Tuesday Trifles

And trifle might actually overstate the importance of today's menu items....

On Kooch, Sergio and El Tucan - John Feinstein with a question on many minds:

Matt Kuchar: Mr. Nice Guy Or El Cheapo?

They're not necessarily mutually exclusive.... It's a warm profile of a man that seemingly knows how lucky he's been, traits not in evidence in the caddiegate story.

Here he makes a good case that he understands the error of his ways:

“When I heard that my grandmother was being forwarded stories about what a bad guy I had been,” Kuchar says, “I knew I had to rethink.” 

Kuchar talked to a number of friends he trusts—some in golf, some not. “I’ve always admired people who are willing to take the blame,” he says. “I realized I’d shied away from it, and that didn’t feel right. 

“What happened was, I won a golf tournament and made a lot of money. In a situation like that, you want both sides to win. David hadn’t won financially. I decided the thing to do was take the blame and make sure David won financially. As soon as I made that decision, I felt better. I knew it was the right thing to do.” 

Kuchar and Ortiz spent time together before the third round of the tournament in Mexico City, and Kuchar says the fan response he got during the tournament was overwhelmingly positive. Kuchar knows, though, that there will be some who don’t want to let it go. “I can’t say it’s over, it’s behind me,” he says. “I got all sorts of media requests to talk about it in Mexico, and I’m talking to you about it now. But at least now I feel like I did the right thing, even if it took me a while to get there.”

Let's hope that's the real Kooch....

The Tour Confidential panel was apparently convened 24 hours behind schedule, but they lead with that all-important Kooch-Sergio confrontation:

Kevin Kisner won the WGC-Dell Technologies Match Play, but in yet another case of a bizarre rules controversy hijacking a tournament, the most buzzed-about drama of the week revolved around a missed tap-in by Sergio Garcia. On the seventh hole of his Saturday match with Matt Kuchar, Garcia tried to scrape in a short putt that Kuchar admitted later he would have conceded. But Garcia acted so hastily that he hadn’t given Kuchar a chance to concede. That led Kuchar to call in a rules official, who informed the players that Kuchar could not concede the hole retroactively. The match went to the 18th hole, where Kuchar won 2 up. Afterward, Kuchar said that Garcia had suggested that Kuchar could have made things right by conceding another hole. Presumably the whole bit of awkwardness also would have/could have been avoided if Kuchar had in effect ignored the gaffe and proceeded to the eighth tee. Should Kuchar have felt obligated to make things right?

Guys, who'd you get to write the questions?  Faulkner?  I could have asked the same question in about three words....

Dylan Dethier: It’s tough knowing where to start with this one. Here’s a list of what should have happened: Garcia should have waited for Kuchar to give him the putt.

Kuchar, who may not have been watching very closely (to see how short the putt was, etc.) shouldn’t have raised the issue to a rules official. Once the deed was done, Sergio should have dropped the issue. Instead, he couldn’t let it go, because that’s just who he is. I think both would do it differently if given a mulligan, but it was a revealing moment. 

Sean Zak: Answer the question, Dethier! No, Kuchar should not have felt obligated to “make things right.” It’s an athletic competition, and his opponent made a stupid mistake. Perhaps, could Kuchar have ran in and yelled to Sergio, “IT’S GOOD!” Yeah, he probably could. But Sergio is the child here. He made the mistake. It begins and ends with him. 

Jeff Ritter: Agreed, Zak. This wasn’t gamesmanship from Kuchar. This happened in a flash. Kuchar may have been looking another direction, pondering his score, or his next shot or his upcoming lunch. Either way, it’s on Sergio to wait for Kooch to snap to attention and offer a concession before swiping at his ball. Garcia has played enough match-play to know that. To be honest, I’m surprised this has turned into the controversy it has.

As I recall, this very situation occurred in a women's amateur match a few years back, with the same exact result.  To the extent that Kooch was not properly positioned to watch Sergio or slightly distracted so that his concession was delayed slightly, that's a breach of etiquette (See Pettersen, Suzann).  But Sergio simply did not allow enough time to elapse for us to judge.

But you might enjoy this give and take:

Josh Sens: First El Tucan. Now El Tap-in. Under the rules, Kuchar did nothing wrong. It was a refereed match, and the ref, fulfilling his role, was there to ask if the putt had been conceded; Kuchar, answering honestly, said it hadn’t been. By the letter of the law, the stroke counts. But this wasn’t a great look for either player. Sergio came off as childish and tempestuous, and Kuchar, if you go by his own account of what transpired (“I said, Sergio, I didn’t say anything; I’m not sure how this works out”), came off as coy and passive-aggressive. I dunno. They say that golf reveals you for who you are. 

Zak: So does tipping 😉

I'm pretty sure that's the first emoticon to ever appear in a Tour Confidential....

Michael Bamberger: Time for Sergio to man-up. (Is that phrase still permitted?) He missed a putt that was not conceded. In everyday golf, even country-club golf, we’re going to break the rules and say the putt was good after the fact. In fact, I didn’t know until today that that you can’t actually do that. But at this level? Garcia rushed, Garcia missed, Garcia has only himself to blame. As for the murky claim that Garcia said that Kuchar should concede a subsequent hole, that makes absolutely no sense. I have to think something was lost in translation here.

And I'm equally sure that absolutely nothing was lost in translation.

Notwithstanding the pettiness of this incident, the gang devotes three full questions to it.  The second is easy for me to admit, as it deserves little more than a Hell, No!  But the third is interesting, and gets at the maddening nature of our game:

Garcia has become infamous for his mid-round tantrums. Admittedly it’s a hard to thing to quantify but how much do you suspect Garcia’s inability to temper his emotions has hurt him as a player?

Dethier: Sergio has always acted like the Golf Gods are targeting him specifically. But this is microcosmic of the sort of self-inflicted wounds he’s dealt himself. The very next hole, he missed another putt and was so enraged that he made a full-swing lash at the ball. You could see smoke coming out his ears. I’m not here to moralize; I’m not offended by him showing off his frustration. But yeah, it definitely seems to hold him back. 

Zak: Think about his One Shining Moment ™. When Sergio faced off on Sunday at the 2017 Masters, he had a very up-and-down round. He struggled in the middle of it, and got behind Rose. Did he curse the sky? No. He kept cool, and you know what? That might have been the most important (and overlooked) facet of his major victory. Deep breaths could do him some good.

Good answer, Sean, though the reality is a bit more complicated.  Likely there are days when he's able to control his emotions, and others when he can't.  

These answers hint at another side of Sergio:

Sens: It cuts both ways. The fire has felt like a big part of his Ryder Cup success. It’s when the passion mutates into self-pity that it hurts him. As long as we’re armchair psychologizing him, that seems a good way of assessing Sergio: team play makes him better because he’s forced to look beyond himself. 

Ritter: I don’t think Mopey Sergio has ever surfaced at a Ryder Cup. He’s all fire and fist pumps and positive energy, and look at his career record there. Now look at the majors. His Masters win was epic, but there’s a lot of meat on the bone from the prime of his career, and I’ll always believe that attitude played a huge part in it.

Bad Sergio shows up at Ryder Cups, just not until Sunday....

We do have a coda to the story, this most curious video of Kooch telling us this isn't a story....  Gee, where have I heard that before?   Watch it second time and focus on Sergio....Is it me, or is Sergio blinking his eyelids to send a message that he's being held hostage?

Put Me In Coach - I'm mostly trying to stay away from Masters content until next week, but this one piqued my interest:

Masters 2019: Does momentum really matter? What history says about Jordan Spieth's chances at Augusta National

Kinda feels like a category error, as I feel like Jordan is at a place where breaking 80 shouldn't be taken for granted.  In framing his piece, Joel Beall can't avoid that subject:

And right now, the man is in desperate need of home cookin'. 

While last season was, by Spieth's lofty standards, a disappointment, 2019 has been an

unmitigated disaster. He's finished inside the top 40 just once in nine events and missed the cut four times. That includes a quick exit at the WGC-Dell Match Play, where Spieth showed flashes of potential but struggled throughout Wednesday and Friday rounds. 

He's 213th in driving accuracy, 130th in approach, 175th in bogey avoidance and 166th in strokes gained. To find his name in the FedEx Cup standings, you'll need to scroll until you can scroll no more. Forget slump; Spieth's colder than a Scottish caddiemaster.

Interesting premise, and here's the conclusion:

Viewing this data through another prism, only two players came out of the woodwork to claim their share of immortality since 2003: Angel Cabrera (previous five tournaments: MC-MC-T32-T33-T13) and Trevor Immelman (MC-T40-T48-T65-MC). Schwartzel wasn't lighting the world on fire, although did begin 2011 with three consecutive top eights, including a win at the Sunshine Tour's Joburg Open. 

Spieth remains one of the Masters favorites at 20-1, and has one more chance to post a respectable showing at next week's Valero Texas Open. But if recent history is any indication, it may be too late for the Texan to right the ship for a second green jacket.

He's got two names that came from nowhere to win a Masters, for what it's worth.  All I can say is that the Jordan I saw in Florida and the Match Play wouldn't make the cut, and this is a very hard cut to miss.  And unless they'll be playing to a temporary 12th green short of the water.....

On Language - The ask very much the wrong question, but it does yield one heck of an answer from Mikey Bams:

With the match-play format taking center stage this week, fans were reminded that included in the recent revisions to Rules of Golf were some terminology changes. For example, players don’t “halve” a hole anymore, they “tie” it, and instead of inquiring about the “score” of a match, golfers should now ask about a match’s “status.” (The rules makers also dashed from the golfing lexicon the term “dormie.”) Your suggestions, please, for *other* golf terms that should be replaced or retired?

This actually would have been a good and fun follow-up after asking the obvious question of WTF are these guys thinking.

These shorter answers are pretty good:

Zak: All I know is some people [cough, cough Doug Ferguson] really hate the phrase double eagle used in place of Albatross. I don’t disagree with him, so perhaps we could get a distinct ruling from the USGA on that one. 

Sens: Mulligan. Just call it what is is: cheating. And to be clear, I cheat that way a lot. 

Dethier: “Grow the game.” Gah! Make it stop.

Sean, how about we call it a big eagle, per the Rickie turkey vulture commercial?

But this is the bit you need to read:

Bamberger: The rules are the rules but the rule book cannot dictate the language we use. I don’t care for “caddy” because as we all know its roots are French (cadet) and “caddie” just seems so much more Frenchy. I like “trap” over “bunker” but not always. I like “pin” over “flagstick.” I don’t like “hole location” or “green complex” and I despise “signature hole.” Also, I don’t care for “one-shotter” for a par-3, as it implies you should make an ace or whatever. Speaking of which, I don’t like caddies or hosts to tell me that, quote, “Hogan said this was his favorite par-3 in the world.” Please. I don’t like “cover.” It’s pretentious, 220 to cover. Caddie is not pretentious, it just honors “cadet.” Going back to the man, I don’t like “Mr. Hogan.” Hogan, or even Ben, is fine. I actually once heard a person criticize Tiger calling Hogan “Ben” and not Mr. Hogan. Please. There’s nothing wrong with “tie” but I’m sticking with “halved.” The use of the word “dormie,” also from the French, always leaves me feeling unsure of myself, so if it dies I will not sit shiva for it. A far better question for “What is his GHIN index?” is this: What can he shoot? I don’t like “4-par.” Par itself is becoming obsolete and will die a slow death in the next half-century, I believe, just as the niblick did. There will be no par and clubs will be stamped by loft. In don’t like “penalty area.” I like “hazard.” I like lake for any body of water, unless it is an ocean or a burn. The USGA does not have a representative on our copy desk. Thank god for that. I reserve the capital G version for more important occasions. I don’t like “patrons” at Augusta. They’re fans. The “practice tee” of course is a driving range for most of us. I don’t like “track” for a course. I don’t like “links-style.” I do like the question marks on John Huh’s golf bag. I do like downswing. Forward swing sounds absurd. Overseeding is really more seed so why don’t people just say that? The master of golf language is Trevino. He grew up on courses with barancas but I’ve never heard him use the word. When his ball was in one I’m sure he had a more descriptive word.

I'm pretty sure that the USGA doesn't have jurisdiction over Johnny Question Mark's golf bag.... But we'll agree to disagree on "tie'.  Like Mike, I used to have no problem with it to the extent that it came naturally from someones mind....  I have a very real problem with a USGA that thinks the way to "Grow our Game" is to dictate language that the dumbest millennial can understand.   Anybody that can't adapt to halve or all-square, is not welcome in my game.

Alan, The Director's Cut -  That's his own gag in introducing his second mailbag feature of the week.  Lucky us, shall we start with the header?

If Patrick Reed embarks on a swing rebuilding and doesn’t qualify for the

Presidents Cup, does Tiger make him a captain’s pick? #AskAlan -Clay (@FlintHaven) 

I’m quite sure that Tiger, Steve Stricker, Jordan Spieth and sundry others are hoping that Reed goes for a 5-year rebuilding project. Given that there are now two swing coaches on Reed’s payroll, this might actually happen.

What if he just sucks all year?  Like Alan, I would assume that Jordan and Tiger are hoping that Patrick takes himself out of contention....  though why, at this point, would be assume that Jordan will be on the team?

#AskAlan I contend that Mike Davis, through arrogance and horrible course decisions (Erin Hills, Chambers Bay) has made the U.S. Open the worst of the four majors, with the PGA Championship shooting past it. Am I alone on this? -Paul (@BillsMafia3233) 

It’s interesting how wants and desires evolve. If you talk to old-timers, the major most coveted by Americans was the U.S. Open and, among international players, the Open Championship was their ideal. Nowadays, pretty much every players’ first choice would be the Masters, a testament to how well Augusta National has marketed itself and the power of iconic victories by living legends Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson. No question the U.S. Open has been devalued by a generation of USGA screwups but I still think it has more cachet than the PGA. Our national championship simply has a richer history, stronger venues and fewer fluky winners. Hopefully the USGA can start making things right and return some polish to what used to be golf’s crown jewel.

When the history of the Mike Davis era is written, I have to believe that those two venues will barely warrant a footnote, especially as they produced worthy champions.  On the threshold issue of the day, distance, they're MIA, yet they managed to make a mockery of iconic Shinnecock twice in a row....  Good work.

This is kind of interesting:

Will you rank your top-ten active golfers (under age 50) in terms of their overall career achievements at this point in time?#AskAlan -Grant (@SwishmastaWest) 

1. Tiger

2. Phil

3. Ernie

4. Rory

5. Padraig

6. Jordan

7. Brooks

8. Dustin

9. M. Kaymer

10. Angel Cabrera

Looks to me like all he did was put them in descending order of major wins, with DJ the sole exception at first glance... Obviously you have the issue of some of these guys having almost their full careers ahead of them, as compared to guys like Paddy and Angel that it's a stretch to call active.

It's not a great mailbag in either Q's or A's, so I'll leave you to read it on your own.

On Shack - I didn't have time to address it yesterday, but for years Geoff has been investing considerable time into his April Fool's Day posts, so shall we subject them to righteous Fisking?  I thought you'd see it my way....

Justine Reed Plans To Be First Wife To Attend Champions Dinner, Asks Guy Fieri To Help In The Kitchen

After successfully convincing instructor David Leadbetter to help with her husband’s game without Patrick Reed’s knowledge, Justine Reed is pulling out all the stops as her man prepares his Augusta National return. She has enlisted celebrity chef Guy Fieri to take over Champion’s Dinner preparations just two weeks shy of the annual Tuesday gathering where her husband is this 2019’s host.

Via text, Mrs. Reed confirmed the news.

“Guy and I chatted at length about the menu and we are pleased to welcome him to the team,” Justine Reed said. “He is going to ensure that Patrick stays on his current diet while all of the former champions get something better than what the club wanted Patrick to serve.”

Justine also confirmed her intention to be the first spouse to attend the Champion’s Dinner. While Patrick is not yet aware of his wife’s plan just as he was not aware of the Leadbetter outreach, Justine confirmed her plan to this decision out on their shared wavelength sometime Monday night of tournament week.

GRADE: B- While Geoff racked up some valuable points for topicality, with the reference to their shared wavelength the best bit by far.  But it seems that he left comedy gold on the cutting room floor in not further fleshing out their creepy marriage.  The post is excessively reliant on the photo, and it's juxtaposition to the staid environment at Augusta National.

Next up, Shack informs of collusion at the highest reaches of our government:

Source: Mueller Report’s Mid-April Release Designed To Avoid The Masters

William Barr informed lawmakers last week of plans to release a redacted Special Counsel report on Russian interference by mid-April.

Left out of the Attorney General’s letter, according to senior-level Justice Department sources: Barr is waiting for the Masters to conclude before sharing the redacted Mueller report with the public. 

“The AG knows the President doesn’t want his executive time interrupted,” said one official who spoke on the condition of anonymity. “The President is planning to watch a lot of the Masters. So no report until April 15 at the earliest.” 

The Attorney General wrote last week to Congress explaining why he could not meet an April 2 deadline set by the judiciary committee. 

“Everyone will soon be able to read it,” Mr. Barr wrote. Yet he did not elaborate on what sources say was the primary reason for delay: the 2019 Masters.

GRADE: D - Huh?  Nothing to do with John, just wondering what Geoff saw here that the rest of us missed.  It's topical, though that seems awfully forced, especially when he himself notes that the gag is a cheap knock-off of Wag the Dog:

An Augusta National spokesman declined comment when asked if the club influenced the decision. However, several longtime members are reportedly still bothered by the distraction caused when U.S. troops took Baghdad in 2003 and felled Saddam Hussein’s statue as Chairman Hootie Johnson was giving his annual State Of The Masters press conference. 

“That was just not well orchestrated by the generals,” said an Augusta National source. “The last thing America needs to be doing tournament week is reading the Mueller Report when we could be watching The Masters.”

Sorry Geoff, but you're better than that.

Next up is an exciting opportunity:

USGA Advertises For Player Relations Officer To Work Between Staff And Executive Committee

This smells a little inside baseball, but whatcha got, Geoff:

Buoyed by goodwill over the expansion of their players relations staff to communicate between the USGA and professional golf tours, the USGA is looking for a “Jason Gore-like” person. The goal is to improve communications between the Far Hills-based staff and the organization’s 16-person Executive Committee. 

Sources at ziprecruiter.com first spotted the job posting and shared with GeoffShackelford.com.

FROM THE MONEY-LOSING USGA HANDICAP SYSTEM TO THE ANNUAL CASH-COW THAT IS THE U.S. OPEN, TO MODERNIZING THE GAME’S RULES TO A TOTALLY UNAPPRECIATIVE AUDIENCE OF SPOILED GOLFERS, WHILE SUPPORTING SUSTAINABLE GOLF COURSE MANAGEMENT PRACTICES 51 WEEKS A YEAR, THE UNITED STATES GOLF ASSOCIATION PROMOTES THE HEALTH OF A GAME THAT INSPIRES, CHALLENGES, AND REWARDS LIKE NOTHING ELSE CAN. MOST OF THE TIME. IF YOU HAVE THE LEISURE TIME AND DISPOSABLE INCOME. 

ARE YOU LOOKING TO JOIN A DYNAMIC TEAM THAT MEETS AS MUCH AS EIGHT TIMES IN A DAY TO PROMOTE AND PROTECT THE CONSERVATIVE SPIRIT OF GOLF?

The all-caps faux press release is a nice touch, as was this warning to applicants:

• NO PRIOR EXPERIENCE IN THE GOLF INDUSTRY NECESSARY BUT IF YOU DO PLAY GOLF, DO NOT EXPECT TO GET INTO SOMERSET HILLS UNTIL THE NEXT GREAT RECESSION.

That should deter the riffraff....

 GRADE: B - It certainly has its moments, but not a single reference to the distance debate, rules screw-ups and Open set-ups.  We get that it's a bunch of rich white guys, but not even a single whire privilege reference....

Shall we give him one last chance?

Sergio Garcia To Be First Masters Champions To Receive A Dedicated Walking Official

Beset by regular run-ins with the rules of golf and etiquette, Masters Chairman Fred Ridley has enlisted a retired USGA official to serve as Sergio Garcia’s personal walking rules official for next week’s Masters. 

“We have such a strong affinity for our Champions and want to make sure that Sergio Garcia feels welcome both on the course and off,” Chairman Ridley said in a statement. “Keeping in line with the vision of our founders, it is essential we make sure that Sergio has the best possible experience at the 2019 Masters.” 

The decision to enlist a personal rules valet is a big one given Augusta National’s preference for only seeing players and caddies inside the ropes. Normally rulings are administered by officials roving throughout the course after a player calls them in to assess a situation. 

The call was made by Chairman Ridley soon after Garcia’s disqualification at the European Tour’s Saudi Arabia stop for damaging greens. Augusta National reportedly considered appointing a second dedicated official after Saturday’s Dell Match Play dust-up when Garcia raked a putt away before Matt Kuchar could concede the tap-in.

Several Twitter users have posted photos of former USGA director of rules and competitions Tom Meeks preparing at a local Indianapolis library, where he was seen reading Clifford Roberts’ Story Of Augusta National Golf Club, Emily Post’s Etiquette in Society, in Business, in Politics, and at Home, and the Richmond County civil code.

The Forecaddie reports that Meeks has told friends he will be trailing Garcia both on and off the course, also ensuring the 2017 Champion does not violate any of Augusta National’s many house rules or even the Augusta, Georgia speed limits.

GRADE: B-  - OK, the Tom Meeks reference almost saves this one, but I fear that goes over the head of most folks.  But how does one lampoon Sergio without reference to Peak Sergio, when he spit in the cup and hid behind the "Nothing but net" defense?

As you've no doubt noticed, we do not grade on the curve at this venue.  Not Geoff's best April Fools Day, though we do appreciate the effort.