Weekend Wanderings

You might have thought I was just goofing off yesterday, but I was actually on assignment....

Tommy's Yawner - I took the entire Unplayable Lies staff to see the 11:15 a.m. showing of the film, and once again Employee No. 2 demonstrated her contempt for my audience.  She harshly predicted that we would be the only ones in the theater, whereas I counted no fewer than three additional

souls...  Frequently wrong, but seldom in doubt....

Now, as to the movie... alas, my fears were realized.  But perhaps I should defer to a professional movie critic?

Redolent of damp wool and dour personalities, “Tommy’s Honour” wants to convince us that watching two men bicker and bang balls into tiny holes for the better part of two hours is the height of entertainment.

Glad to see that he entered the screening bereft of preconceptions....  Sir, I'd like to suggest that if you, your fine self, were a working man in 1860's Scotland, you might be just a tad cranky yourself.  

Then this:

“Your station in life was set before you were born,” admonishes the club captain (a wily Sam Neill). But whether handling class conflict, family feuds or Tommy’s romance with a scandal-stamped scullery maid (Ophelia Lovibond), the screenplay (adapted from Kevin Cook’s 2007 book of the same name) draws everything out like flavorless taffy.

Unfortunately he's all too accurate...  Employee No. 2 used the word "flat" upon exiting the film, and it is the case.  The film focuses on the father-son conflict and Tommy's love for the fallen Margaret, but not sufficiently adeptly to make us care...  and if you can't make this viewer care about the Morrises of St. Andrews, that's quite the failure....

There's less golf than the viewer will expect, especially one subjected to the frequent Golf Channel advertisements.  The golf itself is lovingly and faithfully recreated, but lacks a certain drama still.  It's worth seeing for the avid golfer, but given its inevitable future running endlessly on Golf Channel, I can't see a need to rush to the theater to see it.  Nor, unfortunately, can I see there being an audience for the film...

However, you should do yourself the favor of reading the book....  You'll learn much about the origins of the game and come away in awe of Old Tom.

A Gentleman's Game - Did you enjoy Stewart Hagestad's performance at The Masters?  he was, of course, the first Mid-Am to make the cut, and got that Butler Cabin cameo with Jim Nance.

The Wall Street Journal devoted two reporters to this piece on Hagestad, who seems to have a life redolent of the gentlemen in nineteenth century Scotland:

Even before he teed off in the Masters, Hagestad did something that can challenge even the most avid New York golfers: hone his game to a high level while living in Manhattan.

That is quite the challenge.  How did he pull that off?

During the day, Hagestad helped put valuations on commercial properties. Most

weeknights, Hagestad would head to Golf & Body NYC, a specialized golf gym in an office building off Herald Square. The gym, which has just under 200 members, charges a $10,000 initiation fee and $7,500 in annual dues.

He spent hours there, trainers at the club said—a routine in the weight room, putting on a turf green, practicing drives in a simulator—sometimes closing the club on weeknights at 10pm. One Saturday morning, Bradley Borne, the club’s director of sports medicine, arrived to find Stewart sitting behind the golf desk, “like he worked there,” Borne said.

And don't miss this Tim Rosaforte feature on his week in Augusta, including the practice round with Spieth and Kooch:

I don't have the time to talk about Jimmy Dunne, but you'll read it for yourself. 

I like this as well:

From the most nervous he’d ever been in that practice round with Spieth and Kuchar, to fairly relaxed as a Masters rookie, Hagestad made the cut and turned the competition for low amateur with U.S. Amateur champion Curtis Luck into a story line. After making the turn on Sunday, Hagestad’s caddie asked if he wanted to know what Luck posted. 

“I told him honestly it’s not going to have any effect on how well I want to play on this back nine,” Hagestad said. “It’s a beautiful Sunday, the day before my birthday, on the most special place on earth. Let’s go enjoy the walk and do the best I can.”

It also turns out that he's a better negotiator than this guy.... Perhaps not, but he is a better judge of golf talent.  I liked his comments in that Butler Cabin moment, in which he basically said, that after seeing these guys up close, he'll play in the Walker Cup and get an MBA.  Good call, Stewart.

I Saw It On TV - Did someone mention the Walker Cup?  See what I did there?  That's a professional segue....Don't try this at home, kids.

Fox announced their television schedule, and it's bountiful:

US Open 38.5 hoursSenior Open 20
Women’s Open 20
Junior Am 6
Girls’ Junior 6
Women’s Am 15
Amateur 15
Walker Cup 12

That's quite a bit of coverage, especially for the amateur events.  You'll have to find where FS1 is on your cable guide, and you'd also be wise to reacquaint yourself with the location of the Mute button.

A reminder that the Walker Cup is at the newly-restored LA Country Club's North Course, which will also host the 2023 U.S. Open.

Billy Boy - Billy Horschel has been a frequent subject of abuse on this blog, as his mouth frequently betrays him.  Here's the set-up:

PXG, RLX, M-O-U-S-E.

Billy Horschel faced a dilemma many Tour pros face this week. He was at the RBC Heritage in South Carolina and his wife was pregnant and expecting. What would you do? 

Well, according to the reporting of Rex Hoggard at GolfChannel.com, Horschel received the call Tuesday, and drove three hours back to Ponte Vedra Beach, Fla. Tuesday. At 6:17 a.m. Wednesday his new daughter Colbie Rae was born.

OK, we've seen this movie before.  From Phil and his pager at Pinehurst to Danny Willett only playing in last year's Masters because his wife gave birth early.  But this is the par I find...er.... inexplicable:

He would return to the Tour stop Wednesday afternoon, and shoot a 1-under 70 in his first round. 

Remember, this is the same couple who decided Billy would play the 2014 Tour Championship even if his wife went into labor.

Egads!  It's the friggin' RBC!  Stay with your family, man!

I'll Take One of Each -  Golf.com has an amusing item ranking golf gizmos...  I know, but the Golf Swing Shirt is only No. 12.  And I promise not to excerpt the Potty Putter....

But the Ice Block Putter is pretty cool:

But who knew about The Drutter:

Look honey, I can now hit a bump-and-run....

As for the Uro Club...

Yes, it looks exactly like you're examining your club....  But a quibble...  In filling that reservoir you've changed the playing characteristics of the club.  I think it's a great idea, but does the Privacy Towel come in an XXL?

But this was my favorite:

Thank God I left Willow Ridge before Schrager got one of these....

When Is A Three An Albatross? - When it's on this particular hole:

OK, so Driver-3-Wood-3-Wood-3-Wood.....  in Case you can't read the font, it's 841 yards from the tips.  OK, so what Cro Magnon made three?

But how to explain a 15-year-old boy who took up the game only a year earlier, playing the hole from the white tees, at 720 yards, last month making a three there, an albatross, the rarest of feats, the odds of which are a million-to-one, according to Dean Knuth, former senior of handicapping for the USGA? 

In the annals of albatrosses, there’s Sarazen at the 15th in the Masters and then there’s…Michael Wallace? With apologies to Verne Lundquist, in your life…

Wallace is maybe 5-6, (“my coach says I hit it pretty far for my size,” he said) and a relative neophyte in golf, who essentially struck three perfect blows that collectively traveled 720 yards in a round where, by his estimation, he might have shot 90 had lightning not intervened and cut the day short.

As great as that is, this is probably the best part of the story:

Wallace had been an exceedingly shy kid, prone to wiling away free time on video games, Dotson said. Then his family convinced him to try golf and, as a junior golfer, Meadows Farm allowed him to play for free, Dotson said. 

The hook was set. A sophomore at Massaponax High School in Fredericksburg, Wallace played on the school’s golf team and has developed a passion for a game that he now hopes to play competitively in college.

Just remember, Michael, it's been scientifically proven that chicks dig the long ball....