Saturday Catch-Up

Did you miss me?  A day devoted to tech service (Thursday) and travel (Friday) caused a brief service outage, but that's all behind us now.

Monterrey Mishaps - Subtitle: Snatching Defeat From the Jaws of Victory.   

This should be an exultant week, unless of course you're trying to take the festivities in on TV...  As you'll no doubt recall, many asture observers have been concerned about the effect of the ever-expansive PGA Tour schedule on its West Coast Swing.  To briefly recap, the fear was and is that the guys will need some down time (and in golf that means chasing seven-figure appearance fees and the like) and this juncture of the schedule seemed best positioned for such breaks.  Combined with bouncy poa greens, iffy weather and, for this week, six-hour rounds with hacks joined at the hips...

Well, surprise, surprise!  The event seemed to have defied reality, upping their game on amateurs and using those guys to lure in some actual name-brand professionals.  No doubt you've heard the topline stat, six of the top nine (I'm guessing it's also six of the top ten) ranked players are here, so what's the problem?  Well, have you tried to sit through any of it?

First problem, all those show ponies seem to have put their A-games in their checked luggage that was rerouted to Singapore (Jordan, we have the memory of an elephant).  Ties for the lead are Hiroshi Iwata and Sung Kang, followed by household names like Hubbard, Herman and Reavie....  Now it's golf, so this does happen.... and it's not a complete disaster, as Phil shot 65 to shoot up the leaderboard and that Kung guy was on a 59-watch for most of the day (amusingly with Fluff on his bag, which would have made him the first guy to loop on two 59's).

I saw a few minutes of yesterday's coverage, but most of Thursday's and here's how Shack described it (though his header seems way overly optimistic):

You were probably looking forward to seeing Pebble Beach in all of its glory, maybe even watching shots at the renovated par-3 17th, and all you seemingly got was Chris Bermanmutilating the ball. 

Mercifully, the ESPN anchor moves on to MPCC and Spyglass and (hopefully) out of the camera view. Before he disappears for another year, I would take in Deadspin's wrap, which includes their favorite (cruelly unflattering) Berman images. There was also his shot on 18 ricocheting off of an endless collection of rocks.

Here's that shot into No. 18, which I'll grant bounced around long enough to be interesting without regard to who hit it:

You'll no doubt recall that I've always called the Saturday broadcast the most painful day in televised golf, but that's on CBS...  I didn't expect that Golf Channel would try to compete.

You might think that Golf Channel, in the business of televising golf-related content for decades, might have a clue as to the tastes of their core audience.  Because you'd be hard-pressed to identify a man more anathema to golf fans than the Boomer...  We hate everything about him, from his overly-loud voice to his unkempt appearance... but more than anything, we detest his tired, played-out, not-funny-since-the-late 1980's party trick of punning off players names.... to wit, Ground Control to David Toms.

The folks at ANGC had the good sense to ban him from ESPN's Master's coverage, though ESPN allowed him to taint their Open Championship broadcast with his nonsense for far too many years.  Golf has a far different rhythm than any other sport and, Joe Buck call your office, Berman remains completely clueless on that.  But he's a dreadful golfer, and there's nothing pleasant or interesting about watching him dig up turf.

Shack's Saturday preview is here, the best part of which is this Bill Murray story:

On Thursday night, Murray was at the restaurant Vesuvio, where Justin Timberlake was throwing a party for his 901 tequila, when a number of fans bombarded the comedic actor and started repeatedly taking flash photos of him. Murray, who’s usually very accommodating, became annoyed with the too-close-for-comfort fans, and grabbed some of their phones and tossed them over the restaurant’s second floor rooftop.

He's such a card!  I'm sure those folks are thrilled to have their phones destroyed by an actual celebrity.... well, maybe a former celebrity.  And get a load of this Golf.com ranking of the celebrities, neatly encapsulating everything that's wrong with the televising of the event...and how about Morning Drive's Gary Williams texting to a talking head (probably Rich Lerner) that Chris Berman is a "marvelously unmade bed".  Gary, I think you spelled "fat slob" incorrectly...

This is a tourney with a rich history (The Match, for God's sake), unbelievable scenery, iconic golf courses and a captive audience in most of the country.  And the Pro-Am, as well as the 3-course rota, make it so interesting that you couldn't possible mess it up....could you?

And you know who's missing from that list of celebrities above?  I did actually like Team Lefty:

Not only did he get Bubba to play here for the first time in years, but he got him into matching unis.... and, he can play the game.  No reason to show him on TV, though, when you've got The Boomer.

OK, I'm gonna clean up all the saliva I've spewed and move on...

Shark, Jumped - Channeling my inner Madeleine Albright, there's a separate ring in Hell reserved for on Phil Mickelson.  

That may sound harsh, but perhaps you should revisit the tape of that infamous Gleneagles presser and look at the expression on Hunter Mahan's face as Phil explains the magic of Pods.  Anyway, that begat the silly Ryder Cup Task Force which begat the David Love mulligan....

So, last week we had Jack stepping up to host a Ryder Cup bonding dinner the week of the Honda, because....well, bonding.  I know, I thought it was a golf competition but those who can't hold bonding dinners...

Captain Love, a genius on Friday and Saturday who somehow lost the plot on that notorious Sunday, has learned his lesson:

"We're going to have a dinner during the week of Honda, and then we'll probably have two or three more," Love said Wednesday. "So I'm going to be a little bit more focused this time on the start, work my way through the points list and make sure that we've got everybody covered — not wait until the Memorial Tournament when we have a clothes fitting to talk to the guys for the first time."

Patrick, have you met Jordan?  Oh, that's right.... OK, there's no harm and the guys on the periphery of the standings will be flattered, though inevitably someone will be omitted that will surge late and make the team.  But. trigger warning, profound silliness ahead:

Love also said another vice captain, Tiger Woods, suggested getting together away from the golf course, perhaps a fishing trip to hang out and talk shop. 

"I think if we all get to know each other a little bit better in March and April and May, rather than waiting until August and September, we're going to be better off," he said.

OK, I'm completely on board (heh) with this with one minor condition... Tiger and Phil should be forced to share a two-man boat.

Or, in the alternative, the guys could just play better...

First Rule of Fight Club, Broken - I guess Jordan was off in Singapore (I still remember) the week of Torrey Pines, so he didn't get Phil's memo about not discussing our little wagers on the golf course:

Jordan Spieth has become the latest PGA Tour star to make an annual pilgrimage to Cypress Point Club for a round of golf in advance of the AT&T Pebble Beach National Pro-Am. 

Apparently it was costly this time.

Spieth, along with country music star Jake Owen, his friend and Pro-Am partner this week, ventured over on Tuesday, the guests of member Reuben Richards Jr.

Owen posted on Instagram, “Took some cash off the worlds #1 @jordanspieth today. Sorry bud. When you've got it, you've got it.”

Cypress, which I was lucky enough to play twice in the 80's, might just be the best reason to endure the six-hour rounds at this event.  It's actually three separate and distinct golf courses, each of which is simply perfection.... well, except for the first and finishing holes, that is.

Claims, Dismissed - I'm a bit surprised by this stinging defeat for our working class heroes:

A U.S. District Court judge has dismissed a lawsuit filed by a group of caddies against

the PGA Tour that claimed, among other things, breach of contract and antitrust violations. 

In a ruling issued on Feb. 9, Judge Vince Chhabria wrote, “The caddies’ overall complaint about poor treatment by the Tour has merit, but this federal lawsuit about bibs does not.” 

Specifically, Chhabria ruled that although vague the language used by the Tour to dictate a caddies’ dress code covers the wearing of a “bib,” which the caddies claim they have been forced to wear without receiving any compensation. 

“Even if this contract language might appear susceptible to two different interpretations when considered in isolation, there is only one reasonable interpretation when the language is considered in the context of this case,” Chhabria wrote. “The bib has been the primary part of the ‘uniform’ that the Tour requires caddies to wear.”

First and most importantly, what's up with that double-h in the Judge's surname?  That's just weird!

 I thought that this case might turn on the nature of the Tour's relationship with its players, who maintain independent contractor status.  It turns out that I might have been incorrect, so by all means mark this date on your calendars...

Those other claims include the caddies being herded into a metal enclosure during a lightning storm.  I'm quite shocked by that, as you'd think the Tour would recognize the danger of that.  After all, some of those valuable bibs could get singed...