Masters Tuesday - The Dinner Heard 'Round The World Edition

I'm sure the listening devices have been installed and the cheeseburger sliders are at the ready....

Don't LIV On My Parade - It's really all anyone can focus on at this point.  Other than that little dinner, that is...

A question for all:  Was Greg Norman, the character actor currently playing the role of LIV Commissioner, actually present for the career of Greg Norman?  As a follow up, is he aware of the concept of irony?  Last question, is he on Eamon Lynch's payroll?  Because he's making it easy for Eamon to phone it in....

Because, he really needs to make Eamon work for it, though this is quite the lede sentence:

Greg Norman is hoping for revenge for being snubbed by the Masters.

And a short sentence at that, though two things obviously jump out.  The hunger for revenge has been on display since the 1990's, usually accompanied by a topless photo of the man.  But, perhaps of greater import, where is this snub from the Masters?  Yeah, I think he's missing the word "perceived", but whatever...

Norman, LIV Golf’s CEO, told The Daily Telegraph that if one of his golfers captures the Green Jacket, the other 17 will be ready to storm the 18th green.

“They’ve said that if one of them wins then the other 17 will hang around and be there to congratulate him around the 18th green,” Norman told the British newspaper. “Could you imagine what a scene that would be, all these players hugging the winner. You only see things like that in the Ryder Cup, although it’s happening in our events more and more.”

I'm betting that Phil will be handing out those overly-generous envelopes to the locker room attendants on Friday, so I'd be surprised if he's there on Sunday....

But isn't this an admission against interest?

“Funnily enough, I haven’t been invited,” said Norman, who lives in Palm Beach Gardens. “As a major winner I always was before, but they only sent me a grounds pass last year and nothing, zilch, this time around. I’m disappointed because it’s so petty but, of course, I’ll still be watching.”

Gee, and I'm just spitballin' here, subpoenas have a funny way of affecting people.  They can get so awfully touchy.... 

It's Norman and Augusta, and we can hardly expect Eamon Lynch to let that pass:

Among the many life lessons one might expect Greg Norman to have absorbed by age 68, the danger of prematurely planning victory parties at Augusta National ranks high. And yet the Great White Pilot Fish is eagerly anticipating celebrations this week at the Masters. Since any prospective festivities aren’t dependent on Norman closing, there’s a chance they might happen, though he won’t be joining since in these precincts he’s about as welcome as diarrhea in a space suit.

Why Eamon?  Did Greggy have issues closing at Augusta?  

Setting aside Norman’s unimpeachable authority on the power of goosebumps on Sunday at the

Masters, the “spirit” he presents as camaraderie could also be seen as churlish grandstanding, diminishing the peak of a man’s career in order to score points that his product can’t deliver on its merits. And it could happen.

That Greg Norman openly hopes to fashion a hollow victory for LIV from another man attaining his lifelong dream, that he is hating vicariously through others, is reason enough to hope that he experiences one last, gutting Masters disappointment.

Hard for Eamon to run up much of a score with this one, given its minute degree of difficulty, but our Sharkie just can't help himself, even when he should know better.

We are blessed with an Alan Shipnuck mailbag to muse upon, including this Q&A on this very topic:

Does LIV players making a scene on 18 if one of their players wins and putting attention on LIV upset ANGC and risk their players being invited back? @JMahal23

You should know better than to take Greg Norman’s gaseous emissions at face value. There isn’t going to be a scene at 18. Maybe one or two close friends of the winner would be on hand, which is fine. Now, it’s entirely possible if a LIV dude wins a bunch of his comrades will be waiting by scoring to give him bro-hugs, but that is a normal and acceptable practice.

That sounds about right.  And this does as well:

If a LIV player(s) is in contention on Sunday, what’s the coverage like? I know the networks have said it won’t influence their coverage…what say you? @kingchris0719

It’s the f’ing Masters—if a guy has a chance to win he will be all over the telecast. But expect the commentary to be sanitized. It will be about the player’s past performance in the majors, his biography, etc. with scant mention of LIV. And that’s fine.

Bob Harig takes on this existential question, though he spares a moment to put to bed one red herring that your humble blogger did as well:

The much-chided talking point that LIV Golf members are playing less, and thus happier, is a constant source of derision, even if is not exactly true in most cases.

With a 14-tournament LIV schedule, the potential for four major championships, a commitment to the Saudi International and potentially worldwide events, LIV golfers—with perhaps the notable exception of Patrick Reed—are not playing much less than they ever did while competing on the PGA Tour or DP World Tour.

But there is no denying they are playing far less heading into the Masters Tournament this week.

Do tell:

And that understandably leads to questions about their readiness to compete against peers whom most of them have not played against in months.

LIV golfers have competed in just three 54-hole events and the Saudi International going back to early February. Dustin Johnson, for example who missed the Saudi event with a back issue, has played just nine competitive rounds this year.

Scottie Scheffler, the defending Masters champion, has played six stroke-play events, winning the WM Phoenix Open and the Players Championship, and 24 competitive rounds. He also competed in the WGC-Dell Match Play, playing seven matches over five days.

More is not necessarily better, but competition certainly helps. It’s why players start eyeing the Masters in the winter and developing a game plan through the first three months of the year to be ready.

I continue to believe that the bigger issue is that LIV is a glorified Senior Tour, a place players go to avoid the grind.  That seems existentially incompatible with peak athletic performance, but....  Did you ever happen to take a statistics course?

Would a LIV podium completely invalidate the PGA Tour? @idiotinvestor7

In a word, no. Everyone is going to overreact one way or another based on how the LIV guys play, but one tournament is a very small sample size. At the end of the Open Championship in July, let’s look back and see what the LIVers have or have not done in the majors, and then we can try to ascertain if the limited schedule and small-field, no-cut ethos is hurting their chances at the major championships.

Except that, to be fair, the guys we're talking about this week haven't done much in those LIV events themselves.... 

I did find this an interesting take on Orlando:

A longtime golf columnist prepped for Masters week by going to a LIV Golf event. What did he think?

It doesn't seem to have gotten off to the best start:

Last weekend, the LIV folks were in Orlando to debut their Friday-through-Sunday brand of golf at Orange County National. The weather was nice and, on paper, it was just an hour away. On paper an hour, on the asphalt of today’s I-4 through Central Florida, another story. And once there, public parking was in a field of bush-hogged roots, soft sand and an occasional cactus plant.

“Don’t let the logistical failings of the Ops Team cloud your judgment of the day ahead,” became a quiet rallying cry modern customers reluctantly use now and then.

I'll bear that in mind....

Once through the gates — hell, even before you’re through the gates — differences between this and the entire history of tournament golf begin sounding off. The music isn’t overly loud, but plenty loud, and in keeping with the theme of a sports-world disruptor, it comes from that clubby, sometimes-techno, in-your-face catalog of sound designed to get the blood flowing.

It does, by the way.

Silly me, I thought it was the golf that was supposed to get you going.... But apparently they don't consider the golf sufficient to maintain the spectators' interest:

Thankfully, once the shotgun blasts (it sounds very similar to an air horn, by the way), the wall-to-wall music is turned down.

Down, not off.

Strangely, they allow it to intrude on their broadcast, at least it did the couple of times I tuned in.

Eventually, it should go without saying, it has to be about the golf, assuming there’s a future to this. And that’s where this guy’s senses unravel.

Someone mid-afternoon mentioned how the players not only seemed more relaxed than standard PGA Tour fare (nearly all were in shorts, by the way) but also less grim, less weighed down by golf’s ancient pressures. Happier, you could say.

Well, yeah. The LIV tournament norm is a $25 million total purse, with $4 million to the winner. Frankly, that can’t be from where all the positive mojo arises. Nope, the relaxed vibe springs from way south on the leaderboard, all the way down at 48th (and last) place, which pays $120,000.

And all you have to do is stay upright through Sunday afternoon, because there’s no 36-hole cut.

As I've been saying from Day One, if they're not grinding then I'm not watching.....And, in his rousing coda, this longtime golf writers sounds very much like your humble blogger:

As mentioned here time and time again, sooner or later, don’t the financiers have to look at each other and wonder what they’re getting for their billions? If this was designed as a form of sportswashing, as many critics insist, somebody forgot to order mops.

But even if you choose to ignore the politics of it all — as so many of us do in various facets of life — you need to enjoy the product if you’re going to devote any amount of allegiance.

It’s a big ol’ world with a whole bunch of varying tastes, and if the benefactors hang in there, maybe LIV will live on into the future, even if it fails this guy’s feel test.

After all, the music ain’t bad.

What are they getting for their money?   

Dinner For.....Six - Do they need any additional wait staff?  How about a 68-year old bouncer?

This seems unnecessary, I hope:

It is, at least until the real action starts on Thursday, the talk of ‘toonamint’ week so far. The

normally staid Champions Dinner, a traditional Tuesday evening gathering of those who have prevailed at Augusta National, will this year double as the place where Patrick Reed, Charl Schwartzel, Phil Mickelson, Dustin Johnson, Sergio Garcia and Bubba Watson, LIV players all, come face-to-face with fellow Masters champions who have remained faithful to the game’s more traditional circuits.

Given recent utterings from the likes of Garcia, Fred Couples and Gary Player, the potential for conflict is surely in the air. One who clearly thought so is Augusta National chairman, Fred Ridley. According to 1998 Masters champion Mark O’Meara, Ridley recently called every past winner to get an early feel for the mood in the two camps.

“I told Mr. Ridley when he called that everything is going to be fine,” says O'Meara, who last competed in the Masters in 2018. “I really believe that. My thoughts on the dinner are that golf will survive all of what is going on right now. Golf is bigger than all of this. Golf is fine. So my take is that the dinner will be fine. It will be about the Masters Tournament and [defending champion] Scottie Scheffler. Yes, not everyone in that room is necessarily super-tight, but it won’t be about guys who went to the LIV Tour, or guys who support the PGA Tour, or who has said this or that.”

Though this guy isn't quite as sanguine:

“It’s going to be interesting,” says the Welshman. “There will be some neutrals there, observers really, amongst the guys who have taken sides. But if anyone says anything it will be Phil Mickelson. Phil always says something, and he can blabber on. He’ll be the one to disturb things. Then again, there was Freddie [Couples] winding people up the other day. I wonder how much I could charge to put on a little badge and video the whole thing. As I say though, if anyone speaks up it will be Phil. He will be the one to disturb things. But I would hope no one will bring those issues into the room. I certainly won’t be saying anything.”

You would think Phil would show up sporting a muzzle, no?  If there's one guy that needs to limit his comment to, "Hi, nice to see you" it would be Lefty.

Alan had a slightly different prognosis, one that seems entirely credible:

If anyone was to make a LIV vs. PGA comment during the Champions Dinner to try and start something, who would you bet on it being? Maybe exclude Gary Player as the first obvious choice lol. #askalan @cdntac

Bubba! Not even out of malice, necessarily. But he’s so socially awkward, I could see Watson trying a joke that backfires badly. The thing about Bubba is that when he begins a sentence he rarely knows how it will end and he just keeps talking, so anything is possible.

And this:

Which player would you most like to interview five minutes after the Champions Dinner? @toddh_478

Fred Couples or Dustin Johnson, for the same reason: They don’t care enough to b.s. reporters and will just give it to you straight.

Ummm, Alan, Freddy has hardly been acting like a guy that doesn't care.... 

Udder Masters Stuff - Some Augusta-themed bits from that mailbag:

What storyline are you most enthused about going into Masters week? #AskAlan @AMungoven

1. Jeez, there are so many! Obviously a Tiger-Phil shootout on Sunday would top any list, but I’m trying to deal in reality here, so this would be my enthuse-o-meter:We get some clarity on who the best player in the world is in a showdown featuring some combination of Rory McIlroy, Scottie Scheffler, Jon Rahm, Justin Thomas and Cam Smith.
2. Rory finally wins the Masters, completing the career Grand Slam.
3. Sunday turns into the battle at Helm’s Deep, er, Amen Corner with a LIV antihero (think Brooks or PReed) versus a PGA Tour loyalist.
4. A likable first-time major champion breaks through. Xander Schauffele or Max Homa would do quite nicely.

Not a bad list, though Phil even being there on Sunday seems a stretch.  With all the rain in the forecast, this seems like now or never for Rory....

As for that lengthened hole:

If the 13th hole averages par or higher from the first two days, do they move the tees back up to last year’s for the last two rounds? @apindara

I’m afraid the scoring average might be down but in a boring way, as fewer players go for the green, taking the big number out of play. With today’s equipment, many pros don’t like to (or can’t!) draw their driver. I foresee a lot of bailouts into the pine straw. Or 3-woods off the tee, because it’s easier to shape that club, but that leaves a much longer shot in, especially if the rain comes and the course plays softer. Either way, it’s easy to imagine many more layups, essentially turning one of the world’s great par-5s into a 90-yard par-3. From that distance, to an expansive green, balls in the creek will be exceedingly rare, which means a lot of 4s and 5s but very few 6s and 7s…and precious few 3s.

It's not like there were a lot of balls in the water here.  

What holes at Augusta National are the most underappreciated in your opinion? @derrickq42

Five is a beast, with one of the toughest drives on the property and a wicked green. No one ever talks about 6 but it has a delightfully crazy putting surface, and when the pin is on the back shelf it’s a ridiculously small target that can lead to all sorts of fun chips and pitches. Fourteen has no bunkers or water, and tucked between two epic par-5s, it can feel like a letdown, but that might be the coolest green in North America and I love to watch all the geometry involved on approaches and recoveries. I love/hate 17: There’s seemingly no fairway and by Sunday afternoon the green is usually concrete, but again, the extremity makes it fun, especially after errant approach shots. Scott Hoch missed the ensuing putt so no one remembers it, but if you want to see one of the dirtiest shots in Masters history proceed to 2:29 of the telecast from the final round in 1989:

You can click through the link above if you're inclined to watch that video...  Let's just say that Scott Hoch's Augusta legacy involves a rhyme of his surname.  But I agree that No.. 5 is a beast, and No. 14 is oddly fascinating....

Would golf media have a coronary if on Sunday the winning golfer taunted his playing partner like Angel Reese taunted Caitlin Clark? Maybe pantomime putting on a green jacket after the winning putt drops? Which golfer (OK, other than Brooks) is most likely to do that? Also, higher finish: Cameron Young or Cameron Smith? @luke_peacock

It would be noisy, for sure, but just like the Reese-related blowback, the reaction would depend on the player. If Rory, golf’s white knight, did the taunting he would probably be celebrated for his leadership! Koepka is a solid choice for stirring the pot, but we all know Patrick Reed is the most likely candidate to go rogue, and he would be excoriated simply because he’s Patrick Reed. As for the Camerons, let’s see if the rain comes as forecast. If so, I’ll take Young. If not, Smith has to be the favorite on a firm, fast Augusta National.

It's just classless, but isn't that exactly what Norman was trying to provoke with his comments?

And this ripped from the headlines:

Is this the last year for Gary Player as an honorary starter? Does ANGC put him out to pasture? #AskAlan @joshcoley

It’s time. The embarrassment of last year—when Player’s son turned a celebration of Lee Elder into tacky guerrilla marketing— put the Black Knight on very thin ice, but remarkably, Player just blasted Augusta National for not making it easier for him to bring his grandsons to play the course. His tone-deafness is astonishing. Player has always been a loose cannon, but at 87 now, he is even more unpredictable. There is no upside left for the Masters to continue to give him a platform. Big Jack won’t miss him either. Nicklaus could have a year or two on the 1st tee without Player’s yapping and then gracefully exit. Which leads us to…

I don't see this happening, as much as it should.  There's only been one way of losing this gig historically, and that involves a funeral.... 

Once Jack and Gary pass on, who replaces them as honorary Masters starters? Tiger, Phil and Nick Faldo? Gentle Ben is a popular choice. Has Phil forfeited that honor by joining LIV? @LabLoverDE

Tom Watson and Ben Crenshaw are an appealing duo, and they could have a decade-long run. At that point Tiger and Phil would both be around 60 and they could take the mantle. By then, passions around LIV will have cooled and presumably Mickelson will have recouped some goodwill. Faldo has the résumé but not the love. If Watson or Crenshaw is unable to carry on, I think Bernhard Langer would get the nod ahead of Faldo, though he’ll probably still be winning Senior Tour events in five years and therefore not well-suited to a ceremonial role.

Crenshaw is an obvious answer, though wouldn't Ollie be a more popular choice than Langer?  

The Phil conundrum is real, but hard to fully envision until the LIV rebellion has been quashed.  I believe that he must be cast out from golf's polite society, but that's probably an argument best left for another day.   

Alan makes quite the has of this one:

Gary Player gave his major rankings — what are yours? @ZitiDoggsGolf

Oof, tough one. Let me try to puzzle this out. For venues, I would rate them: 1. Masters; 2. (Tie) U.S Open/Open; 4. PGA Championship. For historical importance: 1. U.S. Open; 2. Open; 3. Masters; 4. PGA. For modern-day buzz/prestige: 1. Masters; 2. Open; 3. U.S. Open; 4. PGA. For the feeling on the ground when you’re there: 1. Open; 2 (tie) U.S. Open/Masters; 4. PGA. Add it up and this is my ranking:

1. Open Championship/Masters (tie)

3. U.S. Open

4. PGA Championship

Can't we all just agree that the PGA is fourth in all measures, and ignore the rest?

The one point that should be made is that the size of the Masters field is disgraceful.  The field is no deeper than that for a 2024 designated event, and that tells us all we need to know about both.

Udder Alan Stuff -  A couple of bits not directly tied to this weeks little event:

Does the PGA Tour need to do something more innovative with the non-designated events? The Valero Texas Open made for grim TV, and it looked like it had very small galleries, which sponsors won’t be happy with. @EoinMurphyej1

It is the endless slog of 72-hole stroke-play events that made the Tour vulnerable for disruption by a new competitor. In the new bifurcated Tour, the non-designated events will certainly have to be more creative to generate any kind of interest. The two-man team event has been a home run for New Orleans, so clearly the players and fans are open to change. A jingoistic team event modeled on the International Crown is a no-brainer. The first Tour event that incorporates “wolf hammer” into the scoring will break Golf Twitter. Any and all creative thinking is encouraged. Unfortunately, the Tour’s bedrock rebuttal to LIV has been elevating 72 holes of stroke play into the be-all-end-all so I’m afraid we’re going to be stuck with more boring golf like the Texas Open.

I have no problem with Alan ragging on the Tour over format, the more so in the aftermath of blowing up the one match-play event.  That said, the problem is more existential than just formats....

The Tour has just informed us that eight events are super special,  which would be great if they were only staging those eight event.  But they will host 48-49 events, which means 40-41 events are of the non-special ilk, and each of those involves a sponsor and venue that need it to work.  The back story to this is that alpha dogs have decided that they shouldn't have to compete for their riches against the hoi polloi for their vast riches, which means that the Tour will be running only one event with both the big names and a full field.

Does that sound like a Tour that's worth your attention?  Maybe wolf hammer would help, though the problems seem more self-inflicted and fundamental than that which can be solved with just a silly gag...

Lastly a query about that terrific penis:

Why hasn’t Cantlay ever contended in a major? #AskAlan @brianros1

Have you ever listened to Patrick talk? He’s such a boring, straight-line personality and it’s reflected in his golf: He can hit the same shot over and over again with amazing precision. That is a good recipe for winning everyday Tour events but the more exacting setups at the major championships demand more artistry and a wider variety of shotmaking. That’s not Cantlay’s forte. He did make a nice run at the 2019 Masters: Starting six shots off the lead, he played the first 15 holes in 6-under, including an eagle, to give himself a chance. Of course, Cantlay then promptly bogeyed the next two holes and faded to 9th place. The right U.S. Open setup, or even certain PGA Championships, would seem to favor him, if he can figure out the metaphysical aspect of treating the majors like any other week.

That's why it's important to keep that field so small....  The world thinks Cantlay is great, but I haven't seen all that much evi9dence of that.

More tomorrow.  Be sure to check back in.