Thursday Threads

I'm playing hurt this morning, a swollen jaw from an unscheduled partial root canal yesterday afternoon.  No, that's OK, it's my job...

Out With the Old... - The Zurich folks are enjoying their well-deserved moment in the sun, after a highly successful week despite several weather delays.  Ryan Lavner caught up with the man on the hot seat:

AVONDALE, La. – During yet another weather delay at TPC Louisiana, tournament director Steve Worthy passed through the clubhouse to solicit feedback from the players

who had showed up for the first team event on the PGA Tour since 1981. 

The response was surprising, especially for a guy with nearly 30 years of experience running tournaments. 

“I haven’t had anybody say anything negative,” he said Sunday. “I had emails from guys who missed the cut who said that it was so much fun and they can’t wait to get back next year.” 

Nothing negative? From PGA Tour players? 

“I would say that’s probably a first,” he said with a smile.

Apparently there's no truth to the rumor that several teams missing the cut blamed it on James Comey.... But this is really strange from Ryan, an experienced hand:

Of course, having too many outside-the-box tournaments appears gimmicky and could damage the Tour’s brand. After all, a player’s livelihood is at stake, and it shouldn’t necessarily be determined by whether he can hit a 6-iron through a hula hoop while blindfolded. 

“Just once or twice a year, because it adds something different,” Fowler said. “You don’t want to have too many – then it doesn’t have a unique-kind-of-week feel to it.”

Wow, does he really think a two-man event is the equivalent of a circus sideshow?  No one is arguing to replace individual stroke play as the dominant format... correction, recently Jordan Spieth expressed a desire to play a major at match play, but I calmly explained why that is neither feasible nor desirable.

Now, since we're speaking of that tent with the painted lady and other curiosities, pay close attention for one of those world-class segues that you so treasure.  Are you ready for Golf Sixes, an idea of such import it has its own website:

The European Tour recently unveiled the new innovative GolfSixes tournament, which

follows an exciting team-focused match play format rather than the traditional 72 hole stroke play format. Here is how it all works. 

Two-man teams from 16 different nations playing in a Greensomes format. 

· Each nation is represented by its two leading ranked European Tour members from the 2017 Exemption Category List as at Monday March 13. 

· Both players in each team hit tee shots on each hole. The pair then select their favoured tee shot and play alternately for the remainder of the hole.

And here are the groups:

Group A - England, Denmark, The Netherlands, India

Group B - Thailand, Spain, Belgium, Scotland

Group C - Australia, Wales, USA, Portugal

Group D - South Africa, France, Sweden, Italy

For the inevitable Group of Death I'm going with B, final answer.  As will Wally, I'm sure....

Shack and John Feinstein do their Point-Counterpoint thing here on the subject of the the various format tweaks, Geoff lauding the Greensomes (Shamble) format and John drooling over the shot clock.

Before you paint your face red, white and blue, you might want to know that the U.S. team is composed of Paul Peterson and David Lipsky.  Was I remiss in not informing them of my availability?

As for walkout songs, I just feel compelled to remind all that Enter Sandman has been permanently retired.

I love the experimentation, though one gets the sense that it might have been overdone.  Pace Ryan Lavner above, this seems to me to be more of an exhibition than a competition, though no doubt fun.  Whereas the Zurich was a serious competition, just ask Cameron Smith...

The Long and Short of Slow Play - Everyone is against slow play, but it's really tricky to come up with a procedure to mitigate it, even if you're prepared to go nuclear and dish out penalty shots.

Doug Ferguson ventures into the long grass, first by discussing the curious timing of the penalty doled out at the Zurich:

Tour officials assessed a one-shot penalty for slow play last week at the Zurich Classic, the first one at a regular PGA Tour event since 1995. This one was peculiar because it

happened at the first team event in 36 years in a format (alternate shot) that had never been used at an official tournament. 

Miguel Angel Carballo was given a bad time on the 12th hole at the TPC Louisiana. His partner, Brian Campbell, received a bad time on the 14th hole. Typically, it takes two bad times for a player to receive a penalty shot, but the Rules of Golf defines partners in foursomes as one player. 

Once the shock wore off, the dialogue shifted from ''it's about time'' to ''what took so long?'' 

All that was missing was a solution.

OK, then factor in this from Brian Harman, one of the quicker guys out there:

His first two years on tour, Harman was in what he called the "rookie category," meaning 

he was in the final groups of each draw. He said his groups were put on the clock two times all season.

"The next year, I was in the first three groups and I was put on the clock six times," he said. "And I was the 12th-fastest guy based on ShotLink data. They sent me a letter saying, 'See what you can do to help out.' I sent them one back and said, 'What do I do? I'm your 12th-fastest player.'" 

Harman won the 2014 John Deere Classic and was moved into the "winner's category," which is in the middle of the pack. Harman said his group was put on the clock once in 2.5 years. 

"I'm back into the first three groups," he said. "I've already been timed five times this year." 

Being put on the clock can be costly. If a player is put on the clock 10 times in a season, he is fined $20,000 even if he's not the one holding up play.

And, of course, human nature being what it is:

Here's what is not in the book - when players are put on the clock, that's not their first interaction with a rules official. They first are asked to pick up the pace, a courtesy to allow for outside circumstances (such as a lost ball). Secondly, while timing is not an exact science, players are not given a bad time if they go a few seconds over the limit. A bad time generally is a really bad time. 

Either way, it's a bad policy.

''If a slow player gets behind and they're asked to pick it up, the first question they ask is, 'Am I on the clock?' Because if they're not on the clock, they're not going to change,'' Haas said. ''If they are on the clock, they change. I don't like that. Because then all they do is run down the fairway.'' 

There's more good stuff in Doug's piece, most notably Harman's attributing slow play to green speeds.  Hold that thought for a bit....

Pat Perez suggests an official time every shot without warnings, but that's an obviously expensive solution.  The only other thing that I'd like to add is, at the risk of joining #kerrnation, there are conditions that require more thought, most notably swirling winds.  They don't require the amount of time Christie needs, but we've seen enough of rules officials determining outcomes....

I have no problem with them tackling this in a serious manner....  It's just if they're not going to be judicial, then it'll be better if they just continue to ignore it...

Did Someone Mention Greens? - I was admittedly taken by surprise by the USGA/R&A's statement that they're looking into the use of green-reading books...  and by looking to, we of course mean considering the banning thereof.

Ryan Lavner finds the players not at all opposed to this, including some unlikely suspects:

Although green-reading books are becoming more common on the PGA Tour, most players asked on Wednesday at the Wells Fargo Championship were in favor of any rule

that would outlaw its use.

“I think probably we should ban the book,” Adam Scott said. “If they feel that reading the green needs to be more of an art and it's an advantage to a player who's a creative, great green reader, then I wouldn't have a problem with that.” 

Some have suggested that banning green-reading material would help speed up play, but Scott said it was only a “small contributing factor to slow play.” 

“I don’t know that pace is the issue with those things,” Lucas Glover said. “It’s more the powers that be see it as a possibility of losing the art of the game. It’s just like judging the wind or reading a lie, there’s got to be art to it. Science has already taken over enough.”

Adam Scott is a poor putter by the standards of his peers, and when one putts poorly I assume it's to some extent a result of being a poor reader of greens.  One would think he would need such tutorials more than the average bear, so I tend to give his opinion weight.

Via Shack we have this from Justin Leonard:

JUSTIN LEONARD: I played last week at the Texas Open, and Steve Hulka was caddying for me, and he had one of those books with, you know, the arrows and everything. I looked at it twice and I couldn't -- it was too much information for me.

I think the reason they are looking at it -- and I'll tell you that I had a putt on Friday on No. 9 to make the cut, about a 25-footer. And Steve told me what the book said, and it did exactly what it said. 

Q. Did you make it? 

JUSTIN LEONARD: I made the putt. Absolutely I made it. Of course I did. I made the cut and played on the weekend. 

But that being said, I think to me, it's a slow-play issue. It takes too much time. It takes the feel away from the game. I know we're in a time where technology plays such a role in all sports, and it's certainly playing a role in golf with TrackMan and everything.

Tripp Isenhour does a good job demonstrating the wealth of information available to the players, including updates about that day's hole location.  As Tripp notes, this is information and we've never prohibited the sharing of information wit players.  I'd also add that the players will still see this data, as we can only prohibit the use of the books during play.  Instead of low score wins, will we be going to a best memory wins environment?

Timing Is Everything - So while there's still tee times to be booked, the bones of our summer linksapalooza are in place.  We have a sentimental reason to be in London in early August, and will piggyback with an excursion to the great links of Wales and Southwest England.  Be prepared to learn about names like St. Enodoc, Westward Ho! (exclamation point mandatory) Pennard and Porthcawl.

There's plenty of time to wet your whistle (and my own) before then, but Coleman McDowell has this at Golf.com today:

How to pack for a golf trip

Let's see how this comports with my own experiences....

TRAVEL BAG

The two best bets for travel bags are made by ClubGlove and Sun Mountain. Yes, they’re pricey. Are they worth it? It depends. Is this a one-off trip, where the bag will collect dust once you return? Then just use ShipSticks, Luggage Forward or some other provider that can handle your clubs for you.

Fair enough, and he goes on to recommend a couple of worthy products.  But the key mistake to avoid here is getting sucked into a plastic travel case, only to find out there's no way to fit them into your rental car.

And shipping one's clubs is a great idea, in fact that's on my list to look into for our trip so we don't have to trundle them through London, but the real world problem is that shipping can take longer than you'll want to be apart from for weaponry.

GOLF BAG

One theme throughout this guide is prepping for unexpected inclement weather. On a golf trip, rain shouldn’t stop you. Be proactive and get a waterproof bag.

He actually recommends a bag from Vice Golf, which is interesting in its own right.  But not everyone will want to get a new bag, and much of one's needs can be accommodated by using Zip-loc bags for everything except balls and tees.

Speaking of rain, weather-proof gloves are probably the cheapest thing in this guide, but perhaps the most indispensable. When it rains, the ratty glove you were wearing will further deteriorate.

True that, though travelers headed to the UK and Ireland need to appreciate that temperatures might be such that wearing rain gloves will be painful.  I'm of mixed minds on umbrellas, more helpful in Scotland (because caddies don't double bag) than Ireland, but when it's windy.... you can fill in the rest.  I always bring and rarely use.

I found his discussion of clothing and shoes to be useless, as he was too busy pimping specific brands for my taste.  If one is truly writing for newbies, there are some real basics to offer, for instance:

1. Synthetics over cotton:  The latter wrinkles too much and takes far too long to dry.  Not to mention breathability...
2. Colors:  Stay in one subset, so everything matches everything.  
3. Layers:  The weather is highly changeable, so be prepared to don and undon layers.  Also, layering under waterproofs is its own art form.  
4. Shoes:  Two pair are mandatory as Coleman notes, but shoe trees as well.

Of course, your mileage may vary.... One of the worst things that's happened to me on our trips was when the weather was warmer than expected....  Employee No. 2's job decsription often includes a smell test for your humble bloggers daily ensemble.  That might be TMI, but by the second week of a trip it's a necessary precaution.

Midweek Musings

Awfully quiet out there, so no need to put on that second pot of coffee...

Shack's Schadenfreude - I like Shack and I love schadenfreude, though I'm decidedly lukewarm on this melding of the two.  Geoff contrasts yesterday's item on the poll to award a sponsor's exemption with the outrage generated from Golf Digest putting Paulina Gretzky on its cover two years ago:

With an LPGA tournament holding a Twitter poll to determine a sponsor's invitation, there is an apparent blessing from Commissioner Mike Whan that seems inconsistent with the outrage his organization directed at Golf Digest two years ago.

To recap: Golf Digest put Paulina Gretzky on the May 2014 cover and many in the women's golf world were outraged given how few females had ever graced the front page. And when a woman did make the cover, it was not one of the LPGA's many stars.

Mind you, I don't think he's wrong...  In this case I just think that the ShopRite poll is wrong on two such obvious issues, both in using Twitter and in having a beauty contest, that it almost diminished those arguments by bring up the Paulina cover.

I also understand that Mike Whan was playing to his constituency with these comments, whereas it's unclear as to his role in this tawdry mess.  Fact is that the LPGA is so desperate for sponsors that he might not have had as much leverage as is assumed...

Geoff has further rants at the link, as well as the quotes from Whan back then.  And a short back-and-forth with obvious horn-dog John Feinstein from Morning Drive.

Feeding On Itself - A recurring theme of this blog has been how the PGA Tour, under the stewardship of the unlamented Commissioner Ratched, competed with its own sponsors.  Here's another example, related to this week's event:

Don't mind Kym Hougham if he gets a little nostalgic for the good-old days. The

longtime executive director of the Wells Fargo Championship started in Charlotte in 2003 and built the tournament into one of the must-play events on the PGA Tour. 

"We were in kind of the dead zone between the Masters and the U.S. Open. We came out with a big purse – $5.6 million was big at the time – and we had a great course that the players adored," said Hougham, referring to Quail Hollow Club. "In 2007, we had 29 of the top 30 in the world. That was unheard of."

So, what's the problem?  

That was then; this is now. This week's Wells Fargo Championship is being held at Eagle Point Golf Club in Wilmington, N.C. – a "one-off," as Hougham put it – to accommodate Quail Hollow's role as host of the PGA Championship in August. It's a fine course in its own right that is ranked in several top-100 course lists, but the field took a hit. A decade after scoring that "unheard of" 29 of the top 30, Hougham landed only seven of them this time. (He did woo World No. 1 Dustin Johnson, who will be making his first start since a freak back injury sidelined him from the Masters.) The weaker strength of field also is reflected in the 50 Official World Golf Ranking points that will be awarded to this week's champion, down from 58 a year ago.

Tour pros are independent contractors and make their own schedules, as long as they play the minimum 15 sanctioned events. 

"Scheduling is so hard," Hougham said. "I equate it to college. You have your requirements and your electives. For years, there used to be four requirements – the majors – and the rest of the events were electives. You had four that were a given and then had 14 others to choose from. Now there are four majors, The Players, four World Golf Championships and four playoff events. All of a sudden, the requirements now are up to 13. The electives are vying for four or five spots. It's changed a lot in the last 10 years."

See the issue?  From when Wells Fargo committed to building this event, the Tour has added four events to compete with their partners, as well as moving the Player's into this unfortunate sap's back yard.  The PGA of America going to a regular Tour stop like Quail Hollow remains profoundly silly in my humble estimation, but the pain might not be over in Charlotte:

Hougham didn't point fingers, but the biggest hit to his field has been the move beginning in 2007 of The Players Championship from March to May, a week after the Charlotte stop. There's a lot of talk of the Players’ returning to its March date as soon as 2019. Would that be a good thing for Wells Fargo?

"It depends," Hougham said. "It's a zero net gain if the PGA (Championship) moves to May. We'd be a week before a major."

One suspects that the real losers in all this are the Wells Fargo shareholders.

Asked and Answered -  Alan's mailbag is replete with silliness this week, but it's a slow day...  I do actually like this question:

Which annual Tour stop is at the course you'd least like to play? NOLA? Memphis? (Only golf, no entertainment options considered.) –Todd (@tamcfall) 

Having just played the TPC of Louisiana, I didn't find it offensive in any way. There is a nice variety of holes and some really fun shots to hit. The terrain is flat and boring, but for what it is, it's perfectly fine. I'd have to go with PGA National, site of the Honda Classic. That's also a flat, featureless site but every hole is fraught with man-made danger. It's an ass-kicking from start to finish, and not my idea of fun.

Good answer, Alan, though one has to note that it's a surprisingly competitive category.

His answer here is along the likes of "Time will tell", though I'm not sure I really blame him:

Among today's players, who finishes with the most majors and why? #AskAlan -Aman (@theamanmisra) 

You can't underrate the importance of Rory's lead; he has four major championship victories and the next closest player, with two, is Spieth. Two majors is the career total of Greg Norman, Johnny Miller, Bernie Langer, Ben Crenshaw, Curtis Strange and a bunch of other Hall of Famers, so Spieth has a lot of work to do just to get to where McIlroy is right now. (Given that Dustin Johnson is significantly older and Day is oft-injured, I don't think anyone else is in the conversation.) On the other hand, Jordan is four years younger and has never been hurt, while Rory is accumulating a lot of dings. McIlroy can overwhelm a golf course like no other but doesn't have a great track record on really fast greens and in heavy winds. Spieth has less firepower but his game travels better in varying conditions. I'll take Rory here but would not be the least bit surprised if a decade from now Jordan has caught him.

It's a head-scratcher, which is why it's fun to contemplate....  Alan is spot-on in assessing Rory, though he could have added putting and chipping to his list of issues.  I'm still undecided on the arc of Jordan's career, mostly because he's just shorter than everyone else on the list.  And those guys tend to run into issues over time, as they have so much less margin for error.

This one is really sad:

Big winner last week because Zurich offered no OWGR points: Lee Westwood? After novelty wears off, will no OWGR points affect future fields? #AskAlan -@LenHochberg

Interestingly, both Jordan Spieth and Jason Day mentioned last week that the lack of World Ranking points made for a more relaxing week – if they played poorly it would not have a deleterious effect. I'm sure the Tour's middle class would love to earn points, especially if they can latch on to a better player. But if the stars are content with the current arrangement, don't expect it to change.

If J&J and worried about world ranking points, they need some tough love.  The only guys I can see that should be concerned would be those on the cusp of qualifying for WGC's and majors.  

This one he nails:

What life accomplishments did you achieve during the Kerr-Nomura playoff? -@MikeGLutz 

I don't know why everyone is making such a big deal about this—I only got halfway through “The Brother Karamazov” during the playoff.

Hey, c'mon, Christie assures me that the conditions were really challenging... And the Brothers K is really good.  Not perhaps as good as the Brothers Bryan, but still...

As for this, you be the judge:

Do you take questions only about golf or in general, because there are parts of String Theory I still can't grasp. -@AnthonyPiopp 

Bring it. 

I can't grasp 'vacuum state.' Please help. –Pioppi 

Just imagine the inside of Bubba's head.

I might have been inclined to go with Hal Sutton's, you know that guy that still thinks pairing Tiger and Phil was a service to humanity. Plus, Alan isn't as likely to need to interview Hal any time soon...

My Kind of Bucket List - Here's the premise from the header:

37 things all golfers should and actually can do before they die

I remember a cover from one of the two golf monthlies many years ago that had a list with a similar premise, but included the possible (i.e., shaking hands with Arnie) with the impossible, like making birdie out of the water.  Really, I saw Greg Norman do it once on a Par-5 in Florida, but for us poor schlubs it's well nigh impossible.  

Josh has a collection of good stuff:

1. Play shoeless, like Sam Snead. It’s amazingly liberating and can actually help free up you (and your swing) to post a great score. 

2. Donate a set of clubs to charity. The First Tee is among the many worthy organizations that will take them. 

3. Caddie for your son or daughter.

I like this kind of thinking very much.  Not to quibble, but I think I'm more likely to make birdie from the drink than to be able to accomplish this:

8. Play an entire round without making an excuse, talking to your ball or complaining about a result. No tips on how do that. It’s all on you.

That sound you here is the air current created by every reader that's pegged it with me vigorously nodding his head....

I'm only willing to consider this one....

21. Charge every putt.

If I'm paired with a guy that hasn't checked this one off his list:

11. Concede a sliding four-footer for a half.

I think this is quite true, though if you have a dinner reservation, you might want to check whether Christie is in the field:

12. Play in an LPGA pro-am. It’s surprisingly affordable and the players are refreshingly affable. You’ll find the tournament schedule here.

I really like these, though I suggest them for late afternoon when your course is empty:

31. Play alternate shot. 

32. Play the tips.

33. Better yet: Play the forward tees.

To this I would add playing a Pinehurst with a woman, especially on your home course.  The purpose of all of these things is to put you in unfamiliar spots, and make yourself handle it.

As for this last one, didn't you say these were things that were possible?

26. Beat the yips. 

Tuesday Trifles

Just a few quick items then I need to get back to planning our trip...

The Art of The Non-Apology - LPGA fans, and I'm speaking to both of you, Christie Kerr feels your pain and wants you to know that she's really very, very.....well, very something:

Hmmm...it's often said that a blind shot is only blind the first time through....  Under that theory, a tricky hole... well, you can complete the thought.  Just a reminded that she played the hole ten times, not including practice rounds and the Pro-Am.

Though this seems especially weaselly:

Next she'll be telling us that Haru Nomura wore a short skort and had it coming....

And while we're on the LPGA, the forthcoming ShopRite Classic in Atlantic City has decided to award a sponsor's exemption based upon a Twitter vote.  Wait, that's not the funny part... Here's the ballot:

Can anyone deduce the common thread, excuse me, the qualification criteria?  Let's see how long it takes our Sherlocks out there....This is Susana Benavides:

This is Carly Booth:

Anybody getting warm?  This would be Sharmila:

I see issues with her takeaway....but that's perhaps not important now.  And to complete the set, you've no doubt met Blair O'Neal:

The common thread eludes this writer, but I'm sure the screening process was rigorous...  I do understand, though, that Paige Spirinac will be filing suit to gain ballot access.

These girls can play as slowly as they choose, but there has to be some ugly pushback, no?  And yes, the wording was intentional... 

Reading Greens - I played ya there, but get this from the USGA:

Joint Statement Regarding Green-Reading Materials 

May 1, 2017 

The R&A and the USGA believe that a player's ability to read greens is an essential part of the skill of putting. Rule 14-3 limits the use of equipment and devices that might assist a player in their play, based on the principle that golf is a challenging game in which success should depend on the judgement, skills and abilities of the player. We are concerned about the rapid development of increasingly detailed materials that players are using to help with reading greens during a round. We are reviewing the use of these materials to assess whether any actions need to be taken to protect this important part of the game. We expect to address this matter further in the coming months.

Holy yardage book, Batman!  You'd think they have to be kidding, but they're actually not....  No sense showing up to the Open early folks...

Shack has a Golfweek item in which he informs of the reason for the concern:

Those massive green reading books used by an increasing number of PGA Tour players

are now under review by the governing bodies. 

It all sounds so … proactive. 

Traditionalists will swoon. 

The core values of the game will be upheld. 

Old Tom can stop spinning. 

Those infernal green reading books merely mark a natural progression of traditional yardage books. 

The real problem with players consulting intricate charts before hitting their putts?

Optics and pace of play.

I'm not sure how I feel about this, as the focus on optics seems petty.  Here's Geoff's take:

If a player wants to roll out a scroll longer than the Bill of Rights, consult astrological forecasts, pray to the Golf God of Putting and repeat a mantra 30 times before pulling the trigger, that should be their right. 

As long as they do so within 45 seconds.

I'd suggest that we try enforcing the pace-of-play rules and see where we are, but the weekend showed us that that's an iffy prospect.  

I'll give this one some thought and let you know how my thought process evolves...

But as long as we're focused on our rules-makers, let's revisit the Tour Confidential panel and their take on last week's rules change:

4. The USGA and the R&A added Decision 34-3/10, which is designed to limit the use of video replay and hinder viewers from calling in potential rules violations. But has that much really changed with the introduction of the so-called "Lexi Rule"?

Ritter: The tours gave themselves some wiggle room to ignore call-ins, but only as they see fit. I still hate that players can be penalized for signing an incorrect scorecard for a penalty that's enforced retroactively. Overall, the rule is a move in the right direction—golf was heading toward "Dancing With the Stars" territory. (Do you think Lexi made a par? Call in and vote now!) But there's more work to be done. 

Bamberger: Well said, Alan. And this is not the Lexi Rule. Nothing in the decision (in my opinion) would have changed in Thompson's situation. That was not a best-effort marking. If she marks her ball correctly, there's no issue, as Alan notes.

Nobody even mentioned the task force working group modified limited hangout....  here's what they've accomplished:  As Josh Ritter, notes, they've given the tours the flexibility to handle video in the manner of their choosing...  But to be clear, they've had this right all along.  

As with the ball moving on the green, DJ-gate if you will, they've added ambiguity to the rules and they may have to go at it a second time....

Balls Said the Queen - My people have just the word for this occasion:

See if you agree about this:

5. The USGA rejected the request of Wisconsin's own Steve Stricker for a special exemption into the U.S. Open, which will be played on June 15-18 at Erin Hills in Hartford, Wis. Should the USGA have shown a little heart?

What the hell was he thinking?  Does that mean that I get in when the Open returns to Winged Foot?

These guys give the appropriate answers:

Ritter: I'm a Stricker fan, but this is the national championship. You've gotta earn your spot. 

Shipnuck: Exactly. Golf is the ultimate meritocracy, and the Open especially so. Stricker can still play his way in through qualifying. If he wanted to play in this Open so much he should've gotten off his couch and tried harder to become exempt.

Bamberger: And it's not a rejection. It's an honor to get one, and the USGA decided, in its wisdom, that this was not an honor that Steve Stricker needed to receive. I bet he still plays his way in. 

Well played, guys, as expected from grizzled veterans in your profession.   Now we come to Jessica Marksbury, whose qualifications for her position elude me, but who could have been on that ShopRite ballot above:

Marksbury: I didn't even know special exemptions were a thing until recently. If Steve doesn't qualify, I wonder who does?

Jessica, I'm going to type very slowly in the hope that you can follow my nuanced logic.  How about someone that's won a professional golf tournament more prestigious than the John Deere? 

Weekend Wrap

The traditional Monday wrappage, notwithstanding that things didn't, you know, wrap up...

The Long March - Wow, what a bizarre day in televised golf....  The irony, of course, is that the LPGA is always delighted to share the stage with the big tour...  Except, they were dissed by Golf Channel and made themselves seemingly deserving of said dissage.

Here's Geoff's take on it:

The LPGA had a chance to share the spotlight with a rain-delayed Zurich Classic on Golf Channel, and while the network (in my biased view) did a solid job managing a real

traffic jam, they could not overcome the LPGA product failings.

Namely that the tour, even after criticism following past deja-vu-all-over-again fiascos, insisted on conducting a sudden death playoff on only one hole. That would be Las Colinas's less-than-perfect 18th hole. 

This meant eventual winner Haru Nomura and slow-poke Cristie Kerr played the 18th hole six excruciating times.

So, here's the background....  The Zurich PGA team event in New Orleans was hit by a six-hour weather delay, with play resumed some time around 5:30 East Coast time.  As is typical, the network will run over to cover the finish, but not if it goes deep into prime time.  C'mon, golf vs. 60 Minutes?  

In those cases, coverage is handed back to Golf Channel, which presumably has concluded its coverage of the ladies or round bellies....  Except, that the ladies hadn't concluded because it was Groundhog Day, watching two women missing the 18th fairway repeatedly....

So, ladies first:

IRVING, Texas (AP) -- Hara Nomura outlasted Cristie Kerr with a two-putt birdie on the 

sixth playoff hole to win the windy Volunteers of America Texas Shootout for her third LPGA Tour victory.

Nomura, the 24-year-old from Japan who lives in Hawaii, also birdied the par-5 18th hole at the end of regulation to force the playoff after giving up the lead for the first time with a double bogey at No. 17. 

Kerr and Nomura finished regulation at 3-under 281 at Las Colinas Country Club, then played the 518-yard 18th six more times.

Of the twelve people watching, thirteen were shouting at their TV's to put Christie Kerr down....  Christie has never been my cup of tea, but venom from Geoff excerpted above seems spot on.  Her pre-shot routine reminds one most of Ben Crane slowed to 33 1/3 rpm, and there was simple drop from a TIO that lasted as long as the 100 year war...  But, perhaps I exaggerate...

Now, one's perspective was affected by the manner of GC coverage, which evolved in a curious manner.  At first they seemed content to cut back to the playoff as the ladies were hitting, but stay mostly with the lads.  But then some genius decided to go to a split-screen presentation, but the audio feed exclusively from the Zurich.  At a few points the ladies played shots with no audio, making it difficult on the small split-screen to discern the action, while watching players in New Orleans strolling down the fairway as Nick Faldo free-associated one of typically acute observations.  Well done, GC, you managed to piss off both audiences.

I'd speculate that this might have been Christie-related, as they thought they were cutting to a live shot, whereas Christie was only in Act I of Anna Karenina... Seriously, it was that bad...

How bad?  Well the b***h was called out by Judy Rankin:

When you've lost Judy....

But we're not done yet, as that 18th hole was destined to deliver such uninspiring play.  Las Colinas was regarded as the worst track on the PGA Tour, though the finishing hole kind of worked for them because they could all reach it.  In this case, not so much, so watch the girls make par after par after par...

Per Will Gray:

It didn’t help that the hole in question seemed poorly designed, with both players struggling to keep the ball in the fairway off the tee. But the situation also recalled

frustrating images from a playoff between Paula Creamer and Jiyai Shin at the 2012 Kingsmill Championship where the two played the same hole nine straight times. 

The LPGA should have learned from that particularly monotonous ending, but apparently they did not. So let Sunday’s anticlimactic conclusion outside Dallas serve as final reinforcement that any playoff rotation that calls for the same hole over and over needs to be thrown away and promptly re-written.

The only good news in the whole sordid mess was that it seemed that the more time Kerr took, the worse her shot turned out.  

We'll let Geoff lede on the lads as well:

The first team event since 1981--did you hear that enough?--was looking like a bit of a

dud. A six hour delay, gray skies on soggy Bermuda and only Jordan Spieth left among the headliners were hardly the ingredients to success.

But in that classic bit of team play irony, Cameron Smith appeared to seal the victory and you could practically hear the screams of joys from the CBS truck. Furthermore, Smith and partner Jonas Blixt did not make a bogey all 72 holes, an amazing feat with 36 holes of foursomes. 

Then Kevin Kisner brazenly holed out for eagle to send the event to a Monday playoff and the first Zurich Classic as team play will have a highlight we'll see for years to come.

It was really quite the jolt to the system, especially since the announcers thought it was over and weren't prepared to know whether there was enough light to play on.  Cameron Smith's shot will get lost in the hullabaloo over the hole-out, but quite the exciting finish for the day, though too late to have many eyeballs on it.

 Jeff Babineau tees up today's playoff:

Not one of the four finalists (Blixt, like Kisner and Brown, is 33, and Smith is 10 years younger) was born the last time the PGA Tour conducted an official team event (1981 Walt Disney World National Team Championship). There is a good deal at stake on Monday morning: The winners will receive an official PGA Tour victory and two-year exemption, 400 FedEx Cup points and divide a winner’s check of more than $2 million. A victory also would get Smith, a Web.com Tour grad, into the Players Championship and PGA Championship. 

Smith and Blixt were the only team in the field to get through the week without a bogey on the card, and they didn’t go away once they fell behind on Sunday. They ran off three birdies to start the back nine, cutting the deficit to one.

I'll disagree with Shack to the extent of the event needing saving, though a six-hour delay would hurt even The Masters.  Here are some comments from the Tour Confidential panel:

Jeff Ritter: It was a hit. Loved guys cheering on their partners, the awkward high-fives and the goofy two-man press conferences. And Kisner's clutch chip-in on 18 to force a playoff amplifies the positive buzz. Weather aside, it was a fun week. Let's do it again one more time in the fall, but as a co-ed event. 

Alan Shipnuck: Ritter, you forgot the precious matching outfits! It was a blast and the strong field, big crowds and overall enthusiasm for the whole thing will hopefully spur other events to think more creatively. 

Michael Bamberger: Completely agree. Double your pleasure, double your fun. I find myself rooting for Jordan Spieth. I like the guy. But I liked the unlikely team of Spieth and Ryan Palmer even more. The course seemed more interesting, the on-course chit-chat seemed more interesting—it just seemed more … sporting.

And the guys had fun, which will get around.  Really good stuff from a second tier event on a third-rate course.... Or maybe that's the other way around.

Math Is Hard - Didn't we all enjoy Ian Poulters gallant, yet ultimately unsuccessful, effort to regain his playing privileges under the major medical exemption?  Well, sucka, you've been played:

Turns out the months-long melodrama of Ian Poulter’s unsuccessful attempt to hang onto his PGA Tour card was all for naught: Poulter is now fully exempt for the remainder of

the season, all thanks to Brian Gay’s balky thumb and a rare bit of common sense by Tour bureaucrats. Gay gave the Knockdown an exclusive peek at how the story played out over the last two days.

Gay began digging into his FedEx Cup totals for his 2016-17 finishes and only then noticed a lightly publicized change to this season’s points breakdown. The Tour has restructured the distribution, giving fewer points to finishes below 14th. For instance, a 20th-place finish last season was worth 51 points, but this season it brings only 45; 30th place has been devalued from 41 points to 28. Major medicals extensions are not pegged to a specific season; indeed, Gay had accrued his $917,000 across the 2015-16 and 2016-17 seasons. But thanks to the Tour’s new math, his finishes this season were worth fewer points.

There's 114 VP's in Fortress Ponte Vedra earning six-figure salaries, could one them perhaps focus on stuff like this?  It's beyond bush league, but like rooting against Christie, I'm now compelled to hope that FedEx doesn't renew...

Shack has more in it here, in case you've got a higher threshold for pain than I....

And perhaps that explains this?

Chickens, Roost - It so happens that this golf thing isn't the only area where Ben Crane is unconscionably, insufferably, agonizingly slow:

Wagering plays a large role in golf. Just ask Michael Jordan. 

So when a betting situation goes wrong involving a player on the PGA Tour – where the amount of money wagered can get quite high – matters aren’t going to be too civil. 

Tom Gillis, a 48-year-old who took a job as a high school golf coach earlier this year after posting 188 career starts on the PGA Tour, took issue publicly Tuesday with Ben Crane, accusing the five-time PGA Tour winner of not paying out on a $6,000 bet.

Gillis’ public comment came via Twitter, and the message also included a snipe at Crane’s reputation for slow play.

It appears that Crane has now payed up, calling it a misunderstanding that somehow also involved Daniel Berger.  But that obviously didn't happen until Gillis started the Twitterstorm...

Golf In The Middle Kingdom - That's an evergreen header around here, as this is only the latest dispatch covering golf's tortured relationship with China:

BEIJING—The PGA Tour China is caught in a sand trap. 

The U.S.-based organization said it has been unable to get any Chinese tournaments

approved for its upcoming season, which last year began May 9 and featured more than a dozen events. 

“We’re stuck moving forward,” said Greg Gilligan, managing director of the PGA Tour China. “There’s a lack of clarity over how to get approved.” 

The impasse comes after a falling-out between the PGA Tour and its Chinese partners, and amounts to another bogey for golf in China.

Sorry, should have provided a metaphor alert, though I'm disappointed that they failed to get up-and-in from that particular bunker...

If you think that China is the future of golf, perhaps you'd care to think again....  It remains a very poor country where our game has never taken root.  That's not a recipe for success...

As the man who literally wrote the book on this subject says:

Chairman Mao “labeled golf the sport for millionaires, and, honestly, that’s still what golf is to this day in China,” Washburn said. “No government official should be able to afford to play a round of golf, let alone own a golf-club membership. It is out of reach of all but the very wealthy.”

Though I still like my title better...

Friedman Frolics - Tom Friedman is a longstanding candidate for Woody Allen's Academy of the Over-rated....  I know, he might be the initial inductee, unless it's the Woodman himself.  In fact, this is how predictable:

Thomas Friedman Op/Ed Generator

Because this is what his writing actually looks like.

Spend a little time there, you'll thank me later...  The reson we're going there is that Friedman turns his attention to golf in a recent column:

So a Hindu, a Muslim and a Jew are playing golf together in Dubai … 

Sounds like the first line of a joke, right? Actually, it’s the first line of one of those serendipitous stories that often happen when you play golf abroad. In my case, I was invited to play at the Emirates Club with a U.A.E. education expert and the famed Indian mystic, poet and yogi Jaggi Vasudev, who goes by his reverential name, Sadhguru. 

When I got to the first tee, I realized this was not going to be a normal round. Sadhguru is the founder of Isha, an Indian-based humanitarian and environmental movement with millions of followers (and some critics, too) — several of whom I could tell were at the course, because caddies and staff members kept coming over for selfies with Sadhguru and offering the traditional Hindu greeting, “I bow to the divine in you.”

Here's the nut graph:

Sadhguru got addicted to golf while visiting followers in America. With about a 15 handicap now, he can hit a drive 220 yards. 

As a yogi, it was not surprising that he had probed the deeper meaning of the game: “The simplicity of it makes everyone attempt it, but the subtlety of it makes almost everybody get frustrated with it,” he once observed in an interview with Isha’s magazine. Golf was also just like life (and yoga), he added: People mess up at both when their “interior is not settled.”

Perhaps that explains yesterday's desultory play.....  But wait, he shares the promised joke with us:

He was also up on all the jokes about Jesus and Moses playing golf together. So as we waited to tee off on a par 3, I offered him and our Muslim partner my favorite Jewish golf joke: This threesome is at a public course and the starter comes over and says, “Do you mind if this rabbi plays with you?” They say, “No problem.” The rabbi walks up on the tee with banged-up clubs, a tattered golf bag and a yarmulke instead of a golf hat — but then proceeds to shoot a 69. 

At the end of the round one of the other players asks, “Rabbi, how did you get so good?”

“You have to convert to Judaism,” he answers. So, a year goes by and the same three guys arrange to play with the rabbi again. He shoots another 69, but they all still shoot in the 90s. At the end of the round, one says: “Rabbi, I don’t get it. We all converted like you said, but you still shot 69 and we all still shot in the 90s. What’s wrong?” 

“What synagogue did you get converted at?” the rabbi asks earnestly. 

“Temple Beth Shalom,” they answer in unison.

“Oh no,” says the rabbi. “Temple Beth Shalom? That’s for tennis!”

I dare anyone to compare this actual effort with those randomly generated and identify any difference other than the fact that he uses a long joke as half of this column.  Tom Friedman, mailing it in since the days of the Pony Express. 

Bonus Friday Content - Zurich Zaniness

A delightful morning at the new place, where it finally seems like Spring.  Tomorrow is out opening day event, so it's all real...

All of a sudden everyone's on the band wagon, but where were they when it was wall-to-wall 72-hole stroke play?

NEW ORLEANS — The first round of the Zurich Classic marked a dramatic break from tradition on the PGA Tour, and thank goodness. Instead of just another boring 72-hole

stroke play event we were treated to team play for the first time on Tour since the Walt Disney World National Team Championship in 1981. Even juicier was that, rather than the best-ball format that will be used on Friday and Sunday, the first round (as will the third) featured the quirky, uncomfortable and rarely used alternate-shot format, which demands both teamwork and empathy. Noting how bad it feels to let down your partner, Geoff Ogilvy called alternate shot "a four-hour guilt-trip." No wonder it hasn't made an appearance on Tour since the 1934 Pinehurst Pro-Pro.

Anyone know what's in the water at Golf Magazine these days, as that "break with tradition" is pretty rich.  There's a long history of team events on Tour, in fact one of the events in Byron Nelson's epic 1945 win streak was a team event and, at my first Met. Golf Writers event, Dave Anderson told us that the first golf event he covered was the Miami Fourball at Wykagyl.  

Here's some good stuff on how they paired up and team unis:

This shotgun marriage was atypical in a field that is defined by relationships. Among the 80 teams are those who have enjoyed Ryder Cup success (Justin Rose/Henrik Stenson), Presidents Cup success (Louis Oosthuizen/Branden Grace), sprang from the same lions (Brooks & Chase Koepka), have the same mental coach (Kevin Streelman/Russell Knox), were roommates at a long-ago European tour Q school (Daniel Berger/Thomas Pieters), and share alma maters (too many to list, but LSU boys John Peterson and Andrew Loupe are the local favorites.) Jordan Spieth is here only because his participation in the Zurich was the stakes in a match he lost to Ryan Palmer's caddie James Edmondson, a renowned shark who played college golf at Houston. The team spirit was on display across TPC Louisiana. Keegan Bradely and Brendan Steele both wore all-gray ensembles with black hats, Blixt and Smith were visions in red and white and Spieth and Palmer went with gray and blue. Oosthuizen and Grace matched perfectly in white pants and baby-blue shirts. "It looks good, right?" King Louis asked, desperately seeking validation. "We're here as a team so we want to look that way."

It looks fine, Louis.  Although there are always dissenters:

So does that mean Billy Horschel will be pressing octopi on his partner Matt Every as the tournament wears on? 

"No way," Horschel said. "That is so…well, I can't say the word." 

"Clown stuff," said Jason Dufner, helpfully. He has been mentoring his partner Patton Kizzire ever since he was an undergrad at Auburn, Duf's beloved alma mater. But clearly they won't be breaking out any War Eagle attire in the coming rounds.

I think we can all agree that Billy should never offer his opinion on any other player's outfit.

There's more strategy in alternate shot, but it doesn't happen in front of the camera:

Of more pressing concern was how each team mixed and matched their golf ball. Jason Day plays a high-spin Nike and, given the occasionally breezy conditions, felt it was prudent to play all 18 holes with Rickie Fowler's lower-spinning Titleist. "For him to change to my ball," said Day,"would have been a pretty drastic move, especially trying to keep it down." 

Other teams swapped out their balls on every hole; whichever player was hitting the tee shot would use his own ball and their partner would have to adjust to it on the ensuing shot. Thus Russell Knox employed his Srixon and Kevin Streelman his Titleist. "It wasn't as great as my Srixon golf ball," Knox said, pumping a fist at the plug for his sponsor,"but you can't blame that [for a 73]." Luke Donald plays a Pro V1x while his partner Jamie Lovemark uses a higher-spinning Pro V1, and Donald noted that his playing partner felt his wedge game was off "by a few yards" because of the difference.

And this underrated decision:

Another interesting bit of strategy was choosing which player would tee off on the odd holes and which would take the evens. Brooks Koepka felt his towering irons would be more of an asset on the odd-numbered holes, which featured three brawny par-3s. Since they began on the back nine, that meant his baby brother had to hit the opening tee shot in his PGA Tour debut. Chase, a 23 year-old who has been toiling on the Challenge tour in Europe, smoked a good one, and the Koepka bros went on to shoot 69. "I don't know if people thought I was brining some random dude," said Brooks,"but he's a really good player."

And perhaps word will go out that there's a new sheriff in town:

It didn't come out until Friday that the PGA Tour handed out its first slow-play penalty in 

Campbell

more than two decades during the first round at TPC Louisiana. And in the spirit of the tour's first official team event since 1981, it was a true team effort. 

The Miguel Angel Carballo/Brian Campbell pairing were penalized a shot in their opening round. As alternates, Campbell, a rookie, and Carballo were paired together for the event and were the final group to tee off on Thursday morning, with PGA section pros Kyle Ramey and Phil Schmitt. The group was first put on the clock on the 10th hole, with one of the section pros receiving a bad time on No. 11 at TPC Louisiana. One hole later, Carballo took more than the allotted 40 seconds to play his shot and received a bad time, with Carballo and Campbell being warned that another bad time would result in a penalty. Campbell then got a bad time on the 14th hole.

What, they couldn't find a 14-year old?  It is harsh and one can't help but wish it landed on Ben Crane, but penalty strokes are the only remedy that will change behavior.

Before I move on, Mike Bamberger has an interesting and, highly ironic, take on Tiger.  Here's Mike's nut graph:

The PGA Tour would benefit from more departures from 72-hole stroke-play events.

That’s not just my opinion. Tiger Woods makes the case for new types of events on pages 207 and 208 of his new book about his 12-shot win in the 1997 Masters. He writes, “I would love it if we played a tournament every year where we had to use half a set. Or play with persimmon and balata on a 6,400-yard course. It would be fun for us to do a couple times a year. Low score would still win. The best player would still win.”

And let me add this:

I asked Tiger how he would feel about a regular-season event in which players from the PGA Tour and the LPGA would compete as two-person teams. Woods said, “I think a mixed-team event would be good. I played in the old JCPenney Classic in 1996 with Kelli Kuehne, and we finished, I think, tied for second. We had a lot of fun. [I support] anything to draw positive interest in golf, [anything] that would be good for the game.”

I'm not buying what Mike is peddlin'...  Tiger never had any interest in anything other than 72 holes, low score wins.  And he never looked especially comfortable with his partners in the Ryder and Presidents Cup either.  

He didn't like the Stableford used at Castle Pines, and he never evinced any particular openness to being taken out of his safe space out there,  My Golf Fact Checks rates this claim as Mostly BS.