Allenby - The Denouement (Until Tuesday?)

Our Robert has some mansplaining to do, as Rex Hoggard reports (Rex also provides this helpful timeline to use as a reference):

These are the facts. 

After having dinner with his caddie, Mick Middlemo, and a friend from Australia,

Anthony Puntoriero, Allenby was sitting alone at his table when he was approached by two men and a woman. Middlemo had already left Amuse and Puntoriero was having a conversation with another group at the bar. 

Allenby knows this because he and Middlemo went back to the bar the next day to review video from surveillance cameras. He knows he paid his check with an American Express card that he slipped into his pocket and not his money clip, exited the bar with the three unknown individuals and, according to the video footage, walked out of the building at 11:06 p.m. 

Two local homeless men, Toa Kaili and Chris Khamis, said they found Allenby some 20 minutes later passed out on the corner of Kapiolani Boulevard and Piikoi Street adjacent to a row of shrubs (pictured at bottom right), 100 yards from the exit to the wine bar.

Now we're still quite early in the evening, but already our hero is showing the sympathetic personality and sense of personal responsibility for which he's famed among Tour cadddies:

Kaili and Khamis said the golfer didn’t appear injured at that time but he was disoriented, and after a brief conversation he became belligerent, accusing the two men of having robbed him, so they left him on the corner. 

“We are talking to him and asked if he had all his belongings and he said, ‘No.’ About five minutes later he asked, ‘Hey, where is the third guy?’ I asked him what third guy and he said, ‘You know, there was three of you. You gave him the keys and he was going to get his truck and come around and get me,’” said Kaili, explaining that he thought Allenby was mistaking him for one of the men who approached him in the bar.

It's amazing how he makes new friends so intuitively...  Anyone but me wondering how Kaili knew about the three guys in the bar?  OK, back to Rex who picks up Allenby's scent:

Allenby is next seen about a mile away from the wine bar at Club Femme Nu (pictured at left), an adult entertainment club wedged between a tattoo parlor and a Korean restaurant. Multiple sources who were working at the club on Jan. 16 confirmed to GolfChannel.com that Allenby was there around midnight with “a group of friends” and ran up a $3,400 bar tab. The sources spoke on condition they not be identified. A message to Allenby about this development was not immediately returned. 

Just after 1 a.m., two hours after originally finding Allenby, Kaili and Khamis returned to find him passed out about again 50 feet from where they originally found him. “When I returned the second time that’s when Mr. Allenby’s face was all busted up. My friend (Khamis) said he was sitting down and nodding off and he hit his head,” Kaili told GolfChannel.com. “He was beyond drunk. Totally blitz. It had to be a little bit more than just drunk.”

This is what I like about our Robert....so many Tour players travel the world and see nothing but the golf venue and a room service menu.  But our intrepid Aussie gets out and samples the local culture, making new friends everywhere he turns.

I'm tempted to do some math, but I've not the slightest idea what a lap dance costs in Honolulu... in fact, just to set the record straight for Employee No. 2, I've no idea what a lap dance costs anytime after the mid-1990's.  

Now this is where Allenby leaves his tale:

On Friday, Allenby told GolfChannel.com there remained a 2 1/2-hour gap in his

memory from that night and that much of what he told police and Golf Channel had come from Keane. But the four-time Tour winner also said he had no doubt he was assaulted. 

“I remember someone hitting me twice, I just don’t know who that person is, but I remember it. I keep having nightmares about it,” Allenby said. “Everything else came from someone else.”

Even perhaps from the movies?  But that 2 1/2 hour memory gap doesn't speek well to the skills of the staff of the Femme Nu, does it now?  You'd think that for $3,400 you'd get a lifetime of memories...

 But just in case you're having trouble letting go of this heartwarming story, this might just be the best bit:

Golf Channel reported Sunday that the golfer is scheduled to hold a news conference on Tuesday at the Waste Management Phoenix Open.

As noted in the comments, that presser will be must-see TV.  After all, every kid gets excited when the circus comes to town...