Bizarro World - The Press Conferences

It was the perfect storm of pressers....first Tiger then Allenby.  We'll take them in reverse order, though I must first lament the absence of transcripts.as the Aussie's is a cry for help fully warranting a line-by-line Fisking.  Oh well, what might have been...

From John Strege's account at The Loop:

SCOTTSDALE, Ariz. -- Robert Allenby defiantly stuck to his story on Tuesday while blaming the media for creating and sustaining a controversy from his night on the town

in Honolulu on Jan. 16.

“There has definitely been a lot of confusion,” he said, while still showing signs of the cuts and bruises he suffered on the night in question. “But I think the number one thing that you should remember is that my story stays exactly the same as the way I told it. I told you what I knew and what someone told me. That’s the bottom line. 

“From that, obviously the media have decided that they’re the most amazing experts at investigations. There is a reason why detectives in Honolulu are some of the best in the world. I’d really appreciate it if we’d just let them do their job and maybe we could get to the bottom of it.”

All righty then....basically there were three points that Allenby wanted to make (after a cold open in which he told the press that it would be a short availability - were I his press flack I might have suggested opening with a joke):

1. It's all the media's fault;
2. There's an ongoing investigation; and
3. I have kids, you know.

Shockingly these didn't carry the day with his audience.  Oh, and he called himself a victim about a billion times...yanno, in case someone in the back missed it.

Allergens story included a drugging, kidnapping, beating and robbery and that he was left at a park six miles from the wine bar at which he had been drinking. He also has said that he has no recollection of what happened between “about 11:06 [p.m.] to about 1:27 a.m., no memory in my brain. Nothing.” 

The story doesn't jibe with that has been told by others who have claimed to have witnessed some of it.

If you'll recall, the initial reports of the abduction and coming back to consciousness 6 1/2 miles from the wine bar, the sourcing of those details to Charade (pronounced Sha-ROD per Rex Hoggard) was never made clear.  That in itself is not troubling as initial accounts of traumatic events are often inaccurate, especially when the source is, what's that word, oh yes, the victim.

But what is definitively troubling is that Charade denies telling our hero that wonderful tale, because she saw something completely different.  And upon being contradicted, you'll no doubt also remember that Bobby's instinctive reaction was that someone must have paid her off.  It was only when that didn't fly that he made up with her and paid her off himself.

Strege omits the single best sound bite of the day, probably trying to cut the guy a break.  When asked what he's learned from the event, he responded "That I don't have a single friend in the media."  Well, boo-friggin'-hoo Robby, as the old saying goes, if you want a friend, get a dog.  The reality is that he likely doesn't have a friend in the golf media, but I wonder why that might be... I'm just spitballin' here, but could it maybe....er perhaps, be because you're about the biggest dick on Tour?  Just askin'?

Theresa watched the start of the presser with me, but got up to leave a few minutes before it ended.  I asked her to stay and when it ended asked her opinion.  Her succinct summary: "He's hiding something."  

The Tiger presser was optically far better, as Tiger seemed relaxed and even smiled a few times.  Alas, as Shack and others make clear, the tooth story is still way off in never-neverland.  

Bob Harig has the story from Tiger:

"That didn't feel very good," said Woods, who had traveled unannounced to watch Vonn set a record for victories. "I was looking down, and all the camera guys are below me on their knees or moving all around, trying to get a picture because she's hugging people, saying congratulations to the other racers as they are coming down. Some already finished, some are there already in the changing area. 

"Dude with a video camera on his shoulder, right in front of me, kneeling, stood up and turned and caught me square on the mouth. He chipped that one, cracked the other one. 

"And so then, you know, I'm trying to keep this thing so the blood is not all over the place, and luckily he hit the one I had the root canal on. That's the one that chipped. But the other one had to be fixed, as well, because it had cracks all through it."

OK, but there wasn't any blood and no one saw or heard anything.  But lots of good puns...such as this from Charles Curtis:

"Tiger Woods says he's telling the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but ... okay, you get it."

Bet he's been saving that one up for a week...Wondering about the choice of facemask?  Turns out that Tiger has surprisingly highbrow tastes for his X-Box.

Hmmmm...they make a separate edition for blacks?  That's gotta be racist, no?  The Daily News summed it up thusly:

But witnesses to the awards ceremony noted that Woods was not present for the ceremony, spending the interlude in a tent near the finish line of the course, secluded from the photographers who had already noted his presence. So far no videographer has stepped forward to shed light on the alleged incident, and photographs of Woods taken at the event don't appear to show any swelling, bleeding or even discomfort on the face of the 39-year-old golfer.

Who ya gonna believe, me or your lyin' eyes?  Most of the reporting passed on the storytelling Tiger, and he was in fine form.  As relates to the boulder loose impediment moved by gallery members, Tiger indicated that they pushed it in the wrong direction.  Of course he's far too nice a guy to correct them, and because of that he had to start his shot to the right and it ended in the right bunker.

He also showed a heightened level of tact.  When asked about the Allenby story he wisely begged off with the excuse that he hadn't followed it.  We're not buying, but we do acknowledge the wisdom in not taking that bait.

Lastly he indicated that part of his frustration was that the story should have been Lindsey setting the record....  Kick save and a beauty!.