'Dis and 'Dat

Yesterday's abbreviated Wrap has left us with extensive backlog.... and with tomorrow a travel day, put on a second pot of coffee.

Notes From the Far Side - Well, the other side of the pond, in any event.  There, it so transpires, that the delightfully-named Martin Slumbers has proven he's no Jeb Bush (and by that I mean, he's in no way a "low-energy guy").

Most folks are surprised to learn that the iconic Royal & Ancient Golf Club of St. Andrews has nothing to do with the game as played by those with indoor plumbing or even the Women's British Open.  Well, please change that to "had", with this announcement:

The R&A has taken a leaf out of the USGA’s book by taking its first step toward

governing men’s and women’s golf in the British Isles. The governing body has announced a merger with the Ladies' Golf Union. 

The LGU will become incorporated within the R&A framework from Jan. 1, 2017. The LGU will continue as it is this year, a Curtis Cup year, with the R&A taking a much more influential role in running women’s golf from next year. 

“We’ve been talking to the LGU for three years now, if not longer,” R&A chief executive Martin Slumbers said. “Just before Christmas, we came to an agreement with their board on a final proposal for a merger. 

“I think it’s a tremendous opportunity. We see that being able to bring the two organizations together for the good of elite amateur game is an opportunity for the R&A to add its knowledge and skill to that which already exists within the LGU.”

Since most folks on this side of the pond already assumed the R&A's jurisdiction over distaff doings, I can boldly predict such folks will notice no change....  I know, it's a gift.  

I'd like to propose a first project for the combined entity, the construction of ladies tees at certain Scottish and Irish golf clubs.... I'd be happy to provide a prioritized list.  The absence of such has required me to give Employee No. 2 far too many strokes during our travels.... I'm certain there can't be any more pressing concerns for the newly-combined entity, can there?

In other Slumbers, the R&A majordomo predictably punted, that being in the American sense of the term, when it came to a certain American Presidential candidate's resort:

The R&A has dealt a blow to Donald Trump by confirming the Open Championship will not be held at Turnberry before 2022. The chief executive of that governing body, though, still refuses to provide a public stance on whether Trump’s offensive opinions should exclude his venues from golf. 

Trump’s views on Mexican immigrants in the United States and Muslims have triggered a dilemma for a sport which is seeking to be as inclusive as possible. In April 2014 Trump confirmed his buy-out of Turnberry and subsequently promised to spend £200m on an upgrade of the property, with the approval of the R&A. “This is golf’s greatest canvas,” Trump said at the time. “People cannot avoid it now.” 

At that point, it seemed inconceivable there would be such a wait for Turnberry to host the third major of the year, as it last did in 2009. The R&A will not specifically cite the Republican party’s potential presidential candidate’s controversial statements as pivotal and seem anxious to kick the issue into the long grass, but the inference is clear.

The amusing part of this is that in the awkward dance between these two, it's the R&A that is seemingly playing the part of the two-faced political hack.  See if you enjoy the juxtaposition of these two irreconcilable threads.  On the one hand::

“We’re asking the very best players in the world to come and put their names to a championship which we’ve written down in history and we feel deeply that the quality of the golf course and the challenge we give them should be commensurate with the quality of the players and the commitment that the players make.

But on the other hand:

“But we are also very focused on the macro environment. We as an organisation have said that we believe golf should be open to all, regardless of gender, race, nationality or religion, and that’s where we sit.”

The reason I threw in that "seemingly" above is that even The Donald would understand that there's absolutely no reason for Martin to tip his hand.  If only someone had written a book about the art of the deal that would explain this... The Donald would have to agree that he's worth more alive than dead at least to the R&A....  And who knows what's coming?  In a few years President Trump might play to his base by granting amnesty to 11 million Mexicans, and make Lizette Salas the fourth Mrs. Trump.  I really shouldn't drink while blogging, i think you'll agree...

Notes From an Intervention - The equally-delightfully-named Tron Carter is proprietor of a blog called No Laying Up, in which he calmly and rationally analyzes CBS' golf coverage.  I was under the impression that waterboarding had been outlawed, but I stand corrected...  Here's his low-key lede:

Televising golf is inherently difficult. Eighteen new holes every week spread out over

150ish acres, each its own veritable arena with evolving weather conditions, variable topography, and different sunlight orientation. There’s a technology element – dozens of cameras and microphones, miles of cabling, satellite trucks, elevated mini-studios spread out across the course, graphics packages – a nerve system serving up dozens of feeds into a nerve center with a lead producer calling the shots. There’s a people element – a different tournament director, charity and corporate title sponsor at each stop, all of whom require back scratching. I’d imagine the most challenging part is the competition itself. 150 players, scattered about. All said, it’s a lot to handle and I don’t pretend to be an expert or intend to be an armchair quarterback. But at this point the entire golf world is simultaneously realizing that CBS golf telecasts have devolved into unmitigated dogshit over the last two seasons.

Let me make it clear, ladies and gentlemen, Tron's got the goods....  If you suffered through the Saturday telecast from Pebble or Sunday's should-have-been-exciting-but-left-me-screaming-at-my-television final from Riviera, you'll want to read every word.  I'd just suggest that you take off the turtleneck to avoid the friction fro your constant head-nodding...

Tron spends some time covering ground that will be familiar to my astute readers (but I repeat myself), including appropriate homage to The Ayatollah.  But it's how you cover the history that matters, and in this case the inclusion of this wisdom from God is most damning:

The guy was a pioneer; blimp shots, microphones scattered around the course, diverse camera angles, a propensity for showing as many golf shots as possible, the blueprint for the televised masterpiece that is The Masters – that was all Chirkinian. Most importantly, he understood this: “Bob Jones once told me, ‘Frank, the more golf you show, the better your product is.”

But how to fit actual golf into a telecast with FedEx Cup summaries, interviews with sponsors and painfully-long segments with Sir Nick in the gym?  Something has to give, and that golf stuff can be quite boring...

I'll grab just a couple of amusing bits, but you'll really want to find your own.  For me, this Jimmy double-dip is a minor but amusing catch:

Next we get the typical intro montage package, then one Adam Scott putt, then Nantz does the “Hello friends” routine (he actually “Hello friends the viewers at home and then greets Faldo with a “Hello friend” – crazy double dip!). At this point we’re essentially 13 minutes deep into coverage and have witnessed nine shots, six of which were putts. Imagine tuning into any other sport and missing pivotal live action due to sponsor promos, self-serving commentary and highlights of stuff that we missed. What glorious madness!

Do read his timeline of the broadcast, which is just genius....  I'm guessing that our Tron is not a college hoops fan.

And like Shack, I thought each of these observations was on the mark:

• A few issues with regard to technology: No effort made to show the design of the golf course. Flyovers, explanations, some way to show elevation changes, nothing. NBC often uses technology to show the slopes of each green (and does so without interrupting the action) – would be a cool feature on a classic course like this with, ya know, severe greens. Also very limited use of ProTracer. I get the sense that they’re on a budget and skimping hard. All of this is particularly ironic considering this Q&A with Mr. Barrow.

• Don’t recall hearing any caddie-player convos. Shame.

• At least half the top twenty players on the leaderboard did not have a single shot shown on television.

• It’s unbelievable how many PGA Tour produced commercials there are. We’re already watching your tournament, let the action speak for itself instead of putting together some splashy commercial that everyone resents after the third or fourth week of it airing.

Perhaps that's why Mr. Feherty moved on?  I do think that in Messrs. Baker-Finch, Kostis and Ms. Pepper, there's sufficient competence, and McCord is an asset in small doses or when the actual event loses interest.

But their 18th tower team has become cloying and soporific, almost a parody of a sports broadcast.  I'd like to suggest to Mr. Tron that his next project be an actual transcript of the drivel that comes out of the mouth of Sir Nick, whose next illuminating comment will be his first.  Either that or invent the technology that allows me to turn off the announcers but retain the remainder of the audio feed.

Notes From the Class Struggles - Golf clubs are notoriously poorly-managed, and it's of course difficult working with hundreds of bosses.  But occasionally one such civil war breaks out into the open, and they predictably remind of Henry Kissinger's famous comment about the Iran-Iraq war, i.e., that you want both to lose.

Such is the case at famed Wentworth, and let's start by meeting our protagonists.  First comes the unpronounceable new owner:

Wentworth – one of more than 140 golf clubs in Surrey – was sold for £135m in 2014 by restaurateur Richard Caring to the Reignwood Group, a Chinese conglomerate chaired by Dr Chanchai Ruayrungruang, one of China’s richest men. Last October, the club’s chief executive, Stephen Gibson, announced a “multimillion-pound investment to become the world’s finest private golf and country club”, including major renovations of the West Course. But alongside this came the intimation to members that in essence they would be financing the plans by being asked to stump up free loans.

Here's more on Mr. Rua.....sheesh, if he only had a nickname:

Chanchai Ruayrungruang, also known as Yan Bin, formed the Reignwood Group in Thailand in 1984. The business expanded into China in 1996. Reignwood sells Red Bull energy drinks in the country. Other businesses include golf and real estate - both at home and overseas.

Perhaps I'm over-interpreting, but he's Thai yet feels at home with the enlightened Chinese leadership.  Tom Friedman, call your office...

OK, so who could resist such a man of the people?

Inside, the club is spectacular, with windows affording vistas of the lawns and the lake. 

Add caption

Walls are lined with wooden boards, the names of cup winners cherished in gold. Cabinets are filled with trophies and the main lounge has a portrait of the revered Tarrant. The rooms move through the “traditional English club” of the Burma bar (the 19th hole) to a lighter, art deco vibe in the main restaurant. Members recline in chairs, reading the paper, sharing a bottle of wine with friends, watching the television. Few are dressed in golf attire, as if plaids and pastels are strictly the preserve of the greens.

Now almost 90% of those members are up in arms. Some have formed a group called the Resistance or the Wet Feet Action Group, so called after a Chinese proverb that says: “It never rains on your neighbours without getting your feet wet.”

Don't make me choose, each of those monikers is pitch perfect....though I would have gone with Wet Foot Brigade.  Now I just love this little history lesson:

Eric Leon is chair of the Wentworth residents’ association and has lived on the estate for 21 years. “Unlike other golf clubs, ours is very much a part of the life here. It was conceived as an integral part of the estate. Traditionally it has been a community. Tarrant’s idea was not only grand houses, but a mixed community – there are still bungalows on the estate that are reasonably modest, though obviously with the pressure on the market and the attractiveness of the area, a lot of these are bulldozed away and replaced with much grander houses.

“It explains some of the reaction – the changeover of the club could accelerate that trend. If you make the club appeal to the super-wealthy, it destroys the fabric of the community. Enjoying golf or tennis or even walking is something that doesn’t seem to have been understood by the owners, who may have seen it like a normal golf club. Not everybody is angry about it though – there are a number of very wealthy people at Wentworth, and a number of them would think a very wealthy club would suit them.”

Got it, Eric....We want to save Tarrant's (the creator of Wentworth) vision of the community, just not those unfortunate bungalows.  That's just the market at work, but this is, you know, different...

But really, these folks are just victims...it's a matter of national interest.  Yes, these people:

Owners of properties such as these are perhaps the target of the new Reignwood plans, but Leon points out that the vast majority of people are just wealthy, not super-rich. “They are maybe sitting on houses that are worth money, but a lot of the owners in Surrey are asset-rich but cash poor,” he says, before conceding that some of his neighbours are billionaires. Take Pyotr Aven, head of Alfa-Bank, Russia’s largest commercial bank; the King of Malaysia; Ron Dennis, chair of McLaren; and Adrian Heavey, founder of Tallow Oil. Leon smiles resignedly: “Next door to me they are rebuilding Villa Oman for the king of Oman.”

Viva La resistance!  I simply must get the T-shirt....  So, where can the members go with this?  Well, they might have a hostage...

Until now, Wentworth residents have been happy to live side-by-side. The club meant the well-off mixed with the wealthy, but now that the well-off have been told they are not welcome, they’re warning that disruptive direct action is entirely within their legal means. A document sent to Reignwood and seen by the Guardian warns that the new proposals are a “breach of the Wentworth Trust”, that it has a duty to preserve the character and nature of the club under a formal trust deed. It cites “breach of restrictive covenants” and points out that the Wentworth Estate Roads Committee has the right to enforce restrictive covenants under the deed, because its prior approval “is required for any future property development, use of sponsored advertising signage, erection of tents and grandstands and organisation of rock concerts”.

This is a subtle threat to the PGA Tournament to be held in 29 May. It goes on less subtly: “The PGA Tournament is a nuisance and causes significant disruption to the day-to-day quality of life of the residents of the Wentworth Estate for many weeks before. The disruption and nuisance is amplified by additional activities such as BMW-sponsored events, including rock concerts, which are not necessary or incidental events to a golf tournament.”

The author might take a look at his dictionary, since he seems unclear about the meaning of the word subtle... 

I'll apologize for the lengthy excerpts, but I've been cackling like a kid as I've been copying-and-pasting.... and how amazing is it that I've gotten this far without noting that the prior regimes have destroyed a Harry S. Colt masterpiece.  

Notes From the Remainder Bin - A solution to your sleeping issues may soon be at hand:

Turns out, there is a bit of Tiger Woods news on Monday -- just not anything golf related. While the 14-time major champ's playing status remains uncertain, publishing giant Simon & Schuster announced on Monday that the golfing giant will be the subject of a new biography. Jeff Benedict and Armen Keteyian will write the book, which doesn't have a publish date yet. 

"Very few individuals are known throughout the world by one word," said Benedict, a special features writer for Sports Illustrated. "Tiger reached that elite club by being the greatest golfer -- some would argue the greatest athlete -- in modern history. But his imprint on history transcends golf, and his influence reaches across the globe. Yet, he is vastly misunderstood. So much of his family history and his personality has been veiled in secrecy, mythical stories, partial truths, advertising campaigns, and scurrilous headlines. Our objective is to get beyond the veil and reveal in full a human portrait of a true, albeit reluctant, American idol."

The thing is, he's really boring.... just ask Lindsey.