Thursday Threads

Purely by coincidence, I'm sure, but Shack's quote this morning might be the single best thing ever written about Riviera's iconic 10th hole:

This is a shameless little harlot that just sits there at the end of the bar in her mesh stockings and miniskirt and winks at you. It’s only a little over 300 yards long and looks as driveable as the 405 Freeway. Don’t go for it. Take your four-iron and hit it safely and sensibly left. 

JIM MURRAY on Riviera’s 10th

We also say that a movie like Blazing Saddles couldn't be made today.  But I'm not sure that a Jim Murray or Dan Jenkins would have a career today.  I'm sure you immediately saw the problem, assuming that the golf hole identifies as a cis-gendered female....

You're Not Helping Yourself - Matt Kuchar is caught violating the first rule of holes:

PACIFIC PALISADES, Calif. — Matt Kuchar, in an interview with GOLF.com Wednesday evening, said he is “disappointed” and “sad” that his $5,000 payment of his Mexican caddie, David “El Tucan” Ortiz, after winning $1.3 million last November in

the Mayakoba Golf Classic, has led to such hurt feelings about what had been such a joyful, storybook win. 

“I kind of think someone got in his ear,” Kuchar said. “I was very clear and very upfront on Tuesday [of the tournament week]. And he said, ‘OK.’ He had the ability, with bonuses, to make up to $4,000.” 

Kuchar said he told Ortiz he would pay him $1,000 if he missed the cut, $2,000 if he made the cut, $3,000 if he had a top-20 and $4,000 if he had a top-10. “The extra $1,000 was, ‘Thank you — it was a great week.’ Those were the terms. He was in agreement with those terms. That’s where I struggle. I don’t know what happened. Someone must have said, ‘You need much more.’” 

Ortiz described his pay as $3,000 for the week, with the $2,000 as a down payment on whatever his bonus turned out to be.

Then why'd you offer him $15K more?  But you think that's tone deaf?  How about this bit?

Kuchar described a local caddie he had in Mexico City some years ago named Santiago and how he has dinner with him whenever he returns to Mexico City. “I had hoped to have that same kind of relationship with David,” Kuchar said, “but it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen.”

Matt seems clueless as to how the rest of us react to this, so I have a suggestion.  Since you're headed to Mexico City Sunday night, Matt, why don't you ask Santiago what he would expect if you had won with him on the bag for the first time in four years....

As for my question above, you'll be shocked to learn that it's all Steiny's fault:

Kuchar seemed slightly embarrassed that the additional sum had been offered, as he felt his financial obligation to Ortiz was complete. Asked how it came to be that the additional sum was offered, Kuchar said, “That was the agency.” He was referring to Excel Sports Management, which represents him. Kuchar’s agent there is Mark Steinberg, who also represents Tiger Woods and Justin Rose. 

Kuchar was asked who would actually pay the money. 

Kuchar smiled and said, “It’s not coming out of Steinberg’s pocket.” In other words, Kuchar would be paying. He said the additional proffered payment was Steinberg’s effort at damage control.

There's a body of thought, mine specifically, that the crappiest part of Matt's treatment of El Tucan was making him deal with Steiny, whose people skills are comparable to those of Attila the Hun.

Matt is correct that Ortiz has had somebody, probably many, get in his ear....  But why did that happen?  Because Kooch couldn't understand that $5K is comically cheap for a win after 40 4 years in the desert.  There's no magic number, but that $15K would likely have been gratefully accepted had Matt not tried to get off so cheaply.

Matt needs to pay the man his $50K or, failing that, I'd suggest he skip Mayakoba in future years.  I don't think he'll find that warm welcome that he's received form the locals in prior years....

Also Not Helping - Sergio, of course....  he adds this to his non-apology apology:

“I received some very emotional, personal news earlier that week that didn’t help. It was

in the back of my mind. As I became frustrated on the course everything erupted,” 

Garcia told Golf Channel’s Todd Lewis on Wednesday ahead of the Genesis Open. 

Garcia didn’t go into detail about the personal news but said he spent last week reflecting on his behavior at the European Tour event, where he damaged several greens and was disqualified for what officials deemed “serious misconduct.” 

“It was a mix of some emotional and personal things going on and a little frustration with the greens,” said Garcia, who also issued an apology on Tuesday via social media.

Well sure, that changes...well, nothing, approximately.  Maybe you shouldn't have played, but of course the appearance fee check had already cleared.

Those are the standards of a professional, and he failed miserably...  And not remotely for the first time.

Let's segue into Shippy's mailbag for a couple on this topic:

What is going to be the most brutal welcome that Sergio Garcia gets this year on the PGA Tour? Can’t wait for him to tee it up at Bethpage. -@KellerGreg 

That was always going to be an interesting week, given his tortured history with Noo Yawkers. The fans at the Players can be brutal, and that’s coming fast, while the greens in Saudi Arabia are still healing. If Sergio can weather that week, he should be fine for the rest of the year. But if he starts barking back, it’s going to be a long, challenging season for him.

I've long been worried about the Ryder Cup at Bethpage, but I'm thinking that Sergio might want to take that week in May off to spend more time with his family.

This is good as well:

Following his recent temper tantrum do you think Sergio will be treated any differently by the PGA players in the locker room this week in LA? What do you think would have been an appropriate punishment? Is a 3-6 month worldwide ban over the top? #AskAlan -Brian (@bcunningham0) 

The players long ago decided whether or not they like Sergio, so I don’t think this latest episode will change too many hearts and minds, just as his recent apology on Instagram won’t sway too much public sentiment. He is who he is. The problem with a suspension is that there is not one global authority to enforce it. Keith Pelley’s reaction was so neutered because if he suspended Sergio for three or six months – which would definitely have been appropriate – one of his most important stars would just set up shop on the PGA Tour. Meanwhile, Jay Monahan has no interest in sanctioning a player who misbehaved on a rival tour half a world away. So, Sergio skates.

That's both spot on and irrelevant in my mind.  Even more so as the incident no doubt preceded the portion of the calendar when Sergio was headed stateside....  But still, I would argue that the calendar actually made it easier for Pelley to do the right thing, rendering his failure to do so more damning.

Phil Being Phil -  First up, it's not just Bryson applying science to or game:

While Phil Mickelson was touting a resurgence in his clubhead speed as one of his keys to his victory at the AT&T Pebble Beach Pro-Am, there may be another less overt 

Anyone know what that is on his hand?

element to his newfound fountain of youth. The three lines on his golf ball might be making his eyes work better. 

It’s the kind of scientific explanation Mickelson might have invented if in fact it weren’t actual science. Which, as it turns out, it is. 

The lines, what Mickelson’s equipment manufacturer Callaway calls “Triple Track Technology,” are an example of vernier acuity, according to Carl Bassi, a Ph.D. professor at the University of Missouri-St. Louis College of Optometry. In the simplest terms, vernier acuity refers to the ability of the brain to process subtle differences in alignment detected in the eyes. By having the right kind of multiple reference points (like a center line flanked by two parallel lines), the brain perceives the straightness of aim better. It’s a technology used in gun sights and the landing strips on aircraft carriers.

Lots of geeky stuff at the link, but what's the over-under on how many lines Bryson has on his ball this week?  I mean, this is his turf...

Also, he sees no need to hit the First Coast in March:

Like many players, Mickelson is still in the midst of evaluating his spring scheduling options amid a revamped calendar that now includes The Players Championship in mid-

March. He told GolfChannel.com that, despite winning at TPC Sawgrass in 2007, he doesn’t feel obligated to return next month for another shot at the Stadium Course. 

“It’s not one I feel like I have to play,” Mickelson said. “It’s not a must-play for me because I’m 48 and I’ve played it 25 times and I’ve already won it. If I were young and early in my career, I would say yes because I think it’s as close to a major as it can get. But it’s not the best course for me.”

You'd think he'd show just to see how the fans treat Sergio....  I get the Torrey Pines thing, especially since he's hated the place ever since the Reesdesign....  I don't actually see why Sawgrass would be so bad for him, but as usual I'll defer to his far greater intellect.  Also, I agree that he should be able to get out of a DJ headlock, and suggest we reenact it with cameras rolling.

Shippy had a couple of Phil queries as well:

Alan, what does Phil do when he turns 50 – continue tilting at windmills on the PGA Tour going after 50 wins, head to the PGA Champions, or try to split between both? -Kit (@Dunk2604) 

I’ve asked Phil about this and he has zero interest in the Senior tour. He’s been beating those guys his whole life, so what’s the fun in doing it again? He’s an adrenaline junkie and loves the crowds and competition on the PGA Tour. Maybe when he gets to his mid-50s and starts losing speed he’ll reconsider but 16 months from now, when Phil turns 50, I wouldn’t expect any changes to his schedule.

Tilting at windmills?  The man just won for the second time in twelve months, it seems a strange time to accuse him of pulling a Vijay....

Is Phil your pick for the U.S. Open off this victory? -@Thomas_Laffont 

There is sooo much golf to be played between now and then, I don’t think we can anoint

him as the prohibitive favorite just yet, but certainly Mickelson will be on the short list come June. But a firm, fiery Pebble will be a completely different course then. 

Mickelson prevailed at the Clambake in part because of his hyper-aggressive play during the final round. That 3-wood he smashed off the 4th tee to set up a crucial birdie becomes a too high-risk shot when the fairways are firm and fast. His hooked drive on 10 would’ve bounded onto the beach rather than safely plug on the edge of the fairway. 

The flipside is that Pebble will play so short in June the key will not be tee shots but rather the approaches into those tiny greens, and Phil’s iron game remains preeminent. It’s certainly going to be fascinating to see how he navigates his way around a course that offers the best, and perhaps final, chance for him to break his Open curse.

I agree that this is his best chance, but can you imagine the pressure?  Because he knows it's his last best chance as well....  But Pebble was soft last week, one assumes it will be firmer in June, and add in some wind as well.  

And this:

Phil’s going to make the Presidents Cup team, isn’t he? #AskAlan -@DavidAStorm 

Of course he is! In less than a calendar year he has won two marquee events. You think there are a dozen Americans who are better than him? Also, you just know that Cap. Woods is dying to boss him around.

Careful, Tiger, we've seen Phil go to the shiv when a Captain displeases him....

Taking One For the Team -  Adam Scott seems like a good guy, no?  Trust me, you'll love him even more after you read this:

Adam Scott said he recently told the PGA Tour’s chief of tournaments and competitions Andy Pazder that he’d be willing to take a penalty in order to get guys to speed up, the

theory being that the tour would show that it was serious about pace of play and enforcing a penalty that is rarely enforced. 

“Make me the victim,” the 2013 Masters champion and 13-time PGA Tour winner said. “I’ll take the penalty. The only way it’s going to work is if you enforce it.”

An idea so crazy it might just work.... Nah, must be the liquor talking....

More Alan - I've got to run, so we'll use Shippy as filler:

What does it take to get into the Pebble Beach Pro-Am?

-Detlef (@Dschrempf) 

Relationships. Yes, you also need to be able cough up the $25K entry fee, but there are plenty of rich dudes out there. The guys who get invited are pals with the Tour pros, or friends of the Pebble Beach golf community, or members in good standing at the private clubs where the ruling class gather. If you were, say, a retired NBA star with a lot of money in the bank and a love of golf, you should kick down the $10K or so it takes to play in the Senior event at Pebble Beach every September, where spots are always available. That’s a feeder system for the Pro-Am, a chance to get to know the local kingmakers and have your game and temperament vetted. (It’s also a really fun week!)

Detlef, is that you?  As for me, I still prefer the Dunhill Links...

I can think of at least 25 U.S. tracks ranked lower than Pebble where I would rather see a PGA Tour event played. Put Pebble’s layout in Iowa, thus removing the ocean, and you have, at best, a Web.com venue. Agree? #AskAlan -@RyderHouck 

One on hand, this is utterly nonsensical – how could you have the 8th hole in land-locked Iowa? But I understand the point you’re trying to make. There are a ton of dogleg-left cape holes that evoke Pebble’s 18, but if you’re playing around a marsh, or a man-made lake, it just ain’t the same. During tournament week I did have discussion with a course wonk in which we agreed there should be a separate ranking for seaside courses because the ocean adds so much to the experience, aesthetically and for heroic shot values. But the fact is the Pacific is an inextricable part of the Pebble Beach experience. Until the course is swallowed up by the rising seas we sure as heck ain’t playing the Clambake in Iowa.

And yet we still willing fork over our $500 large.... 

Better 2019: Phil or Tiger? -Bobby (@CU_TrialLawyer) 

Man, from all the citizen-journalist video I’ve seen on Twitter, Tiger has been swinging so well in the practice rounds at Riv. But Phil already has a first and a second, which is a substantial head start. Of course, the majors will define 2019 for both of these aging warriors. Woods made two strong runs last year, while Phil never factored. It’s pretty much a toss-up, but I’m thinking Tiger will be a more consistent contender when it really matters.

Too early I agree, though we must admit how surprised we are by Phil's strong start.....

#AskAlan Is Zach Johnson a surprise Presidents Cup assistant captain pick? I would never have guessed Tiger and Zach were tight. -@rjlafleur 

Not a surprise in this post-Task Force era, when continuity is the key buzzword for the American leadership. Zach is clearly being groomed to be a future captain, so he will be a fixture in the team room at every Cup until he gets his turn. And Tiger has always respected Johnson as a guy who maximized the talent he was given. When you beat Woods head-to-head in his prime at Augusta – as Zach did in 2007 – that lingers.

Agreed, though isn't the more significant moment when Zach holed out to steal the Hero from the host?  Not as significant, but it was quite the shock. 

If you had to pick one: Casey or Fowler to close out a 54-hole lead? -@WLSpence

I’ll take the field, thanks.

I'm as amused as most, though again with the strange timing, given that Rickie just got it done.  As for Casey, hes' the Chucky Three-Sticks of his day.... 

There's more at that link above.... Try not to miss me too much until tomorrow.