Tuesday Threads

You know it's a special time on the golf calendar when Shack uses this Dan Jenkins chestnut as his quote of the day:

Ponte Vedra is definitely the leader in the clubhouse for security gates. The security gates are in place to protect the homeowners from muny golfers and help pizza deliverymen find the right neighborhoods, which all look alike but have different names--Quail Joint, Smuggler's Grape, Gator Cover, North Ditch, etc... DAN JENKINS as Bobby Joe Grooves

Getting Our (Bobby Joe) Groove On -  It's Players week for better or worse, and there's much of both on offer.  We're all a little punch drunk after the marathon match play. so this is about all we have as far as actual news:

PONTE VEDRA BEACH, Fla. (May 4, 2015) – As the world’s best players descend

upon Ponte Vedra Beach this week in a quest for the coveted PLAYERS Championship title, they’ll have one less obstacle to navigate on the Stadium Course. In the fall, the overhanging Live Oak to the right of the No. 6 tee box, which impacted tee shots over the years, was removed due to decay and safety concerns. Instead of avoiding the tree, players and TPC Sawgrass visitors can now enjoy it, as the oak was handcrafted into two benches, an “artifact” display and 180 commemorative pieces.

here's an old photo I had hanging around: 

It was one of those that shouldn't affect your tee ball, and yet the player can't take his eyes off it...'Tis a shame, but Circle of Life and all that...

The Tour released pairings yesterday as well, and this group going off No. 10 on Thursday might grab an eyeball or two:

8:39 AM: Rory McIlroy, Jordan Spieth, Jason Day

Why not?  As I was channel-hopping last night, I grabbed some of the Golf Channel chattering from The Players, and was a little shocked at the extent to which their panel (Lerner, Chamblee, Nobilo and Duval) were aggressively pimping the event as already a major Major.   Ummmm, if by that you mean the Fifth of Four Majors™, then you have my vote... Now I know that Golf Channel has to toe the party line to some extent, and Duval specifically would be forced to recuse himself in any other context, but sheesh!

It was even worse than that, as they were falling all over themselves to declare the event The Truest Test of Golf™, because... well, their rationale kind of eludes me here.  Something to do with having an equal number of shots demanding r-to-l and l-to-r shot shapes.  Thing is, that's a pretty simple calculation when you're carving a golf course out of a swamp, and when every hole is a double-dogleg, that trick kind of loses its luster.

I went to Sawgrass a few years back fully intending to hate it, and was quite pleasantly surprised.  Not only does it have some great shots in unexpected places, the second on the Par-5 second as a for instance, but it plays surprisingly well for the retail golfer (and features the most effective set of hybrid tees known to man).  But it's completely contrived, and its signature moment is more a test of brute visual intimidation than golf skill.

It works quite well for what it is, and we should just enjoy that.... like the 16th at Phoenix is enjoyable for what it is, but we'd recoil in horror if others tried to copy it.  The island green is a ton of fun, but it's the Tour equivalent of a windmill... 

It's An Honor Just To Be Nominated - I thought we had survived award season, but like Rick Blaine I was misinformed.... Two of our heroes are candidates for the Zurich Insurance "No Love" commercials:

In an anonymous poll conducted by Sports Illustrated, PGA Tour pros voted Rickie Fowler and Ian Poulter as the most overrated players in golf with both receiving 24 percent of the vote.

Full poll results
Rickie Fowler: 24%
Ian Poulter: 24%
Bubba Watson: 12%
Hunter Mahan: 8%
Other: 32%

Where to start?  For some reason Keegan typically gets a pass on this, which I don't get at all... and you'd only include Poults to the extent you thought he was any good to begin with....and that implies that you've not watched any golf since September 2012.

But Bubba?  There's a guy fighting such a severe case of ADD that I didn't think he could get through four rounds of golf without his head exploding, yet he's won two Masters.  To this observer, he's about the biggest over-achiever ever.

Don't Hold Your Breath - Bill Fields has an item on the LPGA's dream of an invite to you-know-where:

Some believe Augusta National should now be the site of a tournament for another segment of golfers by including women. LPGA player Paula Creamer spoke up after the Masters, invoking a "grow the game" argument. "I'd like to know truthfully why we wouldn't be able to have a tournament there," she said. "Definitely women's golf deserves something like that." 

LPGA commissioner Mike Whan was more diplomatic while admitting he has urged Augusta National officials multiple times about the prospect of a women's event there. "It's a fun dream," Whan told espnW.com's Michael Collins. "Could it become a reality some day? Some day. But by no means do we feel anybody owes us anything. At the same time, if it ever came to fruition, it'd be great."

Fields explains why this will never happen and, SPOILER ALERT, it's the azaleas.... But I'm going a different direction, it would be far more boring than they realize.   The ladies added an event in Ocala, FL this winter, one with "Tribute" holes, including one of the Augusta 13th.  It was dreadfully boring, as it played as a full three-shotter.  It just doesn't translate to the ladies' game, and just better to not go there.

Fighters Are Human Too - We waited far too long for last week's big fight, and we can honestly admit that by the time they went at each other both pugilists were long past their prime.  Fortunately it was on Golf Channel and you didn't have to shell out $100 for the boring spectacle.... What, you thought this was a Mayweather-Pacquiao item?  Nah, I'm talking Bradlye-Jiminez here, a real fight with none of those sissy padded gloves... In any event, it turns out that Miggy is a lover, not a fighter.

He takes the loss of the Ryder Cup captaincy and missing the cut at The Masters with admirable stoicism, but then he's got a fallback plan:

"You understand me, right? O.K. then. The Ryder Cup is decided by the players' clubs, not the captain's English." 

He spoke these words last month in the shadow of the Augusta National clubhouse, having just shot a second-round 73 to miss the cut at the Masters. It was a stinging disappointment, given that Jiménez tied for fourth last year—his ninth career top 10 in a major—but he was typically upbeat. 

"My score is s---, but I did not play s---. It happens. But my game feels good, I feel good about the rest of this season. The game will come. It always does."

Beneath the famous oak tree at Augusta National he fell into the warm embrace of his sons and his wife and hugs from a dozen well-wishers. Before leaving the grounds Jiménez offered a parting thought: 

"I am here with the sun shining, I'm surrounded by friends and family, tonight I will eat good food, drink good wine, smoke a good cigar and make love to my beautiful wife. It's a good life, no?"

I'm guessing that question is rhetorical...

Riffing off the Friday cage match, Brandel Chamblee offers a selective history of golf pugilism here.  He has a featured role in one of the vignettes, including this promising lede:

I once played with a pro who had a bit of a reputation as a brawler, was rumored to be a black belt in karate and to have killed a man in a bar fight. Word was, he was as crazy as a peach-orchard boar. He and I were in a twosome, and he was on his way to an 80-plus performance. Our sole gallery member was his girlfriend, who seemed sympathetic to his bad golf, at least until his wife showed up and then her disposition seemed, well … less sympathetic.

I hate when that happens... 

This Week In Brand Extensions - I almost let this item pass because the degree of difficulty is so low:

Just think, even with that Rickie Fowler shirt, Nike driver, and TPC tee time, there's still more you can do to be like your favorite PGA Tour star. For instance, have you given enough thought to how you smell?

Yes, recognizing that a golfer's passion should extend to all five senses, the tour is coming out with its own fragrance, PGA Tour Pro Sport. It is, according to a release, the tour's first ever signature cologne, and is "inspired by the competitive, innovation, and swift nature of the game."

If they sign Lumpy as the celebrity endorser, put me down for a case...

A Pro's Pro - If you subscribe to the theory that to teaching professionals we're all annuities, you'll love this Pravda profile of Mario Calmi:

“Hey, I’m Italian — we know how to use bricks and tomatoes,” said Mr. Calmi, who

keeps a narrow garden along the side of the range to grow his tomatoes, supported with stakes made of — what else — broken golf club shafts. 

For the arugula he grows, Mr. Calmi has bottles of olive oil stashed on shelves in his teaching shed next to golf equipment, and a bottle of balsamic vinegar in his golf cart. 

“It’s an Italian thing, we do food,” said Mr. Calmi, lighting his charcoal barbecue, another daily ritual, to grill some cheeseburgers. Then he made cappuccinos in the shed, to have with the fresh cannoli he brings daily.

But if he can deliver on this, it's about more than the food:

Mr. Calmi charges $100 an hour, or $60 for 30 minutes, which includes a video swing analysis he emails to students immediately after the lesson for further study. 

“A lot of my students don’t come back, which is good,” Mr. Calmi said.

“Golf pros are like chiropractors. They want you to keep coming back. But I tell my students, ‘I’m going to teach you so good, you don’t have to come back.’ ”

For some reason I'm hungry...