Late-Week Lamentations

The weather is finally cooperating, so let's get this over with so we can send you to the great outdoors....

These Guys Are Good - To the untrained eye, Jordan Spieth's bit of bother at the twelfth hole Sunday might have looked like the inevitable result of using tools ill-suited to the purpose.  But for those of a more conspiratorial bent, it had all the makings of a classic Wall Street pump and dump:

Shares of sports apparel maker Under Armour dropped nearly 6 percent on Monday, one day after defending champion Jordan Spieth lost the Masters golf tournament in a shocking meltdown. 

Spieth last year signed a 10-year agreement to wear the No. 2 U.S. sportswear maker's golf shoes and other clothes, and his collapse in Sunday's final round appeared to be partly behind the drop in the company's shares.

Hmmmm...he gave up six shots in three holes and the next day the stock plummets 6%....  Coincidence?  I think not....

Now for those of you that didn't hear anything from the grassy knoll, no need to have your hearing checked....

One might be forgiven for associating the swoon in Under Armour's stock price Monday with golfer Jordan Spieth's epic collapse Sunday at the Masters, but they're not really related. 

While Under Armour's fortunes are tied somewhat to the world No. 1 golfer, who debuted a new line of golf shoes from the Baltimore sports apparel and shoe brand this spring, other news sent the company's stock down more than 5 percent. 

Morgan Stanley analyst Jay Sole, who follows Under Armour, reportedly issued a downbeat report this weekend that said he is worried about weakening demand for women's apparel and running shoes and affirmed his "underweight" rating on the company's stock. 

He called Under Armour's growth in running shoes "unsustainable" and, coupled with slowing sales to women, will result in an earnings miss in the near future.

 It's not really as much fun if you're going to bring logic into it....

Golf In The Middle Kingdom - It turns out that golf isn't necessarily corrupting, which no doubt comes as a relief.  And there's no greater expert on corruption than the Chinese Communist Party:

Banned by Mao Zedong – who despised the “sport for millionaires” – golf enjoyed a renaissance during the 80s and 90s only to be outlawed for the party’s 85 million members in 2015 as a result of president Xi Jinping’s anti-corruption drive. 

Articles in the party-controlled media have painted China’s golf courses as cauldrons of profiteering where the palms of rotten officials are greased by favour-seeking business people.

Cauldrons of profiteering?  I assume they're speaking of Colin King's dubious handicap, but otherwise that seems just a tad overwrought.  But you can all breathe easier with this edict:

“Can officials play golf while the nation steps up efforts to clamp down on corruption and promote austerity?” the China Daily asked. “The answer is yes - if they pay out of their own pockets.” 

“Playing golf itself is not a wrongdoing,” the newspaper confirmed.

 Got it: Golf is not a crime... though, the way some people play it certainly is...

And if golf isn't a crime, then this must be a great misunderstanding.

#hangitupmike - These crazy kids with their hashtags and such.  But the best part of this story is that it allows me to introduce you to my newest favorite-named golfer, South African Dawie Van der Walt.  Dawie was second alternate to get into this week's Harbour Town event, and committed an unnecessarily personal social media faux pas:

"Gota (sic) love a guy who gets an invite into a Tour event and then WD after the first round," van der Walt wrote, closing his tweet with the hashtag, "#hangitupmike."

Mike is former Masters champion and seemingly nice guy Mike Weir, and Dawie is officially off the Weir's Christmas card list.  And while I can't endorse the way he expressed himself, the frustration is quite understandable:

Weir, 45, did not disclose any injury upon withdrawing. He is playing this season on a

major medical extension, but remains mired in a lengthy slump. Weir has either withdrawn or missed the cut in each of his last 24 worldwide starts, and he hasn't played the weekend since a T-21 finish at the no-cut CIMB Classic in October 2014. 

Weir has not broken par in any of his 12 competitive rounds this year, and he hasn't been in red figures since a second-round 70 at last year's AT&T Byron Nelson Classic.

I don't know what the answer is, but the first step is admitting you have a problem.  Sponsors pony up the big bucks and deserve the right to use their exemptions as they see fit, but Weir doesn't come off too well in this.  

Ultimately the underlying problem is that there are too few playing opportunities, and in requiring a year of indentured servitude on the web.com tour and then not delivering the stipulated tee times, the tour is running a Madoff-esque Ponzi scheme.  

But given this reality, it would sure be nice if the sponsors could be a little more judicious in their allocation of exemptions.

Short Takes - A little cheese with that whine, sir?  Watch Camilo Villegas get a ruling that he was NOT happy about

I'm Gonna Go With, Because He's John Daly - John Daly picked Danny Willett to win the Masters. Why didn't we listen to him?!

Thanks, I'm Good - You can buy your very own set of Bubba Watson emojis (Yes, really)

Like Last Year? - How the U.S. Open's TV coverage will crush what we saw at the Masters

Well, He Unexpectedly Had Last Weekend Free - Rickie Fowler attached a golf ball to the gear shifter of his first car