Crouse writes the N.Y Times' On Golf column, her primary qualification for which appears to be the infallible ability to spell the word "golf" correctly. Mind you, she doesn't get any help from her headline writer, which gets us off on the wrong foot:
On Tour, the Stories Keep Getting WeirderTiger Woods and Robert Allenby Draw Focus as PGA Tour Events Lack Top Players
So you don't consider Tiger or Phil to be Top players"? Do go on...
The piece seems to be structured around what passes on Eighth Avenue for clever wordplay, but would be far more appropriate, say, in a modest golf blog. See if you agree, first with this about
The gap in Woods’s mouth drew more coverage than any gap wedge he has hit. Photos of his jack-o-lantern mouth made the rounds online, and conspiracy theorists materialized out of the thin mountain air to question his explanation that he had lost it in a collision with a journalist’s video camera.
You see what she did there? Who knew gap was also the name of a wedge... But all joking aside, Tiger said a lot of things... for instance, he said that blood was everywhere. has anyone seen a photo from the event indicating any blood whatsoever?
And conspiracy theorist Shackelford followed up his post with this from the Daily News:
"I was with him from the tent to the snowmobile that carried him away," Colli said. "There was no blood…If Tiger Woods said that, I don't really know what to say."Colli said the same thing to The Associated Press last week.
"I was among those who escorted him from the tent to the snowmobile and there was no such incident," Colli, told the AP in response to Steinberg's statement. "When he arrived he asked for more security, and we rounded up police to look after both him and Lindsey."
No doubt Ms. Crouse finds this a silly story to be occupying folks, so I'm pleased to report that we've found a small plot of common ground. But it's passing strange for a reporter to be criticizing other reporters for, you know, reporting when facts seem to have gone missing. I don't know why Tiger would tell a fib about the missing tooth or even for sure that it didn't happen as he says, I only know that no one saw the incident and that certain particulars seem amiss.
Crouse, likely in an attempt to heighten anticipation, makes us wait on the Allenby story by interjecting Dustin Johnson into the story. Here's how she positions it:
Nongolfing news has rushed in to fill the vacuum created by PGA Tour fields missing most of the world’s top players, who are on hiatus or participating in events abroad. There is the curious case of Dustin Johnson, who decided to leave the tour with his game in full bloom and the calendar at high noon. He missed the last major tournament of the year, the lucrative FedEx Cup playoffs and the Ryder Cup for a leave that the tour has described as voluntary. Johnson’s return to competition is set for next week, after six months away, which happens to be the exact period covering a drug-related suspension.
OK, let's hold on for just a sec...is she making the case that the fields are unusually bereft of top-name players? I know, I just needed to flag that red herring... the stories she's cited are stories that would be covered during U.S. Open week, but hey, she needed an angle. And I'll bet she stayed up nights wordsmithing this little bit:
The abrupt disappearing act of Johnson has never been adequately explained, and the absence of transparency gave the tour a black eye. One of its members, Robert Allenby, ended up with worse than that after he missed the cut at the Sony Open in Hawaii, the first full-field event of 2015.
Get it? Black eye....har, har har. Before we leave our DJ, it's like she goes out of her way to obfuscate. The absence has been explained, just not by the Tour. I agree with her that it's a black eye for the Tour, but don't Times readers want to know why? Or do they just take orders and believe as their told?
And here's her take on Allenby:
A little over an hour after Woods finished his news conference, Allenby stepped to the same microphone, appearing the picture of health save for a bloody scab on the bridge of his nose. With nine television cameras rolling, he gave a measured opening statement.
“There has definitely been a lot of confusion,” Allenby said, “but I think the No. 1 thing that you should all remember is that my story stays exactly the same as the way I told it.” He added, “I was a victim, and all of a sudden you’re putting all the blame on me.”
Measured? I'd like to see the Times style book on that adjective. And she deliberately omits that the first thing Allenby said when he got to the mike was "This is not going to be a long thing," not exactly designed to warm up a crowd of reporters.
And nowhere does she mention that eyewitnesses directly contradict Allenby's original account. Again, isn't that relevant? We're done with her for the time being, but there were a couple of Allenby items that I missed in yesterday's rant.
First, I left this one on the cutting room floor:
“From that, obviously the media have decided that they’re the most amazing experts at investigations. There is a reason why detectives in Honolulu are some of the best in the world. I’d really appreciate it if we’d just let them do their job and maybe we could get to the bottom of it.”
Best in the world? Ummm....care to share your sourcing on that? Shack thinks he may be referring to these guys, and admittedly they closed every case they were given. But the overreach is usually a tell, no?
And on this one, I just completely missed his clarification:
“I take full responsibility if I did do something wrong. I have no problem in the world in owning up to if I did do something wrong. … I realized that I don't have any friends in the media. Maybe one. That's it.”
Shack proposes a worldwide manhunt for the one, though I wouldn't subject the unfortunate soul to public humiliation. Though it is a shame that OJ is in prison, because i have a gut feel that the real killer knows Allenby's imaginary media friend.
I remember many a college nights watching Hawaii 5-0. Those detectives were the best, weren't they? Book'em Dano!
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