Weekend Wrap - Willett Happen?

Let's start with the obvious, absolutely no one saw this coming... and I imagine that the professional golf writers shared a problem with me, namely where do you start?

For lack of a better idea, how about Alan Bastable's item title, "Why we should have seen Willett coming?"

As recently as two weeks ago, it wasn't clear if Willett would be in the field at all. His

wife, Nicole, was on the verge of giving birth to a baby boy. Due date: April 10. If the baby didn't come early, Willett had made up his mind: no baby, no Masters. But when Nicole opted to have a c-section in late March, Willett was back on the tee sheet. 

The topic came up when Hobb reconnected with Willett at a practice round at Augusta National earlier this week. The Englishman spoke of how relieved he was that Nicole, who was still back home in Yorkshire, had given birth to a healthy boy. Truth be told, he also was happy to have a little break from fatherhood. 

"Coach," Willett said, "I'm glad to be here, so I can finally get some sleep."

That's a great story, though Alan never really gets to explainin' why we should have seen Willett coming....  Fact is that all serious golf fans knew of him as a player whose fortunes were very much moving in the right direction, one who was, even prior to this week's play, clearly going to be on the Euro team at Hazeltine.  But still.... 

We'll come back to the winner in a bit, but a quick Unplayable Lies shout-out to Warren "Wally", The Great Walloon" Light, who had Willet on a list of three names in a Thursday afternoon text... Of course the other two names were Spieth and Day, so he was confining himself to long-shots.  But you can guess which one he was crowing about early Sunday evening....

As you'd expect, far more ink (more like pixels these days) is being spilled on the runner-up than the winner, with profound shock at the nature of the disaster.  In fact, just as an example, here's how Steph Curry reacted to the news of Jordan's quad:

I'm guessing he had a few sheckels on the line... and something I don't think I've seen before, a Jack Nicklaus condolence tweet:

I think the whole golfing world feels for Jordan Spieth. He had a chance to do something truly special and something very few have done before—and be the youngest to accomplish that—and he just didn’t pull through. My heart goes out to him for what happened, but I know that Jordan is a young man who will certainly learn from this experience and there will be some good that comes out of this for him. He’s a wonderful talent and a wonderful young man.

Did Van de Velde get the same courtesy?  One note I'd like to interject.... Augusta is famed for the roars of it's galleries... you know the drill, how the location and specific nature of the eruptions can tell all.  But in a very few instances over the years, epic fails have been greeted with an eerie stunned silence, such as that on No. 12 yesterday.  My last known memory of that profoundly jolting and memorable discomfort is the last few holes of the '96 event.... not something our Jordan was expecting or desiring.

And what to make of the meltdown?  You guys know by now that my golf predictions are laughably bad....for instance, the guy that I picked to win it all had the pleasure to play with Jeff Knox on Saturday (maybe more on that later).  But I got the essence of Jordan correct this week..... I thought coming in he was making too many loose swings and it all just felt a little off.  I remained skeptical after his bogey-free opening round 66, though he was back to his old tricks with the flat stick.

But I found the finish to his third round beyond baffling... Eerily reminiscent of how Tiger staggered home after the miracle chip on No. 16 in 2005, Jordan was unable to get to the clubhouse.  Strange doings indeed, but then the final round unfolded in a manner perfectly to his liking.  None of the challengers did much early, and our expectation of pyrotechnics from the DJ-JD went unrealized.

I bravely incurred the wrath of our entire golf professional staff when I threw a needed dose of cold water on the Bernhard Langer storyline.... c'mon guys, we've seen this movie countless times before and it always ends in tears.  Just think about how Freddie's putting stroke held up when he was in contention as a fifty-something, and applaud the man for a great few days.  

So, nobody makes a real run and Jordan is golfing his ball.... oh he made a bad swing on No. 5 that resulted in a very typical Masters bogey, but this kid always seems to bounce back with a bird.  This time he reels off four straight birdies and makes the turn with a gaudy five-shot lead.  Even I, a cynci with a capital "C" had to admit that this round he could likely finish off.  In fact, at this moment I use another "C" word, remarking to Employee No. 2 that the back nine was smelling like a coronation.... "Oh, you never know", she sagely responded....

First question, did something happen on the short walk from the ninth green to the tenth tee?  Because that guy that made four straight birdies seems to have headed straight to the carpark... We all know these golf holes intimately, and the significance of the big lead is that one needs to treat the holes with a certain amount of restraint.  The bogeys at Nos. 10 and 11 were of the ominous drip-drip-drip ilk, the recurrence of that bad block swing that plagued him Saturday was troubling, but his decision making seemed intact.  

And then we come to No. 12, with Jordan's once lavish lead now down to a single stroke by virtue of two Willett birdies, though we're unsure what Jordan knew at that point.  Here is the man's explanation of what ensued from his post-apocalypse presser:

Just a lapse of concentration on 12 and it cost me.

Q. How disappointing is this? 

JORDAN SPIETH: Yeah, it's a tough one. I knew the lead was 5 with nine holes to play. And I knew that those two bogeys weren't going to hurt me. But I didn't take that extra deep breath and really focus on my line on 12. Instead I went up and I just put a quick swing on it.

OK, let's first state the obvious....that this is the first know instance of the adjective "quick" being used the describe Jordan this week....  

For as long as I've been conscious of the game of golf and this event, I've been aware of Jack's admonition that you don't go at this traditional Sunday pin.  But we've all seen this rule violated more frequently in recent years, as the lads have spent all that time in the gym and are thereby hitting wee lofted irons into it...  Surely Jack's rule, dating to when five and six-irons were the rule, couldn't still apply?

Back to Spieth:

Q. What did you learn today? 

JORDAN SPIETH: Yeah, I mean just ‑‑ I learned what I learned in 2014. And it's just stay committed. 12 is a 150‑yard shot and I feel I can bleed it next to the hole, and it's a stock 9‑iron for me. But that hole for whatever reason just has people's number. Stay committed behind the bunker. That's about ‑‑ it was really one swing.

Not sure he's quite in touch with the meaning of "learn", because it seems that the concept still eludes him.  Here's Shack's take:

It's amazing to think that the player who prides himself as a tactician and who has proven himself at a young age to out-think a course fell victim to a tride-and-true axiom of Augusta: do not play toward the 12th hole's Sunday pin placement.

Temptation? Pressure? Poor swing? The genius of the 12th? A little of all the above.

Yes, the simplicity of the design is really something, but Jordan's decision making remains baffling, as it did last year in showing up at St. Andrews late Monday.  

Bob Harig has a fun piece, though that's not quite the appropriate adjective, about the history of carnage at this tempting little 3-par:

No doubt. Ask Greg Norman, who 20 years ago saw his Masters dreams swallowed up in Rae's Creek for good when his tee shot went at the flag -- always on the right side on Sunday, always the wrong place to aim -- but landed short and rolled agonizingly back into the water. 

Tom Weiskopf made a 13 there in 1980, recording the highest score ever shot on the hole; Arnold Palmer saw a chance to win a second straight green jacket get wet in 1959 when he couldn't clear the water (it was also the hole of a controversial ruling in 1958 which helped him win his first green jacket). Two-time Masters champion Bubba Watson made a 10 on the 12th in 2013.

Only the first of those was truly significant, but Norman is not the man you want to model your course management skills after.... but the reason there haven't been more, is that most folks have treated it with profound respect.

Back to Jordan:

"We were still right on pace,'' Spieth said. "I just didn't take that extra breath. And I remember getting over the ball thinking I'm going to go ahead and hit a little cut to the hole, and that's what I did in 2014 and it cost me the tournament then, too. 

"That was the right club, just the wrong shot. I was more comfortable hitting a draw with my irons. I knew every time I played a fade this week, that shot kind of came out. The swing just wasn't quite there to produce the right ball flight.''

So, the swing wasn't there but you tried to use it anyway?  There's an odd stubbornness to the young man that's hard to understand.  He's a likable and genuine young man for sure, but maybe this will shake us his brain trust...

So, enough of the sturm und drang, shall we have some fun?  How about the tweeting of the winner's brother Peter?

Thanks, but I could have lived without that specific image... But this echos what many have thought and said:

True that!  I wonder if amid the sympathy, that message will get through....

Martin Kaufman is preaching to the choir with this scathing review of the CBS broadcast.  But as far as his lede goes, I'm forced to dissent:

Rather than covering the tournament and showing as much golf and as many golfers as possible, CBS put all of its chips on Spieth. That was the story that CBS wanted to tell: the popular young American star marching to his second consecutive Masters title. But then Spieth faltered, and Willett swooped in, seized the green jacket and spoiled the CBS narrative. 

Officials at Augusta National and CBS can talk all they want about showing only four minutes of commercials each hour. But if you’re not going to show the vast majority of the field, then the production itself is not much different than a regular Tour event.

To be fair, given that all we're talking about this morning is Spieth, it's hard to argue that they focused on him excessively.... should they show more of the golf?  Absolutely.... but Spieth was the major plot line.

But this is a drum I've been beating pretty regularly:

Eight months ago, CBS Sports president Sean McManus touted his network’s use of 

Is there a golf hole that needs ProTracer more than the 13th?

technology after the PGA Championship. And leading into the Masters, much of the talk was about CBS’ limited use of 4K cameras on Amen Corner. OK, fine. 

Beyond that, however, the Masters was noteworthy for its lack of even the most basic technology, such as Protracer. And for all of the talk about the hills and slopes and wild undulations on Augusta National’s greens, we never see any 3-D hole graphics. 

Similarly, for all of the talk of high winds on Saturday, did we ever see a wind gauge?

Here’s something odd: Sky Sports and the BBC use Protracer and 3-D graphics in their Masters coverage for U.K. viewers. Why is the coverage overseas more sophisticated than what we see in the U.S.?

That's something of which I was not aware.... as the constraints on the broadcast I'd always understood to be dictated by the club.  If the standards are different for the Euro rights, that baffles me.  You all know the story of CBS and the endless one-year contracts, but perhaps they need to push back a little?

Kaufman has many good insights, including his analysis of Dottie Pepper's rocky performance.  But ANGC does not allow them to employ on-course reporters, and it remains inexplicable.  I always use the Bubba miracle gap wedge from 2012 as my proxy for this, as at the time he hit that shot we had no knowledge of where he was, his yardage in, his line to the pin or the club he pulled.  All of that knowledge came after the fact, and one can only wonder why they find this preferable.

I suspect you'll agree with this, though:

Jim Nantz is an outstanding NFL and college basketball play-by-play man, but I find the reverent, even patrician, tone he adopts for golf, particularly at Augusta National, to be exhausting. 

Here’s an example: On Saturday, Jim Nantz referred to Michael Greller as Spieth’s “esteemed caddie.” Let’s be clear on this: Arnold Palmer is esteemed. 

Jack Nicklaus? Esteemed. 

Tom Watson? Esteemed. 

Michael Greller? Nice fellow, but not esteemed.

Especially when you let your man fire at the pin on No. 12... but treacly is the word that comes to this minds.  It's descended into parody at this point.

In other stuff, or udder stuff as we say around here:

The legend of Jeff Knox grows...word is he played Bubba about even on Saturday.  No word on how long his Sunday round with Kevin na took, but the man is 53 and can't reach half the Par-4's in two.

A nice tribute to Tom Watson:

I'm not well versed in his ouvre, but I'd have pegged him as more of a Rickie fan...

Sky Sports created an #askmonty hashtag, and hilarity ensued.  This was inevitable:

 Monty captained a Ryder Cup team?  Who knew?  But these were just curious:

And cranky old man of the week is lee Trevino, who had this contribution to the week:

“There were just too many rules for me,” Trevino said. “If you go there now and try to

use a cellphone they will kick you out, even if you are using it in the parking lot or on the driving range. The players can’t even use them on the driving range. Have you heard one of them complain yet? No, because they are gutless. 

“If they went to the U.S. Open and the U.S. Open told them they couldn’t use their cellphones on the driving range they would raise all kinds of hell. They’re scared to death.”

Really, Lee?  An old timer like you is going to the barricades over cellphones?   Maybe it's not so bad that they unplug for a bit?

At The Quarter Pole

It would be hard to think of a more eventful first round of any tournament.... we laughed, we cried and we asked repeatedly, "What the hell is in the water down there."  We had the good, the bad and the ugly.... and I'm not sure any of those cover Ernie.

Where to start?  I guess at the top:

On Thursday, the defending champion was ragged until he got inside 100 yards, perhaps due to playing a new driver after his old one cracked on the practice range Wednesday. Yet the closer Spieth got to the hole, the more magnificent his play as he claimed the lead at the end of day at the Masters for the sixth time in nine rounds. 

“I got a lot out of what I thought was an averagish round,” Spieth said after posting a score of par or lower for the ninth straight round at Augusta National—which is all the competitive rounds he has played here. 

“I’d put it up there with one of the great rounds I’ve scored,” Spieth said, distinguishing between playing great and scoring great.

He made quite a save on No. 1, and the round might have been a completely different story had that not gone down.  I'm still a bit skeptical about Jordan this week but, then again, I had Bubba.  He'll need to play cleaner golf going forward, but no doubt he made a statement.

Friend and loyal reader Mark W. wrote this morning to tout Justin Rose, and I quite agree that that's the name from the chase pack that jumps out at me....  With the wind forecast through Saturday, the guys that flush it should do well.

But this was a day that will be remembered for its epic fails.... and on that score it's quite the tasting menu.  First there were the pre-tourney favorites who got out of the gate well....

None more so than Jason Day, who torched the front-nine (the far more difficult nine on which to score) for a 5-under 31....  He walked off No. 14 at 4-under and somewhere on the short trip to the 15th tee his pact with the devil lapse.  The best and hottest golfer on the planet proceeded to play the nest two holes in 6-6, the latter one of the more inexplicable triple you'll ever see....

The shot on No. 16 was beyond bad, given that the target was twenty feet right of the pin.... That sound you hear is the air escaping from the Jason Day balloon.  His 31-41-72 is not one you'll see often...though that's a very competitive category.

Then there was my pick, the Bubbameister.... yeah, you know this ends in tears.  But he was cruising at 3-under through the eighth hole, and then... well, it's Bubba, so who knows what happened?  Perhaps a patron looked at him inappropriately or he was off his meds, but it got ugly very quickly.

Bubba is considered a magician out there, and yesterday was certainly proof, as he turned a 69 into a 75 without breaking a sweat.... Good times, eh Bubba?

But these guys are pikers compared to our Rickie.  Fowler had plenty of support coming into this

event, and his stock rose higher when folks saw the windy forecast.  But having seen his posted score I wondered about this header:

Rickie Fowler started the 2016 Masters with a roller-coaster first round

But it's actual a reasonable summary, a sour Rickie shot 80 while making three early birdies.  To do that he need two doubles and a triple, the rainbow coalition of scorecards.  And, for those keeping score at home, that was a nice, tight 44 on the back nine...Day and Bubba beat Rickie by three on the back side.  So, they've got that going for them....

Rickie showed his typical social media props, tweeting that he shot 80 to commemorate the 80th Masters.... 

I'll also add Rory to this litany for failing to seize the opportunity... a great two-putt on No. 15 to get to four-under, and then two late bogeys to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.  

But then there's Ernie....and what can a humble blogger add to that which you've already seen?  This game can take an awful toll on those that play it, but nothing is worse than what it can do to those that play it at the highest level.  

Ernie has had a couple of well-documented putting mishaps recently, so he and his fans have been put on notice.  But nothing can really prepare you for the events on the first green yesterday, and it's not for the faint of heart.  First question:  It was initially reported as a ten (a nice seven-jack) and later corrected to a nine... anyone know how that went down?

here's the only video I can find of it, and I don't recommend you view it if you ever intend on playing golf again:

But this bit of context makes it even worse:

What's not seen in the video is Els' delay before hitting his first putt. Fans around the green said Els backed off the first putt three times before his caddie gave him a pep talk. Obviously, it didn't work.

This tweet from Brian Wacker captured the moment well, including Ernie's class:

True that!  He handled the earlier ones equally well, but this was one we'll be seeing for year.  I saw a quote on Morning Drive from Ernie where he spoke of having the heebie jeebies.... Alas, that's an incorrect diagnosis, and Ernie and everyone else knows that this is what he's contracted.  Condolences to the family are in order....

In other loose ends, Shack grabbed a couple of amusing items from The Ancient Tweeter:

My picks were so uncanny that no doubt you're dying for a Friday preview....  The wind is still blowing and you'll want to catch a look at Billy Horschel's pants.  The latter are the sartorial equivalent of Ernie's six-putt.

Lastly, we've moved on from our Masters scripting, but I had seen this but then couldn't find it to post.  If you're going to script your outfits, you might as well show how Sunday's togs go with green:

Hmmmm...red on Sunday?  I've seen that somewhere before....

Masters Wednesday

So, who do you like?  I mean in the Par-3 of course...

Tuesday in Augusta is devoted to the "P's", that being pairings and pressers....

As for the former, Joel Beall dissects the seven most interesting pairings for Thursday-Friday, beginning with this first group of dewsweepers:

Honorary Starters

There are two types of people in this world: People that get emotional watching the opening ceremony, and those without a soul. 

The distinguished event has a touch of melancholy this year, as Arnold Palmer will be unable to tee it up. Still, the King will be on the first tee alongside Jack Nicklaus and Gary Player, maintaining this Masters tradition as one of the tentpoles of the week.

OK, I don't see anyone in that group contending, but I would have said the same in '86...Joel's item basically covers the major contenders, and are notable mostly for the lack of imagination.

In an "Only at Augusta" moment is the fact that Rory is in the final group off at 2:01 p.m., and you won't see that at a weekly Tour stop.  And Jim Herman, last week's winner, got himself an early tee time in a 2-ball with Steven Bowditch.  That will be fine on Thursday, but when they flip the field on Friday will they play behind the 3-ball pack?  Or will we see our old friend Jeff Knox fill out the group and inevitably win the Nassau?

We're blessed with an abundance of young talent, and fortunately these young 'uns are also engaging personalities...  this unbylined piece captures the best of the pressroom, including this:

Phil Mickelson, he of the aforementioned "shot dispersion," acknowledged both he and playing partner Bryson DeChambeu were prone to excessive analysis, which was amusing to Dustin Johnson. 

"Bryson and I were talking about some of the science of an uphill putt and a downhill putt and the break and why it's most from this point and that point and so forth. He was using some pretty scientific terms and Dustin kind of shook his head and he said, 'If I hang around you guys much longer, I'll never break 100.'"

Would you be surprised to know that Bryson DeChambeau kept the cynical, ink-stained wretches rapt?  Get this:

Besides the 10 rounds he played at Augusta prior to this week’s event, and staying in the

Crow’s Nest on Monday night, the reigning U.S. Amateur and NCAA champion has given his irons -- made famous for all being the same length and weight -- Augusta-themed nicknames. 

For instance, his 60-degree wedge he calls King, a reference to the Masters champ from 1960, Arnold Palmer. 

And his 55-degree wedge is known to him and his caddie as Mr. Ward, low amateur at the 1955 Masters and a former U.S. Amateur champ. 

But that’s just he start. His 50-degree wedge is Jimmy, after 1950 Masters winner Jimmy Demaret and his 46-degree pitching wedge is Herman, after 1946 winner Herman Kaiser.

How many 22-year-olds know of Harvie Ward?  But really, Bryson, you can call the club Harvie... and by the way, Dear reader, if YOU don't know who Harvie Ward was, how is it you've not read The Match?

 And did you know of this precedent for Bryson's idiosyncratic iron set?

DeChambeau reverence for Jones only increased the first time that he played Augusta National last December. It was then that he learned that he wasn’t the only former U.S. Amateur champion to believe in the benefit of playing with all the same length clubs. 

“I went into the trophy room my first time here, had some breakfast and I looked over,” DeChambeau recalled. “As I went in, I looked to the left and I saw this set of golf clubs and I knew that they were Mr. Jones because they all looked relatively the same length, and it was a pretty special moment. Because we’d always heard that story, never verified it. But when I actually got to go up to that case and I looked in, I went, Oh my goodness, they all look really close to the same length. It inspired me even more. It was gratifying to our journey.”

Of course those were hickory shafts, as Jones retired from competitive golf before the introduction of steel shafts.

Of minimal import but great amusement is this Guy Yocum account of the Ken Green-Seve pairing in the final round of the 1989 Masters:

But not Seve, at this moment. Knowing that Green may very well be the man he had to beat that day, Seve pegged his ball up against the right-hand tee marker, inches from Green’s bright-green golf shoes that were his trademark. Pressing up against that marker made no sense, because Seve obviously planned to hit a big draw around the corner. Why would he tee up against the right-hand marker and not the left? 

The answer, which immediately became clear in the ensuing interaction between Ballesteros and Green, was that Seve wanted Green to move. Upon teeing his ball, Seve looked at Green expectantly, with just the hint of a glare. He clearly was beseeching—demanding, without saying anything—that Green reposition himself. He wanted Green to move, to voluntarily relocate himself. It would be an act of deference on Green’s part. Seve’s haughty, I’m-the-boss body language seemed to imply an intention to establish psychological dominance over Green, a move which happened more frequently in that rough-hewn era than now. One top player admitted to me once that after an opponent walked to the tee to hit, he sometimes would station himself on the line between the tee and his opponent’s bag, so the opponent had to walk around the player to get back to his bag after he hit. 

Seve knew these tricks. For him, these bits of gamesmanship—coughing on backswings, moving his feet as another player hit, etc. were normal. It was just the way he played, and everyone, then and now, knew it. 

Green, instantly gleaning what Seve was up to, didn’t budge. In fact, he didn’t even acknowledge the look Seve was giving him. Green looked down, saw Seve’s ball pegged 10 inches away from his shoes, stared at it for five seconds, then swiveled his head and returned his gaze to the fairway.

Seve was a bastard, but a talented and entertaining one...  but that might be the high point of Ken Green's career.

Slim Pickings - As if...it's one of those great wide-open years and I've gone with Bubba.  Now I went with Bubba before I knew about his illness and the wind, but so be it.

The Tour Confidential panel went strongly for Jason Day, though this guy mirrored my logic:

Jeff Ritter: It's an even-numbered year, so give me a parlay of the Giants to win the World Series and Bubba Watson to take another green jacket. Bubba has a win and has otherwise looked great this year, and Augusta has become his playground.

Plus, I'm not completely sure, but I think this course might suit Bubba's fickle eye...

Tom Watson seems quite sure that Rory is "The Guy" this week..... Has he watched much golf recently?

Alex Myers did hear about the wind in the forecast, and his pick reflects that....ya got go with the short guys if it's a blowin'....

And this guy is picking the am, but check his title before you over-interpret it.

Masters Dreams - I love the fact that there's a guy named Schmitz in the field (h/t Maggot):

Schmitz earned his invitation to the Masters by winning the U.S. Mid-Amateur on one of 

Par-3 Caddie bibs for his young daughters.

the most improbable shots in USGA history. (We'll get to that in a bit.) He is a regional sales director for a health care company, and his wife Natalie is a nurse; they were facing considerable medical bills after their two young daughters were hospitalized with RSV, the respiratory virus that impacts many children before they turn 2. The donating strangers chipped in $25,000 in two and a half days before the Schmitzes stopped the fundraising effort for fear of ending up with far more money than they needed.

If you don't remember the shot, just click through.... But this is my favorite Masters Dream of the week:

Four-time PGA TOUR Champions winner Esteban Toledo has never played in the Masters. 

In fact, he has never been to the Masters. 

That will change next month. 

Toledo, who won the Allianz Championship last month fighting off such players as Bernhard Langer, Colin Montgomerie and Billy Andrade, has spent the past two years offering to caddie for two Masters-eligible players who compete on PGA TOUR Champions. 

One finally bit.

Goof for Sandy Lyle, but this quote sums it up:

“It’s unbelievable. It’s incredible. Before I die, I just wanted to experience Augusta National,” Toledo said Monday as he stood behind the Clubhouse in his caddie jumpsuit with Lyle’s bag still on his shoulders.

I'll be on the bag if Kent ever makes it....  I know, anyone have Sandy Lyle's cell number?

If you're still counting down the hours until balls are in the air tomorrow, I can help you with this David Owen piece about Clifford Roberts and the range balls (and no, I haven't opened his history of the Masters, perhaps next year) and this Shack slideshow from the merchandise tent.  Though this item is strangely not available there:

And this slide show of the nine things Augusta's mujaheddin forbid discussion of seems to avoid the elephant n the room:

How difficult the course is

Augusta National is one of the few courses to have never been given an official course rating by the USGA. Its members actually use their own system developed by co-founder Cliff Roberts. However, Golf Digest had Dean Knuth, former USGA senior director and inventor of the rating system, evaluate the course on his own in 2009. He came up with a course rating of 78.1 and a slope of 137.

That slope, which is lower than Willow Ridge's, seems awfully low.... but while there are some bogey golfers in the field, it's OK if they don't post.

But there's little doubt the the one subject that has always been off-limits is the death of the aforementioned Clifford Roberts.  Go here for the story, of which this is the lede:

At Augusta, even the suicides have to be perfect. Clifford Roberts was the image-maker, the co-founder of the club, who liked everything so neat and tidy that it contrasted with reality. He walked out on to the course, pulled a revolver and killed himself, but not before visiting the clubhouse barber for a haircut.

The location was perfect. Roberts, 84, his short back and sides as prim as the greens, knew where he could turn the gun on himself with the minimum of fuss. By firing on the par-three course beside a pond, he ensured that he ended it all in the easiest place for his staff to clean up afterwards.

Enjoy the best week in golf.  The extent of my blogging will be weather-dependent.... New York weather, that is.

All Things Augusta

It's been a hectic few days, so better late than never let's focus on the Big One.

Trophy Lives - It's easy to take the event too seriously, so lets' start with this amusing trifle, an Augusta Chronicle article on where former champions keep their trophies.  Here's the set-up:

Every champion has received a gold medal, and since 1993 the winner has gotten a

sterling replica of the permanent Masters Trophy, which depicts Augusta National’s clubhouse. 

Champions who won before 1993 were offered a chance to buy replicas, but not all did. 

The Augusta Chronicle tracked down where the champions keep their trophy. While most are kept in the golfer’s home, how each is displayed might surprise you.

Isn't that a hoot?  These folks have more money than God, but they can be strangely frugal at times as well... Ummm, Mr. Hogan, that'll be $29.95 for the replica trophy, plush shipping and handling of course.

There's the usual shrines of course, but this one jumped out at me:

“If I tell you where it is you’re gonna think I’m crazy, but it actually just sits on a counter at my home,” Zach Johnson said. “I’m not very sentimental. I might eventually loan it to my home course in Iowa for a year or let other places display it that have meant a lot to me.”

There's even a fun sidebar that goes as far back as Byron Nelson.  

Bones Unplugged - Jim McCabe scores an interview with the world's most famous porter, and he comes across about as you'd expect (which, to be clear, is a good thing).  Like many of us, he's most emotional when speaking of his first:

Don’t ask him to separate the emotions he felt in 2004, ’06 and ’10 when Mickelson won, because they all resonate. But, OK, fine, “in 2004 there was one word to describe what I felt, it was relief,” Mackay said. “The pressure Phil had felt (for being without a major victory) was staggering.” 

Best memory from that electrifying back-nine 31 that lifted Mickelson to a one-stroke win? Has to be the birdie Lefty made at the par-3 16th. 

“I was trying to be the calm, low-key caddie, even though my heart was racing,” Mackay said. The putt pulled Mickelson even with Ernie Els, but as the caddie fought to keep his composure, “Phil hit me pretty hard in the butt with the putter and said, ‘Let’s go make another one.’ I nearly jumped out of my skin. It was cool.”

We always remember our first.... Bones seems talkative these days, as this youn g lady scored quite the get:

Will Phil win again at Augusta?  How would I know, I'm the guy that picked Lexi Thompson last Sunday morning...  He's no doubt playing better, but have you seen the field?

Bet With Your Head... - Joel Beall takes us through his favorite prop bets for this week, such as:

Who will the winner hug first? (Excluding their caddie) Child (+450), Parent

(+1000), Wife/Girlfriend (+125), Wife holding child (+165), No hug (+1200) 

No hug? What type of heartless bastard created this? 

No winner in mind? The wife/girlfriend avenue in a safe route. If you do have a particular player, watch his past victories on YouTube to see how the celebrations commence. 

Note: For those circling Jason Day, put ALL the money on the child wager.

Upon further review, perhaps Dash is a better name than it seemed...

Rhymes With... - Well, glory for instance, though worry seems more to the point....  Nike has rolled out a new Enjoy the Chase ad campaign, and here's their Alpha-dog's example:

Fair enough, though I'd have thought that he'd go left-hand-low for the chopping vegetable thing as well....  We kid because we love, but I've seen nothing that makes me think Rory will be a factor this week.  Oh he'll hit the usual assortment of spectacular shots, but he'll miss the odd four-footer as well.  Also, the even four-footer, and all on the left....

And this isn't helpful:

Because of this crowd, as well as not winning a PGA Tour event since May of last year, Rory McIlroy has been suspiciously overshadowed. Quite the 180-degree turn from last season, when Rory, off consecutive major titles at Liverpool and Valhalla, entered the Masters as golf's conquering hero. 

Yet, any worries that McIlroy was going under the radar were diminished during Monday's practice round, as the 26-year-old recorded a hole-in-one on Augusta National's 16th hole. 

Peaking on Monday isn't how it's done.  But at least he didn't have to putt....

other versions of the Nike ads can be seen here.

1986 - If you've watched five minutes of Golf Channel recently, you're tired of the hawking of the documentary celebrating Jack's improbable sixth tile thirty years ago.  John Strege uses this header to advise us to tune in:

Golf Channel's Jack Nicklaus documentary: Yes, sir!, you should watch

 Oh, I see what he did there.....clever man.  There's some good anecdotes in there and yeah, you should watch the documentary I'm sure.  But we went through this five years ago and if you're enough of a golf nerd to read my musings, you probably know all about the newspaper clipping on the fridge, the spike mark on No. 12, the cocky "It is" comment on the 16th tee as well....

Of far greater interest to me is this offering:

Watch it unfold in real time here.  

Rebooting a Classic - The appeal of a pimento cheese sandwich escapes me, excluding perhaps the price charged.  But Arby's comes to the rescue, adding the one ingredient that can make anything palatable:

Bacon:  Is there anything it can't do?

We'll get a little more serious as the week progresses.

Weekend Wrap - The Lydia Files

Just finished the Dinah Shore Kraft Nabisco Lydia Invitational on tape delay, and those inappropriate feelings are running amok.  But really, who could blame me...

The Wee Ice Ma'am - The Wee Ice Mon is one of the monikers the Scots gave Ben Hogan during his one trip across the pond in 1953, and I think it readily adheres to the Wee Kiwi...  Here's the game account:

RANCHO MIRAGE, Calif. (AP) Lydia Ko took advantage of Ariya Jutanugarn's late

collapse to win the ANA Inspiration on Sunday for her second straight major victory and second LPGA Tour win a row. 

The top-ranked Ko hit an 88-yard wedge shot to a foot on the par-5 18th to set up her winning birdie - and an unlikely victory leap into Poppie's Pond. She closed with a 3-under 69 to finish at 12 under.

''This is an unbelievable moment,'' Ko said before jumping into the pond.

There's nothing particularly wrong with that account, though it ignores how Lydia kept herself in it with a series of clutch par putts.  Tiger famously won with his "C-game", well Lydia's game yesterday was no better than a B-.  She didn't hit anything close all day, and left herself with some really nasty up-and-downs, all of which she converted.

Randall Mell provides the perspective:

She’s still only 18, but Ko’s already leaving us wondering if there’s anything she won’t be able to do in the women’s game before she’s finished. 

With her clutch wedge to a foot for a closing birdie that proved to be the decisive stroke, Ko claimed her second consecutive major championship. Six months after winning the Evian Championship and becoming the youngest major championship winner in the history of women’s golf, she’s now the youngest to win two of them. 

At 18 years, 11 months and 10 days old, Ko is an old soul in golf. She has already won 17 professional events around the world, 12 of them LPGA titles. That’s three worldwide this year, with back-to-back titles now on the LPGA tour.

This one comes without an asterisk, however....Not only is the Evian the fifth of four, but it's contested on an extremely short track.  The Dinah is a big-girl course, and this means that Lydia has now grown into a woman that can compete anywhere.

Now the only thing requiring additional work?  That would be this:

Uh Lydia, only little girls cover their mouths.... But love Jason Hamilton's form.  And I suspect that Lydia will have future opportunities to hone this specific skill.

But a word for the unfortunate Ariya Jutanugarn, who seemed impervious to nerves...at least until not.  Not only is she a very good player that has overcome injuries, but I loved her body language and attitude as it spun out of control.  There was the head on her caddie's shoulder after the bogey on No. 17, but I particularly liked her consoling her caddie after the duck-hook into the water on the finisher sealed the deal.  It's just a brutal game we play, but she'll do well I'm sure.

The Hermanator - I didn't watch a single minute of it, and didn't even check leaderboards, because it's Houston.  But this is really a nice story:

HUMBLE, Texas (AP) Jim Herman delivered a masterful performance at just the right

time Sunday in the Shell Houston Open. 

Herman, winless in 105 previous starts on the PGA Tour, chipped in for birdie on the par-3 16th and finished with two solid pars for a 4-under 68 and a one-shot victory that sends him to the Masters for the first time in his career. 

Herman tapped in for par and thrust both fists in the air after his one-shot victory over Henrik Stenson. 

''Sorry for the tears, but I'm pretty happy,'' Herman said in his TV interview. ''We really did a good job keeping our game plan. We wanted to give ourselves as many birdie chances as we could and keep it low stress. And geez, look what happened. Never thought it was possible.''

You just never know in this game, do you?  And heads will be exploding as Donald Trump gets an assist:

Herman talked at length after his round about Trump cutting him a check and supporting his efforts to play the PGA Tour.

Growing The Game, For Real - Shack sings the praises of the Drive Chip & Putt, and, well, he was there... 

Just like its world famous big brother, the Drive, Chip and Putt Championship is both a

television show and celebratory garden party. Except, given the demographic of the participants, more like the coolest backyard birthday party. Ever. 

Like all things Augusta National, the genius of the “DCP” is in the little details you won’t see on television. And that’s just fine. Just as CBS does with the Masters, let Golf Channel send out the pretty pictures and tell the often amazing stories of the participants aged 7 to 15. Then save the little stuff for those lucky enough to get on the immaculate grounds. Because in a strange way, the experience for the kids, their families and those inspired by the skill on display has proven to be something that can truly only be appreciated in person.

It's an obvious rip-off of the old Punt, Pass & Kick, but who cares?  The brilliance of it to me is captured in the photo above...  The venue is of course perfect, but if they had picked a Sunday morning in February it may not have lasted until its third installment....  Fortunately they were clever enough to slot it in as the kick-off to the Masters, and the pros have embraced it.

I'm agnostic about the extent to which this will help grow the game....  Not negative, as this is exactly the kind of thing that the governing bodies should be doing.  Eighty boys and girls just had the experience of a lifetime, and that can'r possibly be a bad thing...  

From here on it'll be wall-to-wall, flood the zone Masters coverage.....

Sunday, Snowy Sunday

It's a Bizarro World Sunday....a powder day were I in Park City.  Let's continue t catch up, shall we?

Dinah Stuff - We give the gals top-billing, because no one else will... But it's quite the little tourney they have going, notably including late fireworks from one of their big guns:

Lexi Thompson rallied Saturday to put herself in position for a run at another victory

leap into Poppie's Pond. For most of the warm afternoon at Mission Hills, it looked as if her new big-headed putter might end up in the drink — or in a twisted heap in the nearest garbage can. 

Overcoming her struggles on the greens, Thompson made two late birdies and curled in a 15-foot eagle putt on the par-5 18th hole to take a one-stroke lead into the final round of the ANA Inspiration.

Lexi looked like she was going nowhere the entire day, in it's own way quite the testament to her patience.   And the chase pack has it's appeal as well:

Top-ranked Lydia Ko, In Gee Chun and Ariya Jutanugarn were tied for second, and fifteen players were within four strokes of each at the top of the leaderboard. 

Ko shot a 69, a day after fighting allergies that led to vision problems. On Friday, she continually changed her contact lenses, irritating her left eye to the point that she said she was "one-eye blind." 

"I was a little worried about my eye, but it was great today," Ko said.

So close....as Lydia was dealing with the allergies and the affect on her contact lenses, for a brief moment I thought we might have one last week of Lydia in the beloved glasses, but it's not to be....I'll be OK....I think.

I would have loved a Lexi-Lydia pairing, though they'd have only been in the same camera frame on the tees and greens.  But it would be a priceless tutorial on the differing ways to get around such a long (for the ladies) golf course.  It no doubt favors the bomber, but it's a welcome sign that Lydia can be competitive despite her length disadvantage.  I'm thinking that Sahalee's narrow corridors should suit her when the KPMG event is there in a few weeks.

And Michelle Wie seems to have played three consecutive rounds of golf withour hurting herself, so we've got that going for us...

 Tiger Stuff - As sophisticated consumers of golf news, you've taken in the Friday news dump. to wit:

"After assessing the present condition of my back, and consulting with my medical team, I've decided it's prudent to miss this year's Masters," Woods said in the statement. 

"I've been hitting balls and training daily, but I'm not physically ready. I've said all along that this time I need to be cautious and do what's best for my long-term health and career. Unfortunately, playing Augusta next week wouldn't be the right decision. I'm absolutely making progress, and I'm really happy with how far I've come, but I still have no timetable to return to competitive golf.

That "no timetable" has an ominous ring to it no doubt,  but he seems to be risking the alienation of his core constituency.  Shack had this:

However, we know the circumstantial evidence suggests Tiger drew out this inevitable decision for reasons only he knows. 

Perhaps resisting the urge to tell the folks at Augusta National he can't play keeps him motivated to train and hit balls, even when he has to know that showing up cold at a major after two surgeries is a terrible idea. 

Perhaps he just enjoys the idea that everyone is talking about him, wondering when he'll return? But as I noted in the Forward Press this week, this news is now only of interest to casual fans. Serious golf viewers have moved on.

It's not you, Tiger, it's us....  Luke- Kerr-Dineen differs, noting that Tiger remains at the top of his game:

But outside of all that let’s just appreciate the mastery of the manner in which Tiger announced this news: 8 p.m. on a Friday that also happens to be April Fools’ Day? He may not be teeing it up at Augusta National this year, but rest assured, he’s perfected the art of the Friday news dump.

Well played, Sir!  Though I'm one of those serious golf fans of which Geoff spoke.

But the entree is Alan Shipnuck's Sports Illustrated cover story with the seemingly simple title, "What Happened?"  There's nothing simple about unraveling that mystery and I've got some quibbles about Alan's reporting, but there's enough in there to hold your interest....

Let me first get my biggest concern about the piece out of the way:

Woods's honesty between the ropes came into question after he committed three serious

rules infractions in 2013. The most troubling incident occurred during the second round of the BMW Championship. At the 1st hole his ball settled in a grove of trees, atop twigs and leaves. While clearing the loose impediments, the ball moved. Woods hesitated, recoiled his hand and immediately stepped away but said nothing to his playing partners, Scott and Henrik Stenson. It was caught on video, and in a postround meeting with Tour officials Woods explained that he thought his ball had "oscillated" and returned to its exact same position, which would not have been a penalty. 

When Scott and Stenson viewed the replays, they had no doubt it was a penalty. "It's obvious the ball moved a little bit," says Scott. Adds Stenson, "Like everyone else I saw the footage, and it seemed quite clear his ball had moved." 

In his heated discussion with rules official Slugger White, Woods refused to accept what was apparent to the rest of the world. Over Tiger's protestations, White imposed a two-stroke penalty. For many in golf this moment was window into Woods's soul. He had long been celebrated as a sportsman; now, had he become so desperate to regain his former standing he was willing to commit golf's cardinal sin and break the rules? As always with Woods, there are questions but no definitive answers. But whether it was a kindergarten tale or a misadventure in the trees, it was now clear in the aftershocks of the sex scandal that Tiger would no longer be entitled to his own set of facts.

I'm operating solely from memory here, but this seems to be quite the distortion of what actually happened.  What Shipnuck fails to make clear is that the movement of the ball could not be seen on the replay in real time, but only when the high-speed video slowed it down... and the context of those Stenson and Scott comments seems to me to make quite the difference.

Tiger was quite churlish in not acknowledging that the ball moving on high-speed video was apparent, but Shipnuck's implication that Tiger was trying to cheat seems off the mark.  Tiger has long had a chip on his shoulder about being held to a higher standard than other players because his every move is on camera, and it directly supports the basic premise of the article, which is captured here (Haney is speaking of Tiger's return at the 2006 U.S. Open after Earl's passing):

"That's one interpretation," Hank Haney said in a recent interview. "I see it a little differently. That was the only time in his career there were no expectations, the one time he had an excuse to not be Tiger Woods. I think this guy was already tired of living in his life, and here comes a free pass to not be Tiger Woods for a week. He jumped on it so fast it's unbelievable."

Alan, if you're going to accuse Tiger of cheating, this is the far better instance.  

You'll want to read the entire piece, as there's so much there that might be new to you.  Admittedly you'll learn more about Earl than you may have wanted to know, but it's hard to argue that it's not relevant considering what ensued for his son... and how prescient was this (from 1995 after Tiger's second of three U.S. Amateur titles)?

A couple of hours later Tiger's father, Earl, was at a victory party. Intoxicated by the moment, and perhaps his champagne, he said, "I'm going to make a prediction. Before he's through, my son will win 14 major championships." 

It was an interesting number, given that Nicklaus had always been the family measuring stick. Perhaps Earl knew that the great Bobby Jones had won 13 majors, and that exceeding this total had been Nicklaus's lifelong goal. When he did, the Bear fell into a period of ennui before he went back to rewriting the record books. Did the number 14 set Tiger on the path to greatness or somehow stunt an endless future? Earl had a knack for predicting the future, but even he couldn't have known all that awaited his boy. Yet on a long ago night in Newport he had already seen enough. "To my son, Tiger," Earl said, raising the Amateur trophy in a toast. "One of the greatest golfers in the history of the United States."

He was certainly that....

Bryson Stuff -  This Jim Nantz interview is well worth your time, though I'm not sure he's doing the young man any favors here:

Casey Reamer, the head pro at Cypress Point and a mentor to Bryson, asked if I would speak to him about the history of the Masters. It was an amazing two hours. He asked every question imaginable about every significant player in Masters history, with an emphasis on tales of amateurs such as Billy Joe Patton, Frank Stranahan, Ken Venturi and Charlie Coe. I have DVDs of all the recent Masters, and Bryson asked to borrow them, not for entertainment so much as to study hole locations, how putts break, where players were laying up on the par 5s. This young man is obsessed with winning the Masters as an amateur. His mind works in a unique, scientific way. It all reminded me of Bert Yancey and how he constructed clay models of the greens at Augusta and studied them. It wouldn't surprise me at all to see this young man contend.

he is a fascinating young man and obviously not one to do things as others always have, but contending?  This year?  Kind of a big ask, no?

 But there's also news on the lad's equipment, which is always interesting:

Bryson DeChambeau, the world’s No. 1 amateur who will play in next week’s Masters,

used a customized, same-length set of Cobra King Forged MB irons for the first time at the 19th annual Georgia Cup on Tuesday. 

DeChambeau previously used a set of highly specialized, same-length Edel irons, with which he won last year’s U.S. Amateur and NCAA Championship. He had put a new set of the Edel irons in play in March at the PGA Tour’s Arnold Palmer Invitational before trying out the Cobra irons. 

DeChambeau is expected to turn pro after the Masters and play the RBC Heritage, which starts April 14.

I'd expect an endorsement deal to be announced right after the Masters, as it's no easy thing to create a set of irons for this man.

Equipment Stuff -  A couple of quick notes on those in the know hinting that perhaps the powers that be have lost control of the game.  First, the estimable Barney Adams:

A shorter-flying ball brings dozens, if not hundreds of great venues back into play for our nation’s championship. The USGA can give all kinds of altruistic reasons, but the reason I use to justify is the media. Each venue is a repository for stories on how it will be played with a shorter ball that spins more. The stories, the build up, the after stories about next year’s course… one objective, the No. 1-rated major golf tournament.

See, I'm old enough to remember when the hope was that the mujaheddin at Augusta National would save us by using a tourney ball.  I think the USGA has made it very clear that, while they covet the Masters' TV ratings, they don't have the cujones to take on the equipment industry.

Adam Scott comes at it from the alternative angle in this interview:

BW: If you were equipment czar of the game for a day, running the USGA and R&A, what would you change? 

AS: I think it's possible that you could make an argument for having different equipment rules for us than the amateurs. I think that's almost logical to do that. I’d re-implement anchored putting because until I'm given facts that it actually is a game-improver, performance-enhancer, then I'm going to have to say I'd put it back in. Maybe driver head size is something I'd look at. That’s a massive difference now. When I was a kid, pulling the driver out of the bag was a concern, like you're going to have to make a great swing to hit a good drive. Now it's the go-to club. It's the most forgiving club we have. That's a huge difference in how you get off the tee to start a hole of golf.

Yanno, there wouldn't be a problem if we could keep you guys out of the gym.  The logic for bifurcation is beyond the obvious, given that no one believes the game at the club level is too easy.  And most of us realize that we can't possibly play the same equipment as the best in the world, but there's no indication that anything will change in the forseeable future.

Back In The Saddle

Our long national nightmare is over, as Unplayable Lies resumes its flood-the zone coverage...

Dinah Doings - The scheduling logic is obvious, as golfers awake from their winter hibernation, slot the ladies' first major in before that minor event in Georgia.... Fittingly, the two events share many characteristics, the only majors played at the same venue, spots allocated to past champions and ams, curious rituals including pimento and white robes..... Now, about that name?

As for the golf:

In 12 previous LPGA starts in 2016, Ai Miyazato and Azahara Munoz had combined for

just one top-30 finish. But that didn't seem to matter on Thursday. 

The pair matched scores of 5-under 67 at Mission Hills' Dinah Shore Tournament Course, moving into an early share of the lead at the ANA Inspiration. Miyazato went bogey-free and Munoz posted a flawless scorecard until a surprising bogey at the par-5 18th. 

“It's always exciting to be here,” Miyazato said. “I know a lot of history and background. Well, obviously I haven't really played well on this golf course, but finally my game is coming all together."

Early days.... Miyazato is such a short hitter that I can't imagine her staying atop the leaderbaord on this golf course for too long.   

In a moment all too telling for this struggling tour, the major story coming out the event thus far concerns a person for whom a vagina was not original equipment:

Caitlyn Jenner made her first appearance at a tournament pro-am post-transition this week at the ANA Inspiration. The famously competitive golfer didn’t disappoint, holing out for eagle on the first hole. American soccer star Abby Wambach, part of Jenner's group, cheered her on. 

For the most part, both fans and players at the LPGA’s first major were enthusiastic supporters of the Olympian’s presence at the event, according to Golfweek. And Jenner could count on at least one familiar face at the tournament: Danielle Kang, who has known her for six years. Kang and Jenner met at the Sherwood Country Club.

Shack and I reacted the same way, but he beat me to the keyboard by 48 hours:

The one big negative of Caitlyn Jenner playing the ANA Inspiration (aka Dinah Shore) Pro-Am Wednesday?

A reminder that the LPGA Tour's first major that kicks off Thursday, and arguably its most historic and important event of the year, has a pro-am.

Bad optics, but girls gotta do what girls gotta do...  Now the eagle was legit, but shouldn't this have disqualified them from the team comp?

"She told me she putts better now because her boobs anchor her," Kang said.

"Yes, I do," Jenner agreed.

Strangely enough, when the original Rules of Golf were drafted in Edindurgh in 1744, anchoring the putter with hormone-induced breasts was not considered.  

It just seems like such an unforced error to allow Jenner to suck the oxygen out of the room, especially considering the Lesbians Gone Wild history of this event.  Think I'm overreacting?

Jenner received more interview requests this week at the LPGA's first major tournament of the year than any player, including No. 1 Lydia Ko.

In other news, we saw these comparisons when she originally went table-top:

RANCHO MIRAGE, Calif. — Who doesn’t want to be like Jack? Michelle Wie, ever the tinkerer, thought she’d try to take a page out of the Jack Nicklaus playbook and narrow her putting stance at the ANA Inspiration. 

“I kind of always saw how Jack putted and it kind of worked out OK for him,” said Wie, who maintained her unique table-top posture. 

“Putting is all about feel, and obviously just kind of tried that out, felt comfortable, and hopefully maybe stick with it.”

Comfortable is the furthest thing from my mind when I see her putt.... she looks terrified of making a mistake.  But more to the point, I don't think they look all that similar.  Look at the bend in the knees and angle of the thighs, as well as the ball position.  

When last we heard from Stacey Lewis, she was whining about the pay and claiming the girls are every bit as good as the boys.  This doesn't actually help things:

RANCHO MIRAGE, Calif. — What is wrong with Stacy Lewis? It’s a common question 

these days regarding the former World No. 1, who hasn’t won since June 29, 2014. 

On the eve of the ANA Inspiration, Lewis tried to answer that question, making herself vulnerable before a curious press. She then walked off the dais and broke down in tears, telling her team that it was one of the hardest things she’s ever done. Therapeutic too, probably. 

First, understand this about Lewis: Her life has undergone a serious transformation in the past 16 months. She went from a player focused almost entirely on golf, to a player sharing every part of her world for the first time with someone other than her family. Lewis is a person who likes her space. She likes her quiet. 

But she loves a man named Gerrod Chadwell, and, come Aug. 6, will vow to spend the rest of her life with him.

If I undestand correctly, her golf has suffered because she's happy?   Stacey is a younf lady that we all instinctively like because of her childhood battle to overcome scoliosis....But while success on the course will ebb and flow, she needs to recapture that stoicism and stop whining.

Masters Stuff - It's T-minus six daysfor the big one, so let's see what folks are discussing...First, Mike Bamberger with an interesting profile of Billy Payne:

As they say on the 1st tee at the Masters, Fore please. Billy Payne now driving.

Augusta National Golf Club has never had a chairman like William Porter Payne, not even Clifford Roberts, a sui generis personality and Wall Street banker who founded the club in 1933 with Bobby Jones, the great amateur. Payne, a 68-year-old businessman and attorney from Atlanta who was the key figure in bringing the Olympics to the city in 1996, often cites the club's two patron saints as his ultimate inspiration. But their vision was distinctly inward. That is: the club, the club, the club. It is unlikely that either could have imagined what Chairman Payne—he likes when people use the title—has done in his near decade at Augusta's helm. No other chairman has thought to focus on the borders of the course, and the great, green world beyond them.

It's a good reminder of the significant accomplishments of his tenure.  Now about that lengthening of the thirteenth....

Jake Nichols channels his inner Mark Broadie to handicap the field, but see if you find this conclusion illuminating:

Who will win the green jacket when it’s all said and done? A golfer who combines distance off the tee, audacious ball-striking and strong putting on bentgrass greens.

Well, I'm certainly glad we cleared that up.... I'm going to shimmy way out on a limb and predict that the guy that takes the fewest strokes will win.  Hey, it's only slightly less predictive than his conclusion....

Alan Shipnuck takes us through twenty intriguing plotlines for this Masters....though, Spoiler Alert, since No. 20 was Vaughn Taylor he lost me at hello.

And today's blasphemy comes from Rory, who dares to state the obvious:

“It’s a bit of a distraction and the year I had my best chance at Augusta, 2011, I didn’t play the par-three contest,” McIlroy said. “So maybe the decision not to play it this year can work in my favour.”

Ummm...how did that good chance in 2011 turn out?  Actually, given the arc of Rory & Caroline and Tiger & Vonn, we should be looking for excessive canoodling between player and caddie to predict forthcoming splits.

With Masters on the horizon, the apparel manufacturers are out with their "scripting".  If you're a fashionista, you can see the outfits of your faves here.  But the highlight of this dubious enterprise comes, as usual, from the man known as Lumpy:

And really, who could wear these better than the Lumpster.

Prior installments can be seen here.

I've got lots more, but I need to get back to the real world for now...