course, his many star-crossed episodes in major championships. But throughout the one-hour program, which premieres at 8:30 p.m. ET on Tuesday, April 19, there is the tenor of omnipresent funereal dread, because woven throughout the narrative is the crushing defeat Norman suffered at Augusta National Golf Club 26 years ago.Norman at one point concedes that viewing his life and career through the prism of his Masters disappointments, particularly ’96, has some relevance. “I think my history there [at Augusta] is more entrenched than some guys who have won a green jacket, to be honest with you,” he says.
Hmmm, don't know about that, but you're very much up there with Ed Sneed and Scott Hoch.
This is more than a little ironic:
A line that resonates throughout this hour-long film comes near the beginning: “The tragedy is not that he loses, but that he almost wins. That’s the compelling nature of Greg.” Documenting those various “almost” incidents is the compelling nature of “Shark,” co-directed by Thomas Odelfelt and Jason Hehir, the latter who directed “The Last Dance,” the immensely captivating 10-part series on Michael Jordan that aired in 2020. The two offerings in the canon could not be more different in tone, however, owing largely to the climax. We know Jordan wins. We know Norman loses.We’re watching an elegy.
For anyone that hasn't seen The Last Dance, it's really quite excellent. But Greg Norman would clearly be the Bizarro World Michael Jordan...
It's getting favorable press, I just have no interest in spending any more time than is strictly necessary with Mr. Norman. Also, I tend to avoid anything that might induce a sympathetic reaction to Nick Faldo...
Fact Checking Sir Mumbles - Did someone mention the artist formerly known as Nick Foldo? We flooded the zone covering his spoiler of that Rory McIlroy bunker shot at Augusta, including his attempts to deflect blame. It seems when he gest excited that we can no longer expect him to do his job, which ironically was also the case in his prior job.
I just have zero tolerance for the man. One of these days I'll waste a few hours and make a transcript of his analyst work, just to put on paper the mindless drivel that comes out of his mouth. Even allowing for the vast amounts of air that need filling, it's mindless drivel that emerges from his pie hole, and even that is such an obvious struggle to get out.
When I heard this on that Saturday broadcast, I turned to Employee No.2 and said, "Is that true?"
During Saturday’s third-round coverage at the Masters, Tiger Woods had just left a putt short on10 when CBS lead analyst Nick Faldo said: “There are so many things to calculate. The greens will be cold, the grass will be cold. I can promise you it makes a difference.”It was a passing comment, but it echoed in the ether. The implication seemed to be that cool temperatures at Augusta National — it was in the high-30s at 7 a.m. that day with temperatures topping out at only 54 degrees in the early-evening — had made Woods’ putt roll slower.
It seems I wasn't the only one asking that:
Anyone buying this grass temperature theory from NF?
— Graeme McDowell (@Graeme_McDowell) April 9, 2022
Anyone buying anything from NF?
Perhaps we should consult someone that knows something, which immediately excludes Sir Mumbles?
And, so, the question: Does turf temperature affect the pace of putting surfaces, and, if so, how?Bob Ranum is a turf consultant and the former longtime superintendent at Atlantic Golf Club, on Long Island. He was at Augusta on Saturday. In his opinion, it was “a good day for green speed.” If anything, he noted, “When you have these low temperatures, the bent grass will slow its growth down and in turn the greens will typically speed up.”Low temperatures, Ranum said, only slow down putting surfaces when combined with humidity; when the air gets sticky, greens can turn sticky, too.But on Saturday at Augusta, the humidity was negligible, Ranum says. (If it you’re keeping score at home, it was 42 percent, according to the National Weather Service.)
Just making crap up. Want another opinion?
Another educated opinion comes from Jeremy Hreben, superintendent at Indian Spring Country Club, in New Jersey, and president of the Golf Course Superintendents Association of New Jersey. Like Ranum, Hreben said that he couldn’t see how lower temperatures would slow down greens. On the flip side, he noted, when temperatures soar, turf sucks up more moisture from the soil, yielding firmer, drier conditions. In that respect, he said, he can see how higher temperatures would help yield faster, bouncier overall conditions.
But he promised! Nick Faldo and the Mute button, perfect together.
Perfect Together? - Admittedly it's a strange run of stories today, but we'll score this one as the NIL deal made in heaven:
John Daly II has played exactly one team tournament for the University of Arkansas and posted just a single round under par during that event, but that didn’t stop the freshman from signing a name, image, likeness deal with Hooters, an agreement that was announced on Tuesday.The son of two-time major champ John Daly played in one tournament last fall for the Razorbacks, posting scores of 83-68-78 at the Blessings Collegiate Invitational in October. He also played in an individual event.
Your humble blogger is stilly trying to understand what it means to do a NIL deal, but to do it with a restaurant chain seems a bridge too far for this observer. I assume it comes with a parking spot at the Washington Road branch for the second week of April, but other than that it's all just words.
But the youngster seems committed to repeating all the mistakes of the father, so I'll not invest any further time.
First of Three - There's three books about Phil Mickelson due to drop, with Alan Shipnuck's unauthorized biography the most notable (it did garner some press, as you may have heard) and best-timed (due to drop on the Tuesday of PGA Championship week).
Geoff devotes a freebie Quadrilateral to a Q&A with author Bob Harig, and here's his intro:
Bob Harig’s Tiger & Phil takes us back to those Halcyon Days before “obnoxious greed” and “scary !@#$%^&*%$’s” joined the golf discourse.Finished long before Mickelson’s recent troubles, the subtitled “Golf’s Most Fascinating Rivalry” adds fresh perspectives and important historical details. While that may not sound significant for such recent events, Harig’s effort to document this moment in golf history brings the rivalry into focus. Such a book is actually quite rare in the world of golf literature, making Tiger & Phil (St. Martin’s Press) an important addition to the historical record. It’s also a very satisfying read for serious or casual fans.The book is a better journey without the most recent events since Harig focuses so much of detail to on-course play. He also does a sensational job of zoning in on the best and strangest episodes involving these two winners of 21 majors over 26 years.A former Evans Scholar covering golf for Sports Illustrated/Morning Read, Harig answered The Quadrilateral’s questions about the Tiger & Phil, set for release Tuesday, April 26th and available now for pre-order.
Golf's most fascinating rivalry? Hyperbolic much? More so than Jack v. Arnie? More so than Jones v. Hagen? I'll save you the suspense, golf's most interesting rivalry was the Morrises of St. Andrews vs. the Parks of Musselburgh, but that's not important now...
Shall we get to the interesting bits?
GS: It seems like you talked to a lot of people. How many did you interview and did any in particular stand out?BH: I don’t have the exact number, but it was in the neighborhood of 150 people. Coaches, caddies, players, tournament directors, volunteers, you name it. Lots of folks came in contact with them over the years. Hal Sutton stands out for sure.The 2004 Ryder Cup captain is, to this day, haunted by what happened at Oakland Hills in 2004. It directly impacted his own career. He was emotional talking about it. Another would be Rick Smith, one of Phil’s coaches who was, ultimately, let go in the aftermath of the U.S. Open loss at Winged Foot. They remained great friends afterward, but Rick had great insight into the time leading up to Phil’s major win in 2004 as well as the aftermath of that defeat at Winged Foot. Another would be Steve Williams. Tiger’s former caddie has mellowed. He was terrific on many subjects, including Phil, some of Tiger’s various victories.
Hal Sutton, eh? That would be the first Ryder Cup captain to receive a shiv from one of his players, though also the one that kinda, sorta asked for it. I mean, really, what was he thinking?
GS: Was there anyone you wanted to speak to and rebuffed your requests?BH: Ernie Els. And that was a bit of a surprise. I should have just approached him directly and started asking him questions. But I went through channels, and it became a bigger deal than it needed to be. Ernie was there for a lot of great stuff with both players. And while he had his share of tough defeats, he also had his share of wins. And a great Hall of Fame career. It seemed from his representative that he wondered why he wasn’t part of the book in a bigger way. Well, he could have been!
So, we can assume that he did talk to Tom Watson? And Billy Walters? And the Detroit mob
Feels like he pulled the trigger unfortunately early, no?
GS: You completed several years worth of work and then the rivalry has taken this latest bizarre turn. How has it been watching this latest chapter for Tiger and Phil?BH: It makes me wish I had more time to add more to the book. I sort of tried to leave open the door for the possibility of more from them. Ryder Cup captaincies. Potentially contending in majors. I would have been difficult to see this coming, and as fast as it did. First, nobody would have ever put money on Tiger playing the Masters and Phil not playing it. And yet, that’s what happened. And then there is a sadness as it pertains to Phil.No matter which side of the controversy you are on, it’s a shame it has played out this way. He cemented his legacy with that PGA win last year. The oldest major champion. A sixth major. 45 PGA Tour wins. He could have lived off that forever. Now he’s not playing and we’re not sure what is next. It has been an amazing turn.
This always seemed like the least promising and least interesting of the three books, and this doesn't add to my assessment:
GS: Watching you work over the years I know you’ve gotten to build a level of trust with both men, perhaps more than any golf writer. What’s been their attitude since they knew you were pairing them up for a book on their rivalry?BH: This is difficult because I really don’t know! I have never had a direct discussion about it with Tiger. The circumstances were such that it became difficult to have that conversation. I began the project in the spring of 2020 during the pandemic. When golf returned, we could never get near the players. There was never an appropriate time to discuss it with him. I finally had to tell one of his representatives, which I did not want to do. I wanted to tell him directly. But the word was relayed to him. Then, of course, he was involved in the car crash and that understandably wiped out any opportunity to speak to him in 2021 prior to the book’s completion.Phil and I spoke at the 2021 Players Championship. He wasn’t thrilled with the idea, but he also didn’t shut it down either. He seemed willing to discuss. We had two other times where I broached it with him and was put off. Once he won the PGA Championship, those opportunities really dried up. I finally had to move on without him. It was unfortunate because there were some aspects he could have cleaned up for me. But the gist of the book is those who were around both players going all the way back to their early years.
To me, the most interesting part was the most recent BFF stage, which always felt forced and insincere. But even that seems unlikely to survive Phil's Saudi entanglement, as Tiger has curtly cut off any hint that he might be tempted.
Depending on whether he shows, I might just have to read the Shipnuck bio during PGA week. I mean, who doesn't like a dumpster fire?
That's it for today, kids, I'll most likely see you next on Friday.
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