Unplayable Lies: After The Deluge

Oh to be in Boston on Labor Day weekend? As an irrelevant aside, I remain unclear as to why the PGA Tour finishes the week before Labor Day... Seems an own-goal, no?

Our Cup Runneth Over - Poor Trevor Immelman, I'm quite sure he's done nothing to deserve this fate, but it's not going to be pretty.

Zephyr Melton goes where no man should, laying out what that International squad might look like at Quail Hollow:

Here's the easy part:

Automatic qualifiers

Hideki Matsuyama
Sungaje Im
Tom Kim
Corey Conners
Adam Scott
Mito Pereira

These six pros have already automatically qualified and will suit up for the International side at Quail Hollow — and it’s a group with plenty of talent. Matsuyama and Scott are former major champs with past Presidents Cup experience, while Im (also a former Presidents Cupper) and Conners are two of the best ball strikers in the game. Add in the high upside of Pereira and Kim and you’ve got a solid top six in the lineup.

The good news is that I've heard of each and every one of those guys. And, in case you missed it, there's amusement to be found in the background of that photo...

The website for the event is a bi schizophrenically at the moment. That 404 error I had the other day is still there, though I also found a page that shows the six automatic qualifiers as noted above. But this page hasn't been updated, still touting this guys as non-radioactive (though that might change before you have a chance to click through):

INTERNATIONAL TEAM

NO. 1 – CAMERON SMITH

Country: Australia
Age: 29
PGA TOUR Wins: 6
Presidents Cup: 1 (2019) / 1-1-1 record

2021-22 Highlights: Three wins, including the Sentry Tournament of Champions, PLAYERS Championship and The Open Championship. Entered the week at the BMW Championship ranked No. 3 in the FedExCup before withdrawing due to a hip injury.

Niemann, as well.

As for the rest of the squad? If you can walk and chew gum....

Chalk

K.H. Lee
Sebastian Muñoz
Adam Hadwin
Ryan Fox
Mackenzie Hughes
Christiaan Bezuidenhout

These six are the “safest” picks Immelman can make. This group consists of the next six in the Presidents Cup standings, excluding LIV players and Erik van Rooyen, who’s been injured since July. Filling out the team with these six would certainly be the easiest thing to do, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it would field the strongest team. While some on this list are sure to be picked, don’t count on all of them making the team.

Warning noted, but if not them, who?

Experience

Jason Day
Si Woo Kim
Haotong Li
Jhonattan Vegas
Emiliano Grillo
C.T. Pan

These six haven’t played their best golf this season, but they have one thing that few others up for consideration do: experience. Each of these six has appeared on a Presidents Cup team in the past, so they know what it takes to compete in a hostile team-golf environment. In normal times, these players wouldn’t sniff consideration for a captain’s pick, but if Immelman wants to stack his team with experience, these are his best options.

Counter-intuitively, this could prove to be a difficult week for the American team and Captain Love (remind me again of why our vaunted task force has chosen a captain from the retired list?) They will be expected to romp easily, yet eighteen holes of match play is barely more predictable (i.e., less chalky) than a coin toss.

At this late juncture, Jay has no choice but to play out the string, but it promises to be a difficult week. no one will want to be there, and the American players will be in a classic no-win situation. I don't even know what a happy ending looks like in such circumstances, but we can console ourselves with the thought that the Ryder Cup might prove to be just as big a mismatch.

Will I see You In September? - At lunch yesterday, Bobby D. asked me when the PGA Tour would be back, and I had to admit that I wasn't 100% sure. I speculated that they would have no choice but to see the zombie-apocalypse portion of the their schedule through, and that turns out to be the case. They'll be at Silverado the weekend after Labor Day, going head-to-head with a LIV event in Chicago at the dreadful Rich Harvest Farms.

This just has to be the Bataan Death March of golf events as, apologies to Coleridge, the Fall remains the albatross around Jay's neck. There is no rime (pun intended) or reason for the Tour to be in action then, yet Jay is not likely to cede any portion of his schedule given the Saudi threat. Which might be fine, had he not previously announced varying plans to undermine the sponsors of the vulnerable events.

The latest abrupt U-Turn is this:

On Wednesday, ESPN reported the Tour was delaying previously announced plans for a three-
event global series featuring the game’s best players competing for $25 million purses in order to focus its attention on its recently announced slate of 13 elevated tournaments. During his “State of the Tour” address ahead of last week’s season-ending Tour Championship, commissioner Jay Monahan rolled out a series of announcements that ranged from top players committing to 20 events starting next season to his firm stance on not allowing LIV Golf players to return to the Tour.

The three-event international series, announced Aug. 1 after Golfweek previously reported on the matter, was slated to feature limited fields that included the top 50 players in the FedEx Cup standings and no cuts. ESPN’s report stated the series may be staged in the future. With more elevated events added to the schedule, the Tour worried the global series may be too much for players who want more of an offseason break.

To restate a point, the announcement of these events was that they would be held in addition to the current slate of events, meaning that Jay intended to do to his sponsors that which LIV has attempted to do to Jay (i.e., skim off the elite talent). So, if you're Fortinet/Sanderson Farms/McGladrey, the good news is that your zombie event might actually happen. The bad news is that Jay is still scheming about ways to undermine your event, but he's comfortable admitting that he can't walk and chew gum at the same time.

One issue that your humble blogger has been harping on is the players' treatment of their sponsors, specifically DJ jumping to LIV's first event, which was held opposite his long-time sponsor RBC's marquee event in Canada, no doubt blatantly violating the terms of their contract. The flaw in such an argument is that the Tour is the leader in the clubhouse in f***ing sponsors, pretty much as soon as the ink dries on those contracts.

Boo Frickin' Hoo - Those defecting to LIV have shared some thoughts, some infusing trace elements of honesty. I'd say that Cam Smith's comments have at least yielded some nods of....understanding:

Reached on the phone by Golf Digest, Smith did not shy away from admitting LIV’s guaranteed-money offer was one of the reasons behind his choice to leave the PGA Tour, where he has won
six times. He did not disclose the value of his LIV deal when asked, although reports have pegged it at more than $100 million. “[Money] was definitely a factor in making that decision, I won’t ignore that or say that wasn’t a reason,” Smith said. “It was obviously a business decision for one and an offer I couldn’t ignore.”

But the mullet-wearing Smith, who has earned $27 million during his eight years on tour, insists money was not the biggest lure—rather the opportunity to spend up to three months a year in Australia. It is believed LIV Golf’s offseason will run from late October, when its last 2022 event in Miami is scheduled, until mid-February 2023.

“The biggest thing for me joining is [LIV’s] schedule is really appealing,” Smith said. “I’ll be able to spend more time at home in Australia and maybe have an event down there, as well. I haven’t been able to do that, and to get that part of my life back was really appealing.”

On the one hand, he at least acknowledged that the money was the driving factor, which I'll take over Phil's insistence that it was all about the shotgun starts.

But that said, aren't we the delicate one.... You fly private and can spend as much time in Oz as you want, so I'm thinking it's the money. But to me, here's where it gets weird< as Cam had this on wthe OWGR points:

“I hope that these World Ranking points will sort themselves out before my exemption is up. You know, I think to the fans of major championship golf, it may be a little bit unfair on them. I think majors is about having the best guys in the best field on the best golf courses.”

I had been reliably informed that hope is not a strategy, but apparently I stand corrected. I just really don't have the words to react to a player, in the prime of his career and having just notched his first slot in the history of the game, making a move that could bar his access to future majors (yes, I know he has an exemption, but we don't know what is coming down the pike from the Five Families).

I would further add that, even if his major access if not affected, his preparation will include nothing more than exhibitions and Pro-Ams.... Just a weird devaluing of his own career prospects for thirty pieces of silver.

Perhaps I could take Cam more seriously, if his countryman could have read from the script:

Marc Leishman: “There's many reasons why I decided to being a part of this tour: Three young kids at home; obviously to see them more. Yes, the money was a factor. Just to spend more time at home -- well, home being Virginia Beach and also in Australia. So there was a lot of factors for me. The majors was one of them that maybe was a little bit of a down point but like I said, hopefully things can sort itself out and I can get into those in the future.”

Remember when they held that match play event in Melbourne? It turns out that the international players all live in Orlando, as well as the Yanks. So, yeah, sign with LIV to spend more time in, checking notes, Virginia Beach. How do we know they're lying? Yup, the moving lips....

Then there's Bubba:

“Yeah, for me, it's a weird situation, being a Masters Champion. I sat my kids** down and I told them that their favorite tournament in the world is obviously Travelers Championship, so can't play there. But now, Augusta, right now, we can play in it, and I'm hoping, and praying, that they make the right decisions and past champions and people, we can all start playing.

“And so I told my kids** that there is a chance, there is a possibility, that we can't go to Augusta. And I told them, if they tell me that I can't go, being a past champion, then I don't want to be there anyway because that's just -- that's just the wrong way to look at it, it's the game of golf. We are all trying to be the best players.”

Call him the anti-Groucho, because he doesn't want to belong to a club that won't have him as a member. But, as a man of faith and the proud father of two adopted children.... well, Geoff has the tip-in:

Adoption is illegal in Saudi Arabia, so maybe leave kids home for Royal Greens week. I don’t think it’ll have Travelers or Masters vibes.

But I don't think we can do better than the formerly admirable Harold Three-Sticks. Talk about a motto to rally the troops around:

Harold Varner: “Yeah, you know, I'm okay with it. Like it is what it is. I can't hate on what situation I'm in or what situation I'm not in. I can only do what's best for me at the time from the experience I've had as a kid and I'm actually super proud [I] made a decision based off of what I believe in. I think it's very easy to get in a situation where you do what everyone else says you should do. Yeah, I think, I don't know, I just sat there. I think it's pretty bad when my wife is like, ‘Fuck everybody. Do what you want to do.’”

I doff my cap, because as marketing slogan, Fuck Everybody™ perfectly sums up their attitude and their actions.

As most of you know, I have little use for Gray Player, although I've had good fun and easy blogging thanks to his family. But he had these comments in a BBC interview:

“I wouldn’t take a billion dollars for my nine majors on both tours,” Player told BBC 5. “I worked hard. I had desire. I traveled the world. It was an education, I met wonderful people. How can you ever be a champion playing a tour with 54 holes and no cut?”

Why is this of interest? This is how the man in black looked at Augusta:

The Saudis don't seem to get much for their money. Of course, they do deal with dissenters in their own fashion, so should Gary be invited to the Saudi consulate in Istanbul....

Is PReed Playing the Korn Ferry Tour? - No, but he might want to take notes:

Would you believe a story from Korn Ferry Tour Q-school in which a pro with a purported 36 aces (eight of them on par-4s) supposedly holed-out on an approach shot from the rough that no one saw, lost a ball that was found hours later, got into a heated, hour-long meeting with rules official involving written testimony, rudimentary hole diagrams and a flock of turkeys, ultimately leading to the wildest disqualification in Q-school history?

Well, have I got a story for you.

Seriously? How is this guy even allowed in the field?

It was here that Matt Moroz, Andrew Ni and Grant Haefner teed off in the final round on Friday. All three were hovering around the cut line. Unbeknownst to Ni and Haefner, Nebraska PGA officials planned to keep a close eye on the group. (PGA of America sections run Q-school sites.) Allegations of suspicious behavior had been made against Moroz from the previous day. His playing partners in the second round had told officials that Moroz was often walking well ahead of the group. They said there were incidents on two holes where the players believed Moroz was in penalty areas, only to find his ball in good shape. For four holes during the final round, nothing unusual happened. Things changed on the 5th hole, a 375-yard par-4.

Moroz hit his tee shot down the left side, leaving an approach from the rough that required him to negotiate a tree. Haefner and Ni hit their drives in the fairway down the right side, about 10 yards longer than Moroz’s. Interviewed separately, Haefner and Ni said Moroz hit a low runner that they described as thin and bladed. Moroz called the shot a “Jay Bilas,” saying he turned to Andy Smith, his caddie, and said, “I skullfucked it.” Everyone expected the ball to stop short and left of the green. Haefner and Ni estimated it landed nearly 60 yards short. Smith said he believed the ball was five yards left, but he also thought the ball was skipping through the rough. “Because the rough was a little wet in spots, there was a potential of skippage,” Smith said later. “That’s the best I can explain it.”

There is a large mound in front of the 5th green so the players couldn’t see where the ball had settled. (The description of the hole on the Quarry Oaks website says, “It’s lots of fun getting to the green and seeing where your ball is.”) Moroz and Smith walked quickly down the fairway and reached the green before the other two players had hit their approach shots. As Haefner and Ni crested the hill, they were dismayed to see Moroz walking toward them, pumping his fists and yelling, “It’s in the hole!” Moroz approached Haefner and extended his closed hand for a fist pound; Haefner half-heartedly obliged, too stunned to ignore the gesture. Neither Haefner nor Ni saw Moroz retrieve his ball out of the hole. Both were playing in their first Q-school and weren’t sure what to say. Haefner reasoned with himself, “We have all seen crazy bounces in golf.” Haefner and Ni both recall Moroz saying something like: “Maybe it bounced off the turkeys.” It was a reference to a flock of turkeys that were loitering in the rough. Moroz denied saying that, adding, “Maybe my caddie, Andy, did it as a joke.”

But we're not done:

The 7th hole is a challenging uphill 458-yard par-4 with trouble down both sides. Because of the difficulty of the hole, the section assigned a spotter to help players look for errant drives and to assist with the already tortoise-like pace of play at Q-school. The spotter was about 300 yards down the fairway on the right-hand side. After Haefner hit the fairway, Ni found the left penalty area. Moroz, who is left-handed, then pulled his drive into the right penalty area, roughly 30 yards from where the spotter, who doubles as a rules official, was standing. The spotter stuck a red flag in the ground where Moroz’s ball had entered the hazard and headed across the fairway to look for Ni’s ball. Haefner, Ni, his caddie, the spotter and a rules official who had rolled up to the group began searching for Ni’s ball, which they found.

Moroz and Smith didn’t join the group for the search, walking over only after Ni had chipped out. Haefner hit his approach, and when the group arrived at the green, Moroz’s ball was on the fringe, just 15 feet from the hole. Haefner, having grown increasingly skeptical, asked Moroz what he was putting for. “Birdie,” he replied. The penalty area where Moroz’s tee shot had entered was thick and for the most part unplayable; in fact, Moroz called it “jungle.” He explained that Smith had found his ball just outside the penalty area, nearly 30 yards ahead (and around a corner of the wooded area) of where the ball entered. Clayton Kucera, an experienced caddie who was carrying for Ni, had seen enough. As Haefner and Ni were putting out, Kucera approached the rules official and explained what had happened. As the group left the green, the rules official returned to where Moroz’s drive had entered the penalty area.

But, gee, who coulda seen this coming?

After some discussion, Hearn, who has worked in rules on the Korn Ferry and PGA Tours and section events for more than 20 years, pulled a ball out of his pocket marked exactly like the one Moroz had played, with purple lines and the number 12 written on it. According to Haefner, Moroz denied it was his ball before acknowledging it was. Hearn explained the ball had been found on the 7th hole at precisely the spot where the official had placed the flag. Moroz quickly transitioned, saying although it was one of his balls, he had hit a ball there the previous day and two others during his practice round, reasoning it must have been a ball he never found from those rounds.

But, this was so egregious, that a follow-up was required: