Friday Funnies

Time is again short, so let's see if we can close some of these browser tabs...

East Lake Update - I gather they're playing some sort of exhibition at Bobby Jones' old haunt, though they seem to have attracted a decent field...What?  Playoffs?  You realize that makes no sense in golf....Oh, never mind...

ATLANTA – The curtain rose Thursday at East Lake Golf Club in the opening round of

the Tour Championship, and Henrik Stenson had a goal. He wanted to break from the gates as fast as he could. A birdie-birdie-birdie start and a front-nine, 6-under 29 certainly checked off that box. 

“That’s what I was looking for,” Stenson said, “and I got it.” 

He was too consumed in the moment to start thinking about shooting golf’s magic number – 59 – at one of the game’s biggest events, but surely others were thinking about it. Some light drizzle hit in the midst of his back nine with Stenson 8 under through 12 on the par-70 track, and his game would cool over the final holes, which included a dropped shot at the par-4 17th. But his overall work for the day was shining: a 7-under 63 that delivered a two-shot cushion over Paul Casey.

Henrik is of course a fine player and has won this thing before, but Volume CCXXII of how ridiculous this FedEx thingee could be that he's currently in fourth place yet hasn't won since...well, since he won the FedEx Cup in 2013.  

But Henrik has a sense of humor and I did like his assessment of his chances of winning from Wednesday:

Well said, Henrik.  Though is that Rory or Bubba you're referring to there?

Ten Million Stories in the Big City - Rory said Wednesday that he's not motivated by the money, and added this yesterday in answer to a query from ESPN's Bob Harig:

Q. Yesterday, you were asked that question about playing for the 10 million dollars, all that, and I'm curious, when you turned pro you were so young, did you ever think about the money then when you were playing? And if so, was it important to get past that to be successful?

RORY MCILROY: No, money's never motivated me. It's never been a motivating factor in my life. My dad and mom together probably earned I don't know, 40, 50 grand a year. Combined. That was sort of our household income.

So it was never really a motivating factor to me because we never had that much to begin with. So, I probably don't -- I mean starting off, I started earning money at 18 years old and earning quite a lot, so I probably don't appreciate the value of money like some other people do. It's just never been that important to me. It's nice, it's nice to have it. It's nice to have that security for your future and for your family's future, I guess. But if I wanted to get into golf for the money, I would be in it for the wrong reasons.

Shack gets all existential about Rory's comment on not, you know, needing the $10 million large on offer this week, and you can decide how often he contradicts himself (the Over/Under is 4):

Now, you could say this is wildly hilarious, full-fledged LOL talk coming from someone who took his former agent to trial over...money, money and more money.

Ok I'll say it: he made me laugh very hard. 

But once the laughter dies, I'm more fascinated by what kind of moment this could be for the pro game if his claims had gained news traction (they haven't). 

Golf's appeal to some, in part, is having athletes who start from scratch every year. They're humble. The game keeps them in touch with some semblance of sanity. While they may have free clubs galore, private jets and courtesy cars, the game still keeps them in line. 

Could having a golfer or golfers regularly suggest that $10 million does not mean much to them change that attractiveness?

I'm not clear on the source of his lack of clarity here, but is there anything surprising in Rory's comment?  There are many who are outraged by the amount of money the top players make, though it seems to me that such outrage typically takes the form of Player X won ten million and didn't win anything....you know, like Henrik the last couple of years.

Also, it's a bit cute to say that he sued his former managers over money.  He found out that the sweetheart deal he received wasn't quite as sweet as hid former BFF's, and while most of us wouldn't have litigated we'd all have been equally pissed off.

The fact that ten mil doesn't move the needle for Rors could outrage any of us, but to what effect?  He still seems to be determined to play as well as possible and to win big tournaments, and isn't that what we hope to see in a young man?

 Me?  I'm more outraged by this:

What has to happen for Harris English, the last man into the field of 29 (Jim Furyk withdrew on Tuesday) at this week's Tour Championship, to win the FedEx Cup? Take a look at the (long) list of scenarios that all need to occur: 

In the words of Jim Carrey in Dumb and Dumber, "So you're telling me there's a chance. . ." 

Um, actually, no, says statistician Mark Broadie. 

The Columbia Business School professor and author of the book, "Every Shot Counts," crunched the numbers and came up with the chances of winning the $10 million bonus and an extra shiny trophy for each golfer teeing it up at East Lake. According to Broadie, English has a 0.0 percent chance of getting it done even if he wins the Tour Championship.

Excuse me, I was told that these are the playoffs... How can you be in the playoffs and have 0% chance to win?  Someone lied!

And after a Thursday 71, those odds haven't shortened for the English-man.

Sweet Spot, Indeed - PGA Tour Equipment Editor Jonathan Wall posted this pic of an iron Tiger used in 2005:

And here's Stephen Hennessey's summary of his use of said Nike Blades:

It's not news to anybody that Tiger Woods was quite good at golf in 2005. One of the best seasons of all-time. Like ever. 

It started with the Dual at Doral with Phil Mickelson and Tiger at the start of the year. Then Tiger ended the season with two majors (his last Masters and his second British Open) and six total wins.

My only thought is that as good as Tiger was, I'm not sure that the wear pattern on his irons would be substantially different than, say, the guy that finished 60th on the money list.  They all find the sweet spot pretty regularly...

(h/t: Left Bank Maggot)

RIP, Yogi - We lost one of the greats earlier in the week, and Peter Morrice filed a nice tribute from Yogi's home-away-from home:

I remember the buzz in the caddie shack the day Yogi Berra played his first round as a

member of Montclair Golf Club in West Orange, N.J., where I grew up caddieing and playing golf. One of the old-timers was assigned Yogi's bag and was pacing around like a crazy man. Soon they were off with the club pro and a couple of good-playing members. It didn't take long for the new guy to drop his first Yogi-ism. 

As the story goes, Yogi had about a 10-footer on the first green, and the caddie was stalking it from all angles. Now, you have to know here that Yogi was a right-handed golfer who putted lefty -- just the kind of thing you'd expect from a man known for his quirkiness. Anyway, after careful inspection, the caddie informs Yogi the putt will break a few inches left to right. Yogi gives a grateful nod, steps in and sends the ball on its way. But it breaks in the opposite direction. The caddie, aghast with embarrassment, says, "I'm so sorry, Mr. Berra! It went the other way." Yogi shrugs and smiles, "It's not your fault. I should've told you I putt lefty."

For a few years I was regularly invited to Montclair (a very special place) and saw Yogi shuffling around the grounds.   And see if this doesn't sound like our Yogi:

My dad was a longtime Montclair member with a locker one down from Yogi's (my brother's was the one between them), and Yogi even came to my wedding and my brother's. Dad remembers a story about Yogi standing over a shot that had to carry a lake. With his all-too-intense playing partner standing next to him, Yogi admitted, "I might hit it in the water here." To which his partner said, "Yogi, you've got this shot. Be positive!" So Yogi quickly rethought his comment and said, "OK, I'll definitely hit it in the water."

Actually, I just heard a new Yogiism that's all too apt.  His wife Carmen asked him where he wanted to be buried, offering St. Louis (where he grew up), New York or Montclair.   Yogi's Response: "Surprise me."

 RIP.

California Being California - I've previously discussed with you the incoherence of California's water regulations, promoting the very behavior that's now abhorred.  Now comes word that a turf reduction incentive program is being discontinued because....well, because it's the wrong turf.

The nearly $1.9 million payout for El Niguel Country Club, with its lush golf course tucked in a Laguna Niguel valley featuring more than 7,000 yards of terrain, three lakes and a rambling creek, was by far the highest rebate in Orange County. It accounted for more than 10 percent of the rebate money paid out to county homeowners and businesses. 

El Niguel General Manager Eric Troll did not respond to messages seeking comment.

No other business in Orange County collected more than $1 million. The next highest was just over $500,000. The highest residential rebate here was about $32,000.

But they saved the water, so what exactly is the problem?  And wouldn't you love to know who that residential water customer was?  Maybe he's a bad guy as well, after all he probably belongs to a golf club...

Gimmegate Redux -  As feared, this story has been completely misconstrued.  For instance, here's Alex Myers from his weekly The Grind feature:

It's tough to know exactly what was going on in Pettersen's head in the heat of the moment, and it's even tougher to compare a major international team competition to a buddies trip, but we have a guy who is stingy with giving putts, and let's just say it has NOT helped with his popularity among the group.

Repeat after me, Alex, it's NOT about failing to concede a short putt.  The shame for Alex is that he has a cognitive breakthrough later in the piece:

Unfortunately, one incident overshadowed the entire Solheim Cup. Pettersen deserves most of the blame, but she's not alone. If teammate Charley Hull really thought that putt was good (and she CLEARLY did when she walked off the green and sent the wrong signal), she should have spoken up -- even if she risked the wrath of her intimidating partner.

OK, progress is slow but steady....don't you see what an uncomfortable position Pettersen put Hull in?  And yes Pettersen apologized, but are we sure she knows for what?

Submitted for your approval is this Van Cynical Mailbag item, in which our Gary shows his absorption of this all-important life lesson:

Van Shanksalot, Jason Day is the best player in the world right now. But will he concede a 12-inch putt to Jordan Spieth in the Prez Cup?—Klaugh56 via Twitter 

After watching Spieth get a little shaky on the short ones at Conway Farms last week, maybe not. But I guarantee he won’t walk off the green before Spieth putts, as Suzann Pettersen did in the Solheim Cup.

My work is done here.