Paradise Lost

Wow, what a weird 24 hours in golf...where to start?

Epic Fail - It appears that the sole purpose of the Abu Dhabi HSBC Championship is to make your humble blogger look foolish, a task that I can usually handle without assistance.  As noted yesterday, I had no sooner chided a Golfweek headline writer for prematurely conceding the event to Martin Kaymer, than the German sprinted to a six-shot fifty-four hole lead and I conceded him the tournament.

In the dark of night Kaymer proceeds to birdie three of his first four holes, racing to a ten shot lead.

The unlikely winner

So, cue the fat lady, the trophy engraver and print up the oversized check, 'cause we have our winner.  But in a double-reverse Emily Litella, Kaymer suddenly lost the plot, morphing into a C-flight non-qualifier, making a bogey, a double and triple, a rare trifecta at this level.

Your winner is 22-year old Frenchman Gary Stal, who prior to this event was the 357th ranked golfer in the world.  Stal shot a final round 65 (-7) to steal the win, but one assumes that Kaymer will be a permanent fixture on the Stal family Christmas card list.

The world's best player shot himself out of contention on Saturday with a 71, and facing an 8-shot deficit, presciently declared that he was playing for second place.  True, that, though not in the manner he thought, as a final round 66 left him one short for his fourth second place finish in this event.  In fact, he almost holed his bunker shot on No. 18 to force a playoff with the young Frenchman.  No harm done, as it's a few months early for Rory to be peaking...

Honolulu Happenings - We'll start with the golf, as the strangest event on Oahu has little to do with golf, except for the victim.  Jimmy Walker, fresh off his collapse disappointing loss on Maui. raced to a third round lead at the Sony:

Defending champion Jimmy Walker one-putted his last 11 holes Saturday on his way to an 8-under 62, giving him a two-shot lead in the Sony Open and a chance to become the first back-to-back winner since 2004. 

On a day in which six players had at least a share of the lead at some point, Walker began his surge with a wedge to 5 feet on the eighth hole. He twice saved par, escaped with a bogey after two shots from a plugged lie in a bunker on the 17th and made birdie everywhere else.

Think about that for a moment...he one-putted his final eleven greens.  He was unconscious there for a while, including a birdie on the last that had to be seen to be believed.  According to PGATour.com, Walker was +2.4 strokes gained-putting, though it's not made clear whether that's for the third round or all three rounds combined.

Walker has a two-shot lead over Kooch, and here's hoping he didn't watch Martin Kaymer try to hold his lead.

Full Contact Golf - This was by far the weirdest story of the day:

Robert Allenby of Australia reportedly was kidnapped, beaten and robbed after leaving a wine bar in Honolulu after missing the cut in the Sony Open of Hawaii on Friday, the Golf Channel has reported.

Allenby’s wallet, cash, credit cards and cell phone were taken, the network reported.

Allenby had missed the cut at the Sony by four shots, and unfortunately that was the high point of his day.

Further details from this account:

"I was separated from my friend in the bar after we had paid the tab at 10:48pm and he went to the bathroom and next thing you know I'm being dumped in a park miles away.

Allenby posted this selfie on Twitter

"I only know this part because a homeless woman found me and told me she saw a few guys pull up and throw me out of the car. That is where I got the scrapes above my eye from the sidewalk." 

Shaken and in a bad way Allenby realised he was without his phone, wallet or any cash and was starting to be harassed by other homeless people in the park.

"The homeless woman got me away from the others and then a retired military guy walking past came to my aid," he said. 

"He got me into a taxi and paid for me to get to my hotel and I called police from there. I have his details and will be getting back in touch with him for sure."

Stephanie Wei spoke to Mick Middlemo, Allenby's caddie, who added this:

“I don’t think there’s any doubt they slipped something in his drink,” Middlemo told WUP. “None of us were really that drunk. We had a couple bottles of wine. (Allenby) didn’t remember leaving (the bar). He vaguely remembers being with these (three) people. Next thing he knew, he woke up in the park.”

Allenby was well enough to reportedly reviewing security camera footage with police, so let's hope they round up these fine citizens.

Why Don't These Guys Learn The Rules, Vol. CCXXIV - The modern professional's ignorance of the rules of golf has become an Unplayable Lies evergreen, for which your humble blogger is, pace Marshawn Lynch, grateful.  Matt Every provides our current installment:

It's the end of the line for the offending 4-iron

Matt Every was disqualified from the Sony Open in Hawaii for playing a golf club that was non-conforming under the rules of golf in Friday’s second round at Waialae Country Club. 

According to John Mutch, a PGA Tour rules official, Every bent his 4-iron during play in Thursday’s first round and left the club in his bag.

When he returned to play the second round on Friday afternoon, Every still had the non-conforming club in his bag. 

Under Rule 4, just carrying a non-conforming club would penalize Every two shots per hole for a maximum of four shots if he didn’t use the club, but once he used the club he was disqualified under the same rule. 

According to Mutch, after Every used the club on his second shot on the 18th hole – his ninth hole of the day – Every realized he may have violated the rules of golf and called in Mutch to confirm the violation and the subsequent disqualification.

Sheesh, this always amazes me, though it didn't really cost Every in this case because he wasn't within sniffing distance of the cut line.  

2035 Masters Preview - I'm liking this kid's chances:

Gotta love the kid's 'tude.