Dateline Scottsdale

Tiger Woods and Robert Allenby shared the stage on Tuesday, something I can'rt remember happening on an actual golf course.  Both presentations lefts the wags of the world scratching their chins mouthing profound existential questions such as "Huh?"  

But Tiger showed the world how it's done yesterday, at least in a PR sense, as no one cares about the damn tooth anymore.  All any one can say this morning is WTF... Gary Van Sickle fills us in:

While Tiger's long game was predictably erratic due to all the time off and the swing changes he's trying to effect, a Tour player's short game shouldn't be this bad. He was

flat-out chunking wedge shots just like he did at his own event, the Hero World Challenge, last year. Ok, he had the flu all week, so you could write that off as being sick. 

You can't write off what he did Thursday quite so easily.

Tiger spun his two-over-par 73 round as best he could. He did, after all, stiff a 5-iron shot close for an eagle at the 13th hole and birdied the 17th hole. He played the last six holes in three under par. The problem was, he was five over on the opening 12 holes, and a lot of those shots were lost around the greens.

But then he got to the stub of the matter:

It looks an awful lot like Tiger has the chipping yips. It's kind of verboten to use that y-word in golf but any golfer who's been there knows it when he sees it.

He wasn't the only one to use the "Y" word. Yipsville is a really dark place from which few return...Now Tiger had much to say on the subject, in and of itself not necessarily helpful.  First this:

I'm just having a hard time finding the bottom. Because of my old pattern, I was so steep on it, that I have a new grind on my wedge and sometimes it's hard to trust. This is a similar grind I used to use back in the early 2000s, but it's a different grind. Some of my shots were into the green with tight pins, and either I'll flop it or bump it, one of the two. I chose to bump it.

 And this:

Whenever difficult subjects arise, Woods resorts to the most painful mental gymnastics

to explain them away. 

"Because of my old pattern, I was so steep," Woods said of his chipping woes. 

He then went into a lengthy explanation of the grinds on his wedges. 

Blah. Blah. Blah. 

The thing about golf is that it's just about the numbers on the scorecard. There's no room for explanations. He knows that better than anyone. "All that matters is what you shot," he used to say.

What, you thought it was coincidental that analysis and paralysis rhyme?  It's a lot of thoughts to be going through one's mind on what should be the more instinctive side of the game.  But we saw all the typical manifestations of the "Y" word, most notably the choice of the putter or 4-iron in the hopes of avoiding further embarrassment.

Are you finding me relentlessly pessimistic and looking for some upside?  There was some for sure...First, John Strege:

By the numbers, Tiger hit five of 14 fairways and 10 of 18 greens in regulation. 

On the up side, he seems to have recovered some of the speed he had lost in recent years, as he said he had. At the 13th hole, his swing speed was clocked at 121.465 miles per hour. Last year, Bubba Watson led the tour with a swing speed of 123.7 mph. On the par-4 17th hole, Woods drove the green, 341 yards.

That would be his elusive "explosiveness?'  Glad we've got a positive ID.  Then Adam Schupak:

With his typical fierce resolve, Woods battled back. The highlight of his round was a 5-iron from 225 yards to the par-5 13th hole that rolled to a stop six inches from the hole for eagle. He tacked on a birdie when he drove the par-4 17th green. Woods could have been deflated, but he spoke with the experience of a man who has his eye on a bigger prize and knew this was just one round.

He also had a nice up-and-in from a bunker on No. 14, but really sprayed the ball all day.  As for the famerd No. 16, Tiger backed off twice due to crowd noise, including one idiot screaming "Tooth" as he set up over his ball.  I don't know if it was the gent at the left... It's a shame that the photo is so tightly cropped, as the WorG on his arm was fairly hot, I mean for a guy attending a golf tournament dressed as an impacted molar.

I don't have much more to say since I don't know any better than anyone else how this movie will end.  But he seems light years removed from being competitive, and it's virtually every aspect of his game (though he did seem to have a pretty good day with the putter (+.339 strokes gained), especially with some very well-judged long putts).  The one thing we'll all agree on is that he needs to play more, though he'll need to step it up just to earn a tee-time for the weekend.

So, let's move on, shall we?  Think the confluence of Tiger and the Super Bowl has created some buzz?  How about this?

The attendance was 118,461 -- more than the Super Bowl will get on Sunday -- and broke the Thursday record at the Phoenix Open by just over 30,000.

That's a Thursday, folks.  Unfortunately some bad weather today into Saturday morning might but a damper on the attendance numbers.  There were a few other guys in the field as well, with Ryan Palmer and Keegan Bradley on the top of the leaderboard.  Palmer likely has the Sun Devil frat boys in his back pocket due to this:

Palmer, who is one of the hottest golfers on the planet, says he loves coming to the Phoenix Open and he showed his affection for the fans by wrapping a $10 bill beneath a rubber band around a dozen golf balls with a note that said, “Have a beer on me.” He handed them to appreciative fans at the 16th hole.

They sell beer at Phoenix?  Who knew?

As for everyman Robert Allenby, he seems to have gotten off reasonably easy at No. 16:

Robert Allenby feared the worst Thursday at the Phoenix Open in his first round since his mysterious misadventure in Hawaii. 

Two days after saying he was preparing mentally for one of the toughest weeks of his life, Allenby drew only a few boos and comments on the rowdy par-3 16th stadium hole and the crowded 18th. He had mostly quiet, apathetic galleries in his round of 1-under 70.

The award for silliest prop at No. 16 goes to Morgan Hoffman in a walkover:

he put his tee ball in the right bunker, triggering the inevitable "All hat, no cattle".