Friday, May 31, 2019

Your Friday Frisson

In which we have yet another installment of our recurring feature, Golfers Behaving Badly....

Dublin Doings - They're at Jack's place, but Jack might want to have a quiet word with a few of them....Before we get to that, it seems folks are way to quick to think this guy has reached the Promised Land.  Mike Bamberger, a grizzled veteran who really should know better, is at the helm this time, perfectly framing the unique mental demands of our game:
You know the deal: Koepka plays the game with his chest out, like a cleanup hitter, and if a troubling thought has ever crossed his mind on his fairway marches it’s not apparent to the millions of us watching. Then there’s Spieth and his brainy, emotional, skinny-guy
golf. The intra-hole castigation. The flop sweat. The towel-biting. Is this guy always on his tippy-toes or does it just seem that way? The great, great Spieth press-tent moment came after his win at Birkdale, where he began the final round with a three-shot lead over Matt Kuchar, before four straight bogeys out of the chute, which tied the game up. After the dust had settled and the jug went up, Spieth said, “I was questioning. Why couldn’t I just perform the shots that I was before. Sometimes you just can’t really figure it out, put your finger on it. Am I pulling it? Pushing it? Am I doing both? What’s going on with the stroke? It’s just searching… That kind of stuff goes into your head. I mean, we walk for two minutes, three minutes in between shots. And you can’t just go blank. You wish you could, but thoughts creep in.” 
Thoughts creep in.
More like flood in, though perhaps that's just me.  Well, Jordan and me, for sure....   

And while Mike's header implies that Jordan's struggles are behind him, the body of the article suggest that this 66 was more the result of smoke and mirrors:
Spieth’s 66 on the par-72 course that feels like a U.S. Open venue was a most excellent way to start the week, but it was also a most excellent adventure. Spieth, playing for his fourth consecutive week, chipped in twice. He made a bomb on the par-5 fifth for eagle. 
But he also drove it (and 3-wooded it) in play all day long, missing only two fairways.

One of his chip-ins, on the par-5 11th, rattled the flagstick before falling in. It was hot. The card said 4. He could easily have been a 6. 
“I was not deserving of that birdie,” Spieth said. “I felt like I stole one.” 
This is golf. Thoughts creep in. You make birdies you don’t deserve, you make bogeys you don’t deserve. You go to the range, looking for tomorrow when the whole world wants to ask you about yesterday.
Those fairways are plenty wide, and this week they're quite soft.  Heck, I saw somebody's three-wood hit and stick on a green in the few minutes I watched.  So they were effectively 50-60 yards wide....  I'm not rooting against the guy, just suggesting that this is an awfully small sample size.

This guy had an OK day as well, though folks seem to be grading on the curve:
A late burst of birdies gave Tiger Woods his first sub-par opening round in the Memorial Tournament since 2013. It also gave him something to build on. 
Coming off a missed cut at the PGA Championship, Woods birdied three of his last five holes Thursday for a 2-under-par 70 at Muirfield Village Golf Club on a damp, gray morning. It was his lowest score to begin this event since 2012, when he also shot 70 and went on to win the last of his record five titles here. 
“It was close to being easily a few more under par,” Woods, 43, the reigning Masters champion, said. “It was soft enough; it was gettable. And I just didn't quite do it. I had a couple of loose irons. But look at the scores. They're all getting after it today. I was close to being out there with them.”
Tiger knows he's dug himself a hole....

Shall we talk a little golf deportment....  Shack can't resist a Live Under Par™ jab, and who can blame him?  I would merely suggest that each of these men ask themselves in the moment, WWJD?  No, not him, I was referring to Jack....  I don't actually think that other guy played any golf.

 Leading off for us is former good guy Matt Kuchar, who seems determined to destroy a three-decade long reputation as a good guy in a single year.  His treatment of his fill-in looper, and us as well, has drawn scathing reviews around the world.  Thanks, Matt, it truly is a global sport thanks to your efforts....

His bizarre non-gimme with Sergio at the Match Play drew more mixed reviews, although that after-action hostage video was appointment TV.  I could swear that Sergio was blinking "Help Me" in Morse code, but that's not important now....

Dylan Dethier captures the bizarre scene in the 17th fairway as Matt demands a safe space:
Kuchar’s tee shot on No. 17 wound up in the edge of a pitch mark that he (and later, a rules official) determined was not his own. But Kuchar called in PGA Tour rules official Robby Ware in an attempt to gain relief on the belief that his bouncing ball had actually created a second pitch mark overlapping with the original. Players are entitled to relief
from their own pitch mark, but not from that of another player. 
Ware brought in an NBC cameraman and even ran back the ball landing on instant replay, but was ultimately unmoved by Kuchar’s case. Kuchar called in a second opinion from another rules official, Stephen Cox. 
As Cox approached, he asked Kuchar to explain the ruling he was looking for. “I’m just saying, there’s potential that it broke new ground in making its secondary pitch,” Kuchar told the official. 
Cox was skeptical. “Matt—the ball came to rest right there, and we know that it’s not your pitch mark.” 
Kuchar persisted. “I’m saying, if you look at the film, it looks like it’s gone hard enough to break new ground.” 
But Cox held his ground. “Ultimately it’s already in a hole that’s made by someone else, and I’m not buying that on a secondary bounce we’re going to get you out of a pitch mark that’s been made by somebody else,” he said. 
Kuchar made a final appeal that he watch the film, but Cox was firm. 
“I don’t need to look at it Matt—honestly, trust me, the guys have already seen it on TV…let’s get it back in play. It’s in a pitch mark which has been made by another stroke. That’s the decision.” 
It wasn’t clear if Kuchar was joking when he paused for a minute and replied: “Could I ask for a third?”
Joking?  That's a good one....  They keep asking for another rules official, until they get the answer they desire.  

I'm not entirely sure how to interpret this, but Kooch's act might be reaching its sell-by date:


By the way, it's an actual word....  or something.  From the authoritative Urban Dictionary:
shithousery 
Chiefly British term for underhanded conduct or gamesmanship in a sport, with the intention of gaining an advantage. Typically refers to association football.
Our hero did try to walk it back:
After his round, Kuchar downplayed the incident, calling it a “confusing rule” and a tough break.
So, you're saying that this is not a story....  I've heard that bit somewhere before....

Next up is defending champion Bryson DeChambeau, who imagines auras of penumbras in the rulebook.  His marquee group, which included Tiger and Justin Rose, was put on the clock after a bad time on the Par-5 fifth.  he posits this as his defense:
“He came up to me and told me I had a bad time. And I was like, do you realize I was
deciding between laying up and going for it?” DeChambeau said. “And we’ve had struggles the past three holes in a row, hazards and making bogeys and all that. Was that not factored in? ‘Well, it’s just 40 seconds, it is what it is.’ Well, I don’t agree with that.” 
When playing approach shots, Tour regulations afford the first player in the group 50 seconds to play his shot while each subsequent player must hit in 40 seconds or less. DeChambeau’s group spent much of their second nine at least a hole behind the grouping of Jordan Spieth, Rory McIlroy and Justin Thomas ahead of them.
C'mon, Bryson,  we keep hearing how smart you are, and the rules are quite clear.  It's only when you're deciding whether to go at a Par-5, have had three bad holes in a row AND the dog ate your homework that you get extra time.  Can I put you in a service dog?

Because he just can't get over how terribly special he is:
DeChambeau’s mathematical approach has come under fire before, with Brooks Koepka calling slow play on Tour “kind of embarrassing” following DeChambeau’s detailed pre-shot routine en route to a victory in Dubai. DeChambeau is aware of his reputation, one that he believes is unjustified. 
“It’s a bit unfair when you’ve got someone that’s behind you, let’s say, and they’re slower, but they’re quicker through their process. I get up there in the middle of the fairway and I have to wait for them to go, and then I have only my 40 seconds, which is what I’m trying to do everything under,” he said. “People call me slow. I call myself quick with the stuff I do. … A lot of guys out here, they just see it and they hit it. And for me I don’t want to do that because I feel like there’s other variables I get hurt on.”
I get that he's special...  I'm just having trouble understanding those guys behind him that are slower, yet quicker.... And he has to wait for them to go, almost as if they're ahead of him, but he clearly indicated they were behind him....  It's all so awfully confusing.

Last up is one of our personal faves, the great Phil Mickelson.  You might think that in approaching his last best chance to win a U.S. Open and complete the career grand slam (I'm not over the moon at his chances next year at Winged Foot, but Pebble where he won earlier this years seems like it's teed up for him), that he might pull a Johnny Mercer and, yanno, Ac-cent-tchu-ate the Positive.

But you would be wrong, as Phil picks Jack's event to trash the USGA:
Earlier this week, Golf Digest ran a story from its June issue filled with anonymous player quotes critiquing the USGA. But you’d be hard-pressed to find among those anything harsher than what was said about golf’s governing body on Thursday. And one
of the game's biggest stars, Phil Mickelson, was happy to attach his name to this
opinion. 
Following Mickelson’s opening 70 at the Memorial, the six-time U.S. Open runner-up was asked about how the USGA sets up the golf courses for its biggest annual event. He did not hold back. 
“I’ve played, what, 29 U.S. Opens,” Mickelson told reporters at Muirfield Village. “One hundred percent of the time they have messed it up if it doesn’t rain. Rain is the governor. That’s the only governor they have. If they don’t have a governor, they don’t know how to control themselves.”
 Is that what made you go for the green from the woods on Winged Foot No. 18?  At least he's going into the event in a positive frame of mind....  this time, I'm hoping that Mike Davis will just DQ his sorry ass.

Get Woke, Go Broke - Yesterday I made an editorial decision to not blog the Hank Haney story, but today my hand has been forced.  Here's a news flash, people sometimes say things with which we disagree....Those things sometimes seem stupid as well, but the remedy is a polite argument to the contrary, as opposed to banishing the person from polite society.

Hank Haney said some quasi-stupid things about women's golf on his SiriusXM radio show:
Golf instructor and commentator Hank Haney was having a great old time on his
SiriusXM radio show Wednesday morning, ripping women’s golf, the game’s magnificent South Korean standouts and this week’s U.S. Women’s Open, the crown jewel of the women’s game. 
His racist, sexist, xenophobic behavior was on display for anyone who listens to him on PGA Tour Radio. 
Co-host Steve Johnson: “This week is the 74th U.S. Women’s Open, Hank.” 
Haney: “Oh it is? I’m gonna predict a Korean.” 
Johnson, laughing: “OK, that’s a pretty safe bet.” 
Haney: “I couldn’t name you six players on the LPGA Tour. Maybe I could. Well … I’d go with Lee. If I didn’t have to name a first name, I’d get a bunch of them right.” 
Johnson: “We’ve got six Lees.”
Let's agree that Hank should really know better...  You're daring the outrage mob, and sure enough:
Even After Apology, Haney Suspended From SiriusXM Show, Status Under Review
Have you ever heard of a Kinsey gaffe?  Named after political commentator Mike Kinsey:
A Kinsley gaffe occurs when a political gaffe reveals some truth that a politician did not intend to admit.[3][4] The term comes from journalist Michael Kinsley, who said, "A gaffe is when a politician tells the truth – some obvious truth he isn't supposed to say.
And yes, Hank is not supposed to call out the LPGA for the dominance of South Korean golfers, even though it presents the most profound marketing issue for that tour.  One doesn't have to go to the trouble of being a racist or misogynist to experience difficulty in keeping the girls straight....

After all, Mr. Johnson understated the problem above.  We don't just have six Lees, we have six Jeongeun Lees.  I know that, because the South Koreans have conveniently numbered them for us.

All the ladies and those piling on are accomplishing is to draw greater attention to this problem, to extend the news cycle.  Congrats, guys and girls, you've only succeeding in falling into hank's carefully constructed trap....

As if anyone cares, but at that link above Shack offers a spirited defense of Hank on the allegations of misogyny and racism.   All I know is that back in the day he was happy enough to work with a black guy.  What?  Cablinasian?  WTF is that?

Doing The Charleston - The gals are playing that Open at the interesting Country Club of Charleston, and amusing Hank is wrong thus far:
Mamiko Higa leads the charge 

Mamiko Higa primarily competes on LPGA of Japan Tour, where she has four wins on her resume. This is Higa’s first U.S. Women’s Open appearance, and she’s off to quite a start: six birdies and no bogeys in the first round. 
The last time a player won the U.S. Women’s Open in her first appearance was In Gee Chun in 2015 — so there is fairly recent precedent! 
Another fun fact about Higa: Last October, she married Ikioi Shota, a world-class sumo wrestler.
 That's so great, though he must be the sumo equivalent of a bantamweight....

It's a fluke, as she got out early in the calm conditions, but the course looked great.

Beth Ann Nichols has a fun piece on the ladies qualifying at precocious ages for this event, and I particularly liked this one:
Nelly Korda was 14 when she first qualified for the USWO. She tied for 64th at Sebonack Golf Club and said the experience not only motivated her to get out on the LPGA, but made her fall in love with the game even more. 
Her favorite moment from the week came when she knocked it to 4 feet on a drivable par 4. 
“It made like $20,000 to like a children’s hospital,” said Korda, “and I got asked what it felt like or what I was thinking over the shot, and I was 14, and I was just like, ‘You got to risk it for the biscuit.’ ”
And this:
How are the other big names playing? 
Seven-time major champion Inbee Park finished at one under par (70) on Thursday. She’s seeking her third U.S. Women’s Open title. 
Lexi Thomspon also shot one under par, which is five shots back of Higa’s lead.
World Nos. 2 and 3, Minjee Lee and Sung Hyun Park, are six shots back at even par. 
Jennifer Kupcho was also even par in her professional debut. 
Lydia Ko, World No. 1 Jinyoung Ko, Maria Fassi, Ariya Jutanugarn, Brooke Henderson and Amy Yang are seven shots back at one over par. 
Paula Creamer is two over par, and 14-year-old Alexa Pano shot four over par.
Anyone want to break the news to Jessica that Paula hasn't been a big name for about a decade now?  And how did all six Lees make out?

Have a great weekend and I'll see you on Monday.

Wait, on second thought, one last non-golf item to leave you smiling.  bad ceremonial first pitches are their own amusing art form.  But we have anew contender for best ever:
Just a little bit outside....
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