'Dis And 'Dat

Just a few stray items to cover this morning, then you can get on with your day...

Tiger, The Charm Offensive - As covered yesterday, Tiger is making a brief media blitz ostensibly to promote his major business initiative in which he'll be doing the same things under a new name and logo....  Well, he is an acknowledged master at portfolio activation, so did you expect any lees....

He appeared yesterday on both Stephen Colbert's and Charlie Roses shows platforms, with the first half of the former embedded below:

I haven't watched Colbert since the first thirty minutes of his first show on CBS, and I'm hoping he's improved.  He handles this perfectly fine, though of course it's a nominal degree of difficulty and doubtless all planned in advance.

Tiger acquits himself well, though the stagecraft is evident throughout....  But we award points for self-deprecation, even of the scripted variety.  I haven't yet found video of him discussing his business initiative, in which the M-school jargon could be fun.

But Shack has video of the Charlie Rose interview in which Tiger explains the Safeway WD, and that seems off-pitch to me.  It's short so give it a look and I'll wait for you to get back.

This is of a kind with the spot in the Colbert interview when he said he wasn't ready yet to shoot 63 or 64's, so what's the point?  Is there a golf fan that expects, after a full year and two back surgeries away from the game, he'll come back as Tiger c.2000?  The world was prepared to accept a 72 or even a 75 or 77, if he looked healthy and pulled off a few shots.  The reason to come back now is so that he'll be ready for 2017 (and specifically April 2017), not to necessarily contend at the Safeway.

So, par for the course with Tiger, that leaves us essentially clueless.  He used the word vulnerable to describe his game....  Do you think that referred to his inability to take a little off a 7-iron?  Or perhaps something darker?

Other items of interest include this bit with Rose:

Rose: Do you believe you’ll get 18 majors? 

Woods: To be honest with you, no. 

Rose: You don’t? 

Woods: No. 

Rose: You’ve accepted that?  

Woods: I’ve accepted I’m going to get more.

OK, as performance art that's not bad....  I mean what's he supposed to say?  perhaps the perfect answer would be that he's only thinking now of his next major....after that he'll think about No. 16.

But what if after that first answer Rose had changed subjects?  Now Charlie has become an insufferable interviewer in that he can't help but repeat the interviewees answer...  So either Tiger was astute enough to plan on exploiting this tic, or the whole thing was scripted from the get-go.

And if you like that one, how about this answer to the question of his biggest regret:

Tiger Woods: ...if you look back, the only regret I have in life is not spending another year at Stanford, and I wish I would've had one more year. 

Charlie Rose: That's the only regret? 

Woods: That's the only regret, I wish I had. 

Rose: Of all the things that's happened to you? 

Woods: All the things and that's all -- 

Rose: Everything?

And to think I would have guessed that it was handing Elin the 9-iron.....

And then there was this:

So, for everything behind Curtain No. 3, name the most prominent person in golf not in attendance at Arnie's memorial service....

Oh, and because we're a supportive lot, Joel Beall helpfully reminds Tiger of his other regrets....  well, in any event, things we certainly regret:

Not visiting the dentist sooner

It never gets old, does it?

Required Reading, A Tale of Woe - One of my ski buddies is noted to say, when asked about his schedule, that he has nothing to do and all day to do it.  In my own case, it's more along the lines that I have nothing to do and not nearly the time in which to accomplish same.

So I received this notice from Tom Doak:

That means that Volume 3 of Doak's re-imagined Confidential Guide to Golf Courses will be headed my way soon.  This installment covers summer destinations in The Americas, and I'm quite excited.... Of course that euphoria is somewhat tempered by that fact that Volume 2 remains unopened in its shipping box on my bookshelf.

Now comes news of additional reading for which I'll need to find time, a biography of golf architect Tom Simpson.  There are a number of reason that this is interesting, including the following:

•  The book is authored by Fred Hawtree and Donald Steel, themselves noted golf architects.  Succinctly put, if they think Simpson is worthy of a book, note should be taken.  
• Simpson differed from most as explained on the book's web page:

Whereas many famous golf architects have been reluctant to divulge their trade secrets,

Simpson was a glorious exception. His views are an educational catalogue of ‘dos’ and ‘don’ts’. Without them, a biography published half a century after his death may have proved impossible. An engaging, multi-talented figure with a perfectionist’s streak, he was one of a generation who had to adjust to the disruption of two World Wars. As a result, there were more prolific golf architects but few whose legacy has a more enriching influence.

•  Why should we care about this guy?  Hopefully this will answer that question:

Simpson was involved in many courses around Europe, one way or another, and these are some of the jewels: Cruden Bay, Royal Aberdeen, Royal Porthcawl, Rye, Hayling, Ashridge, New Zealand, Muirfield, Huddersfield, Sunningdale, Woking, Liphook, St Andrews, Chantilly, Fontainebleau, Morfontaine, Deauville, Royal Antwerp, Liege, Spa, Louth, Ballybunnion and Zurich etc.

Not  sure I fully understand this tweet from Ken Brown, but I love the tease he provides;

So another day, that much further behind in my golf reading....

Only The Best People - The extent to which the media has been in the tank for Hillary should surprise no one, though you could be excused for perhaps thinking that the golf media might be exempt from those orders.  Excused, but still wrong as this amusing story attests:

The October 24 issue of the New Yorker details the remarkable, accidental accession of

Andy Sick through the Trump National Golf Club ranks. In the summer of 2004, Sick was a 24-year-old tree cutter at the Bedminster course, working for $7.50 an hour as he prepared for law school. Within three weeks, Donald Trump fired the superintendent, who happened to be Sick's boss. A few days later, course designer Tom Fazio spotted Sick planting petunias. 

“He asked me if I was the landscape architect,” Sick said. “I told him yeah. My only gardening experience was mowing my parents’ lawn.”

Sick went to work. He told the New Yorker that he Googled "French formal gardens" as his prep. 

"I knew Trump liked ostentatious stuff, so the gardens of Versailles were a perfect fit," Sick remarked. "I wasn’t even looking at other golf courses. I was just looking at grandiosity.”

The Donald surprisingly showed up during Sick's fledgling flower career, and according to Sick, the real estate magnate was thrilled with the progress.

“Once that happened, I was given an unlimited budget,” Sick said. By his estimates, he spent up to $300,000.

Fortunately the story has a happy ending, as the young man left to go to law school.  Otherwise he would no doubt have been one of those smartest guys formulating health care policy.

I have little sympathy for the Trump supporters for whom this item is intended, as the wages of Trump were drearily predictable.  I only feel compelled to ask where these stories were eight years ago, when equally clueless folks were telling us they were the smartest guys in the room.  Never mind, we all know the answer.... and will bear the consequences.

Rightly So - I've always believed that a golfer needs to deal harshly with a non-cooperative putter....  For instance, one's putter should go into time out at least once a season, just to show it you're serious.   And given my putting at the new place, once a week seems more appropriate.

So this item is right up my alley:

Watch Pablo Larrazabal threaten his putter by giving it "one more chance"

 But Pablo, you have to follow through on your red lines.  No second chances....

Snoopy Go Bye-Bye - Sad news in that both Snoopy One and Snoopy Two are being decommissioned:

The Wall Street Journal reported MetLife is breaking ties with Snoopy, dropping the

cartoon character that has served as its logo for the past 31 years. As the insurance giant reassesses its marketing strategies, the company also revealed it will no longer to use blimps for aerial coverage of sporting events. That includes the approximate 25 PGA Tour events "Snoopy One" and "Snoopy Two" visit each year -- about a third of the total events they get to.

That's a shame because who doesn't like Snoopy?  The Tour has announced that it's in discussions to provide the aerial coverage of its events...  Only because it's the Tour, they call it their official aerial coverage provider...

But I found this pretty clever:

Aside from becoming a fixture in the sky for fans, the blimps have been a guide for tour pros at times. Patrick Reed, for one, said the identified flying object helped him win the Barclays at Bethpage Black this year. 

"I’ve always known the blimp has to fly straight into the wind," Reed told Forbes' Erik Matuszewski in a September story. "So if the nose isn’t up, that means the wind really isn’t blowing so much. Most times, it really helps out when I’m in the deciding process.”

And you thought our Patrick was just another pretty face....

Perhaps Not At Bethpage - Yanno what they need more of at golf tournaments?  Alas, not this:

Next year, the Quail Hollow Club will host the PGA Championship. So last July, Harris

ventured up to the PGA at Baltusrol Golf Club on a scouting mission. Anything he saw that he’d like to incorporate at Quail Hollow in 2017? 

Yep. Self-serve beer machines. 

“Ya’ll wait till you see this machine,” Harris said at a Charlotte Business Journal event at Quail Hollow on Wednesday to discuss the PGA Championship. 

The beer machines are manufactured and distributed by DraftServ Technologies, a Suwanee, Ga., company, and have turned up at a variety of stadiums throughout the country.

What could go wrong?  Surprisingly, the Euro Ryder Cup team was unavailable for comment....

Bones, Unplugged -  If you're stuck at home on a rainy day, you might enjoy this Vice Sprots video with Bones:

Seems like a good guy, but Bones was definitely grading on the curve with that rake job....