Thursday Theses

There's little in the way of actual news, but we do have the first round of the GOAT with which to amuse ourselves....

Get Woke, Go Broke - These marketing campaigns are becoming quite tedious, but the LPGA understandably wants in:

Women’s sports empowerment videos are all the rage these days, and rightly so, because very few developments in our culture over the last few decades have been met with such universal approval as the rise of girls and women in sports. 

It was just a matter of time before the LPGA, the oldest continuing women’s professional sports organization in the United States, now in its 70th season, chimed in with a video campaign of its own.

“This is for every girl who’s ever been left out or told she doesn’t belong,” it begins. “This is for every girl who’s been told she’s too loud, too quiet, too this or too that. This is for every girl who thinks her body isn’t good enough. This is for every girl who feels she doesn’t fit in. 

“This is for every girl who’s been told that success and kindness are two different things. This is for every girl who’s been told to give up. This is us, crushing it for you, so you can crush it for the next girl.

So I'm sure they pull all of these important themes together in one, easy to remember sloag appropriate to the cause.  Right?  Errr.....

LPGA Commissioner Mike Whan said it wasn’t difficult to settle on the campaign’s “Drive On” theme.

Thud!  What does that even mean?  The best I can say is that it's no worse than Live Under Par™, though that's admittedly setting the bar awfully low.

It's all about diversity and inclusion, yawn.....  But I await proof of their commitment to diversity, when the first biological man that identifies as a woman wants to peg it with the ladies.  

Mikey Bams and I Got There First - Golf Mag's Dylan Dethier is pulling double duty this week in Tampa:

How did any of this happen? The basic chain of events is as follows: At the Mayakoba Golf Classic in the fall, I was walking around the practice green when a caddie shouted

my name — Matt Garcia, a guy I had played mini tour golf with. He was caddying for Martin Trainer, a fellow Bay Area player and longtime friend. We got tacos. I saw them again at the Honda, and then at Bay Hill, and then at the Players. Matt was planning to head home, but Martin figured he may as well keep rolling. 

“My whole life I would have done anything to be in these events,” he said. “Now that I’m here, and I’m allowed into every event, I kinda want to keep playing…” 

I mentioned, half joking, that I’d walked the course with Tiger last year and was extremely available. And when you think about it, even in these guys’ golf-heavy orbits there are only so many qualified, familiar, available caddies who can swoop in for a week’s work. I was in.

Trainer recently won the off-field event in Puerto Rico, so Dylan's landed himself a hot hand.  And do read the item for the A-list clinic that you'd give up a kidney to have been at.

Day Three brought the Pro-Am, and bunker-raking lessons:

On day three of Caddie Week, reality began to set in. The start of the day was a snap; we headed to the course and I sat on my thumbs in the caddie lounge, studying the yardage book while Martin headed to work out at the Tour truck. But when he finished, it was time to finally take the staff bag for a whirl; we set out for the practice area and a quick warmup before tracking down our Pro-Am group.

 

The Pro-Am itself went off swimmingly. The new Tour policy offering nine holes per pro seems like a wise move; Tyrell Hatton played the back nine before tagging off to Martin for the front. This way, players can stay fresh and happy, plus the groups of ams gets exposure to twice as many Tour players in the process. Win-win.

Dylan seems committed to his craft:

Good fun, but let's see if Dylan can match Mike and your humble blogger and lose one of his player's clubs.

Our Favorite Subject - I've been slow to get to this one, which seems eerily appropriate.  Eamon Lynch takes on the Tour using Cicero as his lede:

It’s doubtful Cicero had the PGA Tour’s pace of play policy in mind when he wrote “The more laws, the less justice,” but his pithy philosophy is no less applicable. The Tour’s code runs four pages and is a masterclass in authoring rules designed to be unenforceable. 

Consider the particulars. Players are permitted 40-50 seconds to play their shots depending on the order of play in a group, but exceeding that limit doesn’t incur a bad time. For a group to be officially considered out of position they not only have to exceed the allotted time to play a shot but also reach a hole that is open and free of play. Only then does a group go on the clock. The punishment for that bad time is, well, nothing. A second bad time earns a one-stroke penalty, the third gets two. A DQ only comes at four. The fines levied are so meager as to be meaningless.

This is familiar ground, as I've been ranting that the enforcement regime seems uniquely designed to catch the wrong players.... or none at all.

But the more interesting bits, no intended disrespect to Cicero, are these from Shack and Steve Flesh.  First, the former:

Even easier? Make executives and players pay to watch golf in person. They’d learn the art of standing around watching others stand around and other tedious acts like not-ready golf.

The latter from Twitter:

The takeaway being that we don't see this on TV, because the networks only cut back when the players are ready to go.  Excepting, of course, when there's only one group on the golf course, a la J.B. Holmes in the 18th fairway at Torrey.

The Golden Age -  Quiet cool.... The Society of Golf Historians has posted some old timey advertisements from said Golden Age on Twitter.  First up, the great Tilley:

Competitor Herbert Strong includes a photo of Engineers Country Club:

 

And the underappreciated Walter Travis:

Good stuff.

It's Go Time - For The Goat, of course, and the first round matches are quite amazing.  As are the venues.....

Ben Hogan vs. Brooks Koepka

Seminole G.C., Juno Beach, Fla.

Hmmmm.... Does Brooksie really belong in this field?  And who did Hogan pay off to get the home game?

They get off to a bit of a testy start....

To the surprise of no one, Hogan’s first act upon arriving at the tee was to fix his withering “blue blades” glare upon Koepka, hoping—expecting—Koepka to slink away, intimidated. But Koepka, blithely unaware of Hogan history and a tough guy himself,

offered a handshake and the words, “If you wouldn’t mind keeping your cigarette smoke downwind, I’d appreciate it.” Hogan, indignant, bogeyed two of the first five holes, giving Koepka a 2-up lead. But Hogan being Hogan and Seminole being his favorite course in the world, the Hawk rallied. 

Wordless save for a quiet exchange with his old friend and Seminole member, George Coleman, Hogan birdied the fifth through seventh, displaying a palette of knockdowns, wind-riding fades, high floaters—not easy for him—and dead-handed straight balls. At the par-5 ninth, playing into a strong wind coming off the Atlantic Ocean, Hogan played his best shot of the day, a 3-wood second to 15 feet that drew “oohs” from the Palm Beach cognoscenti. He holed the eagle putt, and as he fetched the ball from the hole, Koepka leaned close and whispered, “Mr. Hogan, a guy who hits it that good can smoke anywhere he wants.” Hogan, 2 up at the turn, smiled, albeit tightly.

I know you guys called this one:

Hogan def. Koepka, 2 & 1

Next Up:

Bernhard Langer vs. Byron Nelson

Inverness Club, Toledo, Ohio

Another guy who barely made the field, especially is the match took place during one of his fourteen bouts of the yips....

Local bookmakers installed Lord Byron as a big 3-1 favorite, and even at those prohibitive odds, the smart money flowed toward Nelson, the line eventually moving to 4-1 at match time. 

Early on, it appeared Nelson would make short work of Langer, moving to a 4-up lead through nine holes. Wise bettors noted that this was a home game for Nelson: He’d served as head pro at Inverness from 1940-’44. They noted also that Inverness’ small greens played into the strength of Nelson’s game, his incomparable iron play. On four of the first 12 holes, he hit his approaches so close that Langer conceded them for birdies, and Nelson’s straight driving was a weapon, too.

 Not much suspense here:

Nelson def. Langer, 3 & 1

This one might get your attention:

Billy Casper vs. Arnold Palmer

The Olympic Club (Lake), San Francisco

Well, some prize fights demand a rematch....

With fog blanketing the eucalyptus and cypress trees, Arnold started out strong, playing the front nine in three under to take a 2-up lead. But the final round and playoff of the 1966 Open began in this fashion, too, and as happened in ’66, the momentum shifted in Casper’s favor. Billy, nerveless as always, holed putts of 15, 12 and 25 feet to begin the back nine—all of them for winning birdies—to take a 1-up lead. When Casper holed a downhill, left-to-right curler from 10 feet for par and a halve at the 15th, Arnold was overheard telling his caddie, Creamy Carolan, “I’ve had about enough of Bill making every putt he looks at.” Palmer’s manager and friend, IMG legend Mark McCormack, overheard the remark. “Hey, Arnold,” he said, “did they pass a law in San Francisco saying you can’t hole a couple yourself?” Palmer glared, then responded.

Casper is to me one of the most underappreciated players in golf history, but I suspect that w ecan't lose The King in the first round:

Palmer def. Casper, 1 up

This might be the most intriguing first round match:

Mickey Wright vs. Bobby Locke

Sea Island G.C., St. Simons Island, Ga.

I do hope Mickey remembers to Drive On™.

Wright proceeded to demonstrate that she not only deserved a spot, but might go deep in the match play. On a blustery day, Wright established a pattern of grinding consistency, hitting the first 12 greens in regulation for a 1-up lead. Locke performed well, his huge draw—make that, his hook—well-suited to the bouncy, sand-based Sea Island turf. From the 13th hole on it was the South African’s putting that perversely did him in. The jowly legend nicknamed Muffin Face placed his approach at No. 13 at the base of a hog-back and three-putted to fall to 2 down, and after a winning birdie at the 14th had to putt sideways across a tier at the 15th, from where he three-putted again. 

Wright had insisted on playing the same tees as Locke, and at the par-4 16th showed why no quarter was necessary. Facing a 2-iron shot to a hole cut just beyond a greenside bunker, she shaped a fade to within six feet. Locke, shackled with a one-dimensional draw, bounded 30 feet past the flag, and his putting again failed to save him. The hole was halved, and a routine par for Wright at the 17th gave her a 2-and-1 victory. Before repairing to the bar, Locke took Wright by the hand, bowed deeply and said, “Miss Wright, if you decided to play with we men full-time, I would leave the profession and seek an easier way to make a living.”

Wright def. Locke, 2 & 1

Here's another good  match-up:

Jimmy Demaret vs. Phil Mickelson

Champions G.C., Houston

What will Phil do?

Demaret, his hallmark fade placing him in the epicenter of every fairway, grabbed a 2-up lead after seven holes. Mickelson had three-putted twice, then blew a three-footer for birdie at the par-3 eighth and had the temerity to laugh about it. Burke trotted onto the green and swatted Mickelson smartly upside the head. “I want you to feel pain when you miss a putt,” he said. Mickelson answered “Yes, sir,” and immediately holed a 20-footer for birdie at the ninth and a 14-footer at the 10th, both for wins. 

Demaret, dressed in a colorful tam o’shanter hat, collarless shirt and gabardine trousers, regained the lead when the black-clad Mickelson muffed a flop shot at the 13th, but Mickelson then birdied the next three holes to take a 2-up lead. A thunderstorm interrupted play on the 17th tee, and the two legends repaired to Champions’ cavernous locker room, where they entertained members for half an hour, Mickelson performing card tricks while Demaret, a gifted singer, crooned 1940s ballads. When play resumed, a Mickelson drive at the 17th led to a bogey, his lead falling to 1 up, but a mammoth tee shot at the par-4 18th, followed by a 9-iron to four feet, gave him a 2-up victory.

That's a relief.... 

But we're just getting started here folks:

Walter Hagen vs. Cary Middlecoff

Oak Hill C.C., Rochester, N.Y.

Hagen showed up four minutes late for their starting time, which meant an automatic loss-of-hole penalty. The rumor was that Sir Walter did it on purpose to get in Middlecoff’s head, but if that was the plan, it didn’t work. Middlecoff, whom golf writer Herbert Warren Wind referred to as “a happy refugee from subgingival curettage,” won the first four holes. He also took his time doing it, smoking two entire cigarettes while he planned a bunker shot at the third. 

Hagen was not amused by the slow play, and at the fifth his carefree demeanor changed. He rallied and tied the match at the ninth, chipped in for a win at the 11th and recovered from a crooked drive at the par-5 13th to win the hole and take the lead. Middlecoff, a long, straight driver and superb putter, squared the match with a long putt for birdie at the 14th, but on the par-3 15th left his ball in the bunker to fall 1 down.

Of course he did.....But still:

Hagen def. Middlecoff, 2 & 1

Another rematch anyone?

Nick Faldo vs. Greg Norman

Turnberry (Ailsa), Scotland

The Scottish gallery, astute readers of expression and character, anticipated Norman might exude an air of low confidence. Understandable, in view of his devastating loss to Faldo at the 1996 Masters and being overtaken by Sir Nick after sharing the lead of the 1990 Open Championship at St. Andrews. But Norman saw himself as the man who had blitzed Faldo at the 1986 Open on this course and who got the better of him at the 1993 Open at Royal St. George’s.

I do remember that 1993 Open, but this was a nice touch:

Norman removed his hat, delivered a handshake and with sincerity uttered the same remark Faldo made to him in 1996 at Augusta: “Don’t let the bastards get you down.”

Did they hug?

Tiger Woods vs. Johnny Miller

Riviera C.C., Pacific Palisades, Calif.

Maybe if Tiger had given Jenkins an interview he wouldn't have to play this match at Riviera... 

A Woods trait was to privately manufacture contempt for his rivals, a tactic that motivated him. Miller’s occasional TV criticisms of Tiger clearly overshadowed the

frequent praise, and Woods arrived at the first tee determined to not merely defeat Miller, but humiliate him. It didn’t go as planned. 

Woods snap-hooked his opening tee shot out-of-bounds, Miller birdied the second and third holes, and just like that, Tiger was 3 down. Woods holed for birdie from the bunker in the center of the sixth green and made another winning birdie after driving the green at the par-4 10th. Miller’s 1-up lead disappeared when he three-putted the 12th hole, but the real turning point occurred at the par-3 14th. After stiffing a 5-iron to 18 inches, Miller blithely asked Woods, “Is this putt good?” Woods retorted with an icy, “No.” Miller, taken aback, promptly missed. Woods now was 1 up, and although Miller made nice putts for halves at the next two holes—he putted with his eyes closed at the 15th and while looking at the hole on the 16th—the 1-up margin somehow seemed insurmountable.

This will be no surprise:

“I won the L.A. Open here, and I thought I had a good chance today,” Miller said while striding back to Riviera’s majestic clubhouse. “But Tiger was just too good. If he and Jack Nicklaus wind up in the final, I’ll come out of retirement to call it on TV.”

Perhaps, though Sir Nick is also available..... 

How's this for a match?

Jack Nicklaus vs. Harry Vardon

Royal St. George’s G.C., Sandwich, England

I could make Vardon Flyer or Vardon Grip jokes, but why don't I just allow Dan to spin his yarns:

The two immortals, deeply respectful of each other, exchanged ceremonial gifts on the first tee, Vardon presenting Nicklaus with a dozen Vardon Flyer gutta percha golf balls, Jack pressing into Vardon’s hand three Ohio buckeye nuts. “Starting today,” Nicklaus

said, “they’ll never fail to bring you luck.” 

On one of the toughest championship tests in golf, on which Vardon won two of his record six Open Championships, the men started with caution, halving the first eight holes. Vardon took a 1-up lead with a birdie at the par-4 ninth, but one of his hallmarks—a smooth, unbroken swing rhythm—had the unfortunate (for him) consequence of rubbing off on Nicklaus. At the 242-yard, par-3 11th, the prevailing wind switched abruptly into the players’ faces. Nicklaus nailed a 1-iron to four feet, the birdie putt bringing the match to level. Vardon, unperturbed, took the lead again with a birdie at the shortish, par-4 12th.

Matches can turn on the smallest of things, such as: 

The wind picked up, blowing so fiercely it prevented Vardon from lighting his pipe, and Nicklaus, detecting his discomfiture, began playing more boldly.

No surprise that Jack moves on.

Next on the tee:

Rory McIlroy vs. Gene Sarazen

Portmarnock G.C., Dublin, Ireland

OK, I'm wearing down and will allow you to read the remainder of the matches by your own self (get it?).

But here's the bracket after Round One:

Hmmmm...Hogan v. Nelson?  Did those guys ever play together?  Just kidding.... See you tomorrow.